The Tom Green Chronicles Revisited
Created | Updated Feb 20, 2003
Yes, here we are yet again. Currently I'm located in Japanese class and am
ignoring the remainder of the roll call. (That's always fun, but it quite annoys Godon-sensei.
Thank the gods that I'm so well loved, ne? He he heeeeh… It all works out, anyway.)
'We are lost—we can never go home…'- Gollum's Song (performed by Emiliana Torrini, The Two
Towers Motion Picture Soundtrack1)
*Jade and Seraphine are walking through a potato field*
Seraphine: Jade… Jade! Jadie?
Jade: *turns around and giver her a weird look* Um,
Sera, we're in the middle of a potato field.
Sera: But… you were, um. Lost, and stuff…
Jade: How could you possibly loose me?
Seraphine: *looks about* Wasn't this supposed to be a
cornfield?
Jade: Yes. And it would have been too, if it weren't for
that stupid 'continuity' thing…
Sera: Oh yes, that whole 'Martians can't eat anything
but curly fries' sort of thing.
Jade: Yes, that…
*Two figures appear on the horizon, apparently running toward them*
Sera: What the devil is that?
Jade: What's what? *shades her eyes* Oh, that. Looks
like some people running toward us.
Sera: Should we be worried?
Jade: Well regardless if we should or shouldn't there's
not exactly anywhere to hide in a bloody potato field, now is there?
Sera: You know… you may be right.
*The figures continue running toward them*
Jade: So… Do we just wait here, or…
Sera: They're almost here anyway, but we may as well
walk toward them.
Jade: Well all right then.
*They begin to walk toward the two figures. The figures continue coming at them.*
Jade: Gods I hope it's no one bad… *she covers her
gauntlet with a coat sleeve just in case*
*Suddenly the figures crash into a stunned Sera and Jade at full speed*
Link: *looks at Jade* Jadie! Segue! It's Jadie the Goddess!
Segue: Hello Jadie! *stands up, dusting himself
off*
Sera: *jumps up and grabs Link by the jacket, throwing
him off Jade* Get off her!
Jade: Where did you guys come from?
Segue: *points behind them* Over that way, actually.
*hands Sera some Potatoes* Here, hold these.
Sera: You've been digging…!
Segue: Yeah, we got a pretty good haul, if I say so
myself…
Jade: *staring at Link's head* You have antennas.
Link: *tugs at them and looks at hers* Yeah, rather nice, don't you think?
Segue: Why the fuss? You have some too.
Jade: Yeah, but mine are false…!
Link: *reaches out and tugs at Jade's antennas* They are. Wooow.
Jade: Ow…! *rubs her scalp*
Segue: *raises an eyebrow* What, you're surprised that
we're Martians…?
Sera: *puts her head to the side* Well, not as such right
now, no.
Link: Really…?
Sera: Well, no offence, but you guys were odd to begin
with.
Segue: Fair enough. *takes the potatoes back from
her*
Sera: Why did you take those in the first place?
Segue: *looks up at the person writing the story and
points in her general direction* Because I thought someone was planning on going with the
actual flow of the story…
Jade: *narrows her eyes at Segue* As the author's
on-site spokesperson, I would like to inform you that she bloody well couldn't could she, what
with this 1) not being a cornfield, and 2) well… it… it just won't work with continuity, okay? And
everyone who knows her as well as we knows that if anyone goes off the line of continuity
she blows her proverbial gasket. So yeah.
Link: *nods slowly* Riiight… So anyway. We were just having a bit of a run there.
Segue: …Which completely explains away the fact that
we ran directly at you and knocked you over.
Link: *looks thoughtful* It does, dun't it?
Segue: Mmm hmm, babygirl. So, where are you two
headed…? *he takes a bite from a raw potato*
Jade: *raises her eyebrow* Erm… That way…? *points
ahead*
Link: Can we go with you? It isn't as if we have anything better to do at the
moment.
Sera: *looks at Jade, shrugs*
Jade: Well, you already know how I am, so what the
would it hurt?Link: Not a thing, is my thought.
Segue: Well all right then. Shall we? *starts out ahead,
and very promptly falls down a bit of a cliff2*
Link: Whut theh? *runs over to the side* Segue! Are you a'right?
Segue: *yells up* I’m fine… It's not a very deep
cliff, as cliffs go…
Link: *raises an eyebrow* Cliffs are deep…?
Segue: *yells* Well no, not as such, but…
Sera: We'd probably better go take a look… He might
be hurt or something.
Jade: *snickers* Yeeaaahhh, we'd better go check…
Those geeks…
*Sera walks toward the cliff and Jade goes slowly after her. As they reach the edge, Jade trips
on a potato, looses her balance,3 and runs full force
into Sera, who in turn falls on Link, who in turn falls down the cliff. And of course with the
force of momentum, so too go Sera and Jadie. Right over the side. In a very convenient-type
manner.*
Jade: Ow… *falls on top of Sera, who has fallen on top
of Segue, who has fallen on top of Link*
Sera: *spits red dust out of her mouth*
Link: Ooh! That was close…
Segue: Ow! I think I’ve broken something… *looks at his
arm* I think it was my elbow…
Sera: No, it was your head. Trust a pair of
Naugrim…
Jade: *gets up, dusts herself off* Dude, that
sucked.
Segue: *gets up, dusts himself off* What…? That was
just a detour. A shortcut.
Sera: A shortcut to what?
Link: Potatoes!
*Sera, Segue and Link all run over to dig them out. Jade stands and stares out at the
road.*
Link: That’s mine!
Segue: Here's a nice one, Sera…
Jade: …I think we should get off the road…
*Sounds of an approaching something-or-other can be heard coming up the road*
Jade: Get off the road! Quick!
*They all leap behind a very large (and decidedly strategically placed) very red boulder and the
writer of this serial ends the chapter. Because she is a writer on the edge. Woo… for her…
heh.*
Woo. Another chapter in the proverbial bag, as it were. And let me tell you what,
these stories sure move a lot faster when you have at least a hint of a plot to follow.
Tom Green Chronicles Mark II
Archive
1 That creepy old guy at the gate of Bree was
right, man. 'You can never be too careful.' 2 Well… They have cliffs in… erm,
Martian potato fields. Sometimes. Erm. …Stop looking at me like that! Not everything can be
about continuity…! 3 It's all those stupid platform boots, I tell you.
Stupid fashion…! Stupid American Standard of Beauty…!
right, man. 'You can never be too careful.' 2 Well… They have cliffs in… erm,
Martian potato fields. Sometimes. Erm. …Stop looking at me like that! Not everything can be
about continuity…! 3 It's all those stupid platform boots, I tell you.
Stupid fashion…! Stupid American Standard of Beauty…!
