h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Changing a flat car tyre - A963560
Author: brislib - U206015





The discovery of a flat tyre on your car is best done while it still sits in the garage , which generally provides a good surface on which to sit the jack. If , however , a strange *helicoptering* flap-flapping sound is heard while the car is in motion , the driver can be in one of many degrees of trouble , depending on where the car is . The worst place is probably in a street with not a single parking space available , particularly if the street runs up a hill . There are other horrifying sites of course . A rutted gravel country lane with narrow or no verges comes to mind .

But once a place to pull over and stop has been found , what then ?

Step One .

Get out of the car and kick the tyre . This does not do much good except to relieve frustration in a minor way

Step Two .

Open the boot and find to your further frustration that :-
You have to unpack the shopping / luggage or general detritus that sits on top of the spare tyre and the jack before they become available

Step Three.

Ensure that you find ALL the pieces of the jack . No doubt the winder will be as far removed from the body of the jack as is possible.

Now jacks come in many shapes and sizes . The commonest one nowadays to be found in the average family car is that one which has the misnomer of * lady’s jack *, so called because some male chauvinist idiot believed that the fairer , tender sex would have no difficulty in manipulating it whereas in fact it is a real problem to the most hairy chested of males.

Inevitably it is already wound to its highest extension and rusted in that position so that it cannot be fitted in the space between the ground and the car chassis .

Bashing it on the ground may help to use up any excess adrenalin thus far accumulated , and may even loosen it so that it can be placed in position.

Placing it is not always simple . The head of the jack must be carefully inserted into the correct point of the chassis , and its foot set on a firm base whuch may even have to be constructed .

With the gears in neutral , and the handbrake on , the laborious business of raising the car body may begin .
Then it may be lowered again , so that the wheel does not revolve as the wheel trim is removed . It is a law of nature that whereas a wheel trim will easily fly off while the car is in motion , to be crushed on the road by vehicles following , the one on the flat tyre will be most efficiently jammed on.

Step Four.

With the wheel once more raised from the ground , the next task is to loosen the wheelnuts , with whatever means are available to you.

Since the wheel was last put on in a garage , it will indubitably have been fastened with an electric drill attachment , and so be beyond the strength of the average Hercules to loosen . Calling upon all reserves of strength . or the assistance of some passing Samson , the nuts may finally yield , though at the cost of knuckle skin

The tyre is then removed from the uncovered bolts, and the hands made even filthier by the dust and dirt adhering to it . The hands are now only slightly dirtier than the knees of the pants where the repairer had to kneel in the road dust

Step Five .

The spare is removed from the boot , and the driver may bless the fact that the last time he checked pressures , he inflated the spare as well .
The wheel is manoeuvred onto the bolts and held there with one hand , while then begins the frantic search for the nuts , which should have been placed together in the upturned wheel trim , but were not .

Found , they are finger - tightened in position and then tightened a little more with the wheel brace.

Step Six

The jack is lowered and removed and the nuts fully tightened in a diagonal pattern while the wheel is firmly grounded.

Step Seven

All that remains is to put the spare in the boot , repack the shopping / luggage , replace the jack , and drive off , leaving the wheelbrace on the verge where it had rolled under the car

All in all a job best left to an automobile association mechanic

One slight addition which has actually happened to me is what to do if you get a double flat as happened to me after parking outside a pub to collect someone on new years day once. And obviously getting some broken glass and losing both tyres.

Don't panic. If there are others in the car after changing one tire get to the nearest tyre centre to get another one. (Fortunately for me Quick Fit were nearby and open) Got a second tyre and while hte lads were removing hte second one turned up with a fresh tyre before heading on our merry way.

Another lovely little addition would be that, after thanking your lucky stars that you don't have to remove all the shopping from the boot because you're lucky enough to have a car with the spare tyre mounted underneath the rear of the car, you drop the tyre cage down to release the spare, only to discover that the tow bar you had fitted last week stops you getting to the spare tyre unless you remove all the shopping anyway and then jack the rear of the car up!

(This happened to me once!)

I have a couple of questions? and please excuse me if I sound ignorant. What is the difference between tyre and tire, if there is a difference? and I am geussing that the "boot" is the trunk of the car. I acctually got confused on a couple other words but I have forgotten them now. I am going to have a .

It should be noted that the wheel trim should be removed and the wheelnuts should be loosened before the car is jacked up. Then you are not risking pushing the car off the jack/axlestands while you are putting all your efforts into releasing them.

The car should really be placed on axle stands before the wheel is removed anyway, for safety.

What is the difference between tyre and tire - British/American Spelling

I am geussing that the "boot" is the trunk of the car. You guessed right.

And just to confuse you even more the bit at the front that covers the engine is called a bonnet or a hood in America.

Stuart

Tire is the American spelling of the English word Tyre I belive that is all.

Tire is the American spelling of the English word Tyre I belive that is all.

The absolute worst place to be when you hear that flapping noise is doing about 65mph in the fast lane of any busy motorway, while it is chucking it down with rain. This is NOT a fun way to spend New Year's eve

If you are a member of one of the motoring associations and you find yourself with a flat on a motorway, it is far, far safer to call them out to change your flat for you - even if you could do it yourself. Lots of people get killed on the hardshoulder of motorways, if you call out the AA or RAC (or whoever) they park their big solid truck a little way up the road from you which offers some protection while the wheel is being changed.


k

Serious question for UK drivers now...

What are the actual rules governing what you should do if you get a puncture on a motorway in the UK nowadays. Do you repair it yourself or are you supposed to use the emergency phones to call for help, even if you're not in one of the motoring organisations?

Well, given that the 'phones are going to be phased out, I'd say not.

From a common-sense POV, I'd say change an offside tyre, ring for help with a nearside.

I'm having a weird moment at the minute. I could've sworn that some of this information was already in an EG entry. I know this, because about 10 months ago, I was going to write an entry on the same subject, found it was a duplicate, and changed it to A737598 instead.
Now, I'll be buggered if I can find the EG entry which I'm sure was there 10 months ago. Did I dream the whole thing?

B

From a safety point of view, even if the tyre is on the nearside I would call for help because a car or lorry could crash into your vehicle while you are changing the wheel. The motoring org. van with its flashing lights help to warn cars on the carriageway that you are there, and if something does come careering down the hardshoulder it will hit the van, not you and your car.

Those lorries thundering past feel awfully close even when you are crouching on the nearside.

Do a lot of crouching on the nearside, do you?

B

I've had my moments.

I bet

What were we talking about?

B

Actually, having that blowout on the M25 was really frightening - I had that horrid thumping and my sterring felt spongy. It is a modern car so thankfully it stayed fairly stable, but it felt very weird. I took my foot off of the accelerator and started indicating to get over - would any bugger let me in? No. I was really crawling (well, was down to about 30mph) before somebody flashed to let me into the middle lane then thankfully there was a gap on the inside that allowed me to get onto the shoulder.

The weather immediately got worse and it was dark, cold, and wet. I didn't have a coat or a brolly (too windy for one anyway) and while I was waiting a little way up the bank for the 4th emergency service some other, unmarked truck pulled up right behind my car. I was a bit nervous at this point so got on the phone to the boyfriend, in case that would put off any potential nutcase. Happily he then just pulled out again. I am hoping he was a breakdown truck looking for a different breakdown rather than a random nutter!

I think we've got a good (and extremely useful) entry going on here, but I think it could be even better (and much more useful) if all the 'Why is it always that...' humour was dropped and replaced with instructions for stopping those infuriating things happening in the first place. For instance:

Try to keep the jack, wheelbrace, and spare tyre as accessible as possible. You know that one day you're going to need it so why bury it under a mound of junk in the boot?

Keep all parts of the jack greased so that they don't rust and it becomes unusable.

All vehicles which need a jack to raise them have jacking points - either brackets welded onto the chassis, or points on the axle where you can safely put a jack - consult the owners manual if you're not familiar with these points, and if you bought a second hand car with no manual, find out *before* you need to know where they are.

Keep a couple of pieces of wood (20cm x 20cm x 4cm ideally) with the jack and wheelbrace in case you have to change a tyre on soft ground.

A short length of pipe (a piece of scaffolding between 70cm and 1m is ideal if you have space to store it) which you can slip over the end of your wheelbrace for extra leverage can be a godsend. Hunt around scrap metal dealers, building trade merchants, and city dumps to find something useful.

Better still, once a month, and always when you get your car back from the mechanic, take off each of the wheelnuts and lubricate the nut and the lug with axle grease. If you do this regularly I guarantee that you will be able to do them up as tightly as you possibly can (even with an air hammer), and will never have any trouble getting them off. And no, they won't come undone while you're driving.

Remember that scene from the film 'A Christmas Story' where they get a flat? Ralphie's dad is proud of how quickly he can change the wheel. With a little bit of forethought and preparation, changing a tyre is a piece of cake, and you shouldn't ever have to bother the AA or the RAC about it unless you're on a motorway.

Oh, and I guess the title of the entry should more properly be 'How to change a car wheel', since changing the tyre is done by the pros.

Yes, that's a good point. Changing a tyre's not easy without a tyre iron.

B

Worst place? Rural Canadian road at four in the morning in January on the driver's side at 35 below 0 C with no streetlights on the way to catch a transcontinental flight without proper winter footwear or gloves.


but seriously (actually, the above was a pretty serious situation), I think you should mention for the newcomer to nuts and bolts "righty tighty, lefty loosey" (I've watched many an experienced wrench turner struggle to remove a nut while all the time pushing it on tighter). Also, for the particularly snug lugnuts, jump on the end of the tire-iron (provided the car is firmly grounded).

anhaga