The discovery of a flat tyre on your car is best done while it still sits in the garage , which generally provides a good surface on which to sit the jack. If , however , a strange *helicoptering* flap-flapping sound is heard while the car is in motion , the driver can be in one of many degrees of trouble , depending on where the car is .

The worst place is probably in a street with not a single parking space available , particularly if the street runs up a hill . There are other horrifying sites of course . A rutted gravel country lane with narrow or no verges comes to mind . ¹

But once a place to pull over and stop has been found , what then ?

Step One .

Get out of the car and kick the tyre . This does not do much good except to relieve frustration in a minor way

Step Two .

Open the boot and find to your further frustration that :-
You have to unpack the shopping / luggage or general detritus that sits on top of the spare tyre and the jack before they become available

Step Three.

Ensure that you find ALL the pieces of the jack . No doubt the winder will be as far removed from the body of the jack as is possible.

Now jacks come in many shapes and sizes . The commonest one nowadays to be found in the average family car is that one which has the misnomer of * lady’s jack *, so called because some male chauvinist idiot believed that the fairer , tender sex would have no difficulty in manipulating it whereas in fact it is a real problem to the most hairy chested of males.

Inevitably it is already wound to its highest extension and rusted in that position so that it cannot be fitted in the space between the ground and the car chassis .

Why was it not kept greased ?

Bashing it on the ground may help to use up any excess adrenalin thus far accumulated , and may even loosen it so that it can be placed in position.

Placing it is not always simple . The head of the jack must be carefully inserted into the correct point of the chassis , and its foot set on a firm base which may even have to be constructed . A couple of pieces of strong flat wood kept in the boot is advisable for use in this situation

The jacking point can be found described in the manual of the car, but to find the exact spot on the chassis requires kneeling in the dirt and running the fingers along the underside of the car , thus accumulating a thick layer of dust , oil and other unmentionable substances

Over eagerness at this point can lead to carelessness that may be costly

With the gears in neutral , and the handbrake on , the laborious business of raising the car body may begin too soon for it may need to be lowered again , so that the wheel does not revolve as the wheel trim is removed . It is a law of nature that whereas a wheel trim will easily fly off while the car is in motion , to be crushed on the road by vehicles following , the one on the flat tyre will be most efficiently jammed on.

Step Four.

Before the wheel is once more raised from the ground , the next task is to loosen the wheelnuts , with whatever means are available to you as the application of too much force can push the car off the jack

Since the wheel was last put on in a garage , it will indubitably have been fastened with an electric drill attachment , and so be beyond the strength of the average Hercules to loosen 2. ² Calling upon all reserves of strength . or the assistance of some passing Samson , the nuts may finally yield , though at the cost of knuckle skin

The tyre is then removed from the uncovered bolts, and the hands made even filthier by the dust and dirt adhering to it . The hands are now only slightly dirtier than the knees of the pants where the repairer had to kneel in the road dust

Step Five .

The spare is removed from the boot , and the driver may bless the fact that the last time he checked pressures , he inflated the spare as well .
The wheel is manoeuvred onto the bolts and held there with one hand , while then begins the frantic search for the nuts , which should have been placed together in the upturned wheel trim , but were not .

Found , they are finger - tightened in position and then tightened a little more with the wheel brace.

Step Six

The jack is lowered and removed and the nuts fully tightened in a diagonal pattern while the wheel is firmly grounded.

Step Seven

All that remains is to put the spare in the boot , repack the shopping / luggage , replace the jack , and drive off , leaving the wheelbrace on the verge where it had rolled under the car

All in all a job best left to an automobile association mechanic