The Last Man?
Created | Updated Nov 3, 2003
Well, as promised when I joined, having finally found the short story I had published at university (or at least the first page of it, will need to work on a new ending.....) So here it is:::::
Dedicated to Douglas Adams and his Galactic Hitch-Hikers which inspired this short story....
... The sun rose once more on the blackened landscape, revealing the forlorn figure of a biped - paused, as if in thought. To the East an explosion rent the deathly stillness and a sleek torpedo shape settled gently to the ground. Out stepped, or rather slithered, a serpentine being, with several obviously manipulatory appendages surrounding where its neck should have been.
" Skwark blundfer gollug meep ..." issued from a silvert box the being carried, as it approached the biped - which continued to do nothing. Suddenly the box emitted a final squeek before lapsing into comprehensible speech: "... drat it! Aha that's better. Hi there!"
When this failed to elicit so much as a blink in acknowledgement, the serpent fell back to fiddling with various knobs and switches in a very business-like manner muttering to itself all the time "... and I'm sure I had it set right ... hmm... let's try this .... skwark blibble smong... no, no that's not it ... hmm? ... maybe its in shock ... I'll ask."
So doing, it turned back to the biped and enquired "Are you alright? ... Not shocked by my appearance are you?"
Finally this seemed to impinge on the other's consciousness, to the extent of eliciting an answer "No, I couldn't be... Just... thinking." After a pause it continued in the flat monotone, that the translator rendered all language, " I seem to be doing a lot of that lately."
" Aha ... you speak!"
"Of course."
"Oh! Hello then, my name's Slarf."
"Really?"
"Yes, but that's unimportant" replied Slarf, obviously annoyed by the apparent unresponsiveness of his subject, "So, what's been going on then?"
"Not much recently. You see, they had this war."
"I can see that! I mean ... how did it happen?", adding as an afterthought, "and where is here anyhow?"
"How do wars normally happen? One side gets annoyed with something the other side does and starts blowing them to bits. This one seemed to be going quite well to start with, and then seemed to get a bit out of hand and kille dmost of 'em off."
"I couldn't see any other evidence of life on the rest of the planet" pondered Slarf. "So what happened to the rest of you?"
"Oh that would have been the Mutant Star-goat - came and ate all the survivors."
"So what's this planet called, anyway?"
"Earth, do you like it?"
"No ... No not really."
"Neither do I... never did really. Come to think of it, don't think there's anywhere I have..."
"Erm..," Slarf dais, momentarily at a loss for words, "So what side were you on?"
"Neither" said Marvin, as he continued to trudge in the circle that seemed to have been worn into the ground.
"Oh! Ah, well, be seeing you then."
"Doubt it."
Slarf, having got all the infohis journalistic mind told him he would get from this dejected creature, made a quick tour of the rest of the Solar system begore submitting his article to "Space Farts - the Intergalactic Journal of the strange and uncanny".
Meanwhile the dejected looking biped continued circling, occasionally stopping and looking at nothing as the sun set, and the shattered moon took up its dying rays, lending a momentary beauty to this otherwise bleak and ugly landscape.
And that's it... I finally found the 2nd and last page while clearing out my Garage last night! So the masterpiece is complete!! What do you think?br/>
Oh, BTW, copyright (c) 1991, 2003 Argon0
Dedicated to Douglas Adams and his Galactic Hitch-Hikers which inspired this short story....
THE LAST MAN?
... The sun rose once more on the blackened landscape, revealing the forlorn figure of a biped - paused, as if in thought. To the East an explosion rent the deathly stillness and a sleek torpedo shape settled gently to the ground. Out stepped, or rather slithered, a serpentine being, with several obviously manipulatory appendages surrounding where its neck should have been.
" Skwark blundfer gollug meep ..." issued from a silvert box the being carried, as it approached the biped - which continued to do nothing. Suddenly the box emitted a final squeek before lapsing into comprehensible speech: "... drat it! Aha that's better. Hi there!"
When this failed to elicit so much as a blink in acknowledgement, the serpent fell back to fiddling with various knobs and switches in a very business-like manner muttering to itself all the time "... and I'm sure I had it set right ... hmm... let's try this .... skwark blibble smong... no, no that's not it ... hmm? ... maybe its in shock ... I'll ask."
So doing, it turned back to the biped and enquired "Are you alright? ... Not shocked by my appearance are you?"
Finally this seemed to impinge on the other's consciousness, to the extent of eliciting an answer "No, I couldn't be... Just... thinking." After a pause it continued in the flat monotone, that the translator rendered all language, " I seem to be doing a lot of that lately."
" Aha ... you speak!"
"Of course."
"Oh! Hello then, my name's Slarf."
"Really?"
"Yes, but that's unimportant" replied Slarf, obviously annoyed by the apparent unresponsiveness of his subject, "So, what's been going on then?"
"Not much recently. You see, they had this war."
"I can see that! I mean ... how did it happen?", adding as an afterthought, "and where is here anyhow?"
"How do wars normally happen? One side gets annoyed with something the other side does and starts blowing them to bits. This one seemed to be going quite well to start with, and then seemed to get a bit out of hand and kille dmost of 'em off."
"I couldn't see any other evidence of life on the rest of the planet" pondered Slarf. "So what happened to the rest of you?"
"Oh that would have been the Mutant Star-goat - came and ate all the survivors."
"So what's this planet called, anyway?"
"Earth, do you like it?"
"No ... No not really."
"Neither do I... never did really. Come to think of it, don't think there's anywhere I have..."
"Erm..," Slarf dais, momentarily at a loss for words, "So what side were you on?"
"Neither" said Marvin, as he continued to trudge in the circle that seemed to have been worn into the ground.
"Oh! Ah, well, be seeing you then."
"Doubt it."
Slarf, having got all the infohis journalistic mind told him he would get from this dejected creature, made a quick tour of the rest of the Solar system begore submitting his article to "Space Farts - the Intergalactic Journal of the strange and uncanny".
Meanwhile the dejected looking biped continued circling, occasionally stopping and looking at nothing as the sun set, and the shattered moon took up its dying rays, lending a momentary beauty to this otherwise bleak and ugly landscape.
And that's it... I finally found the 2nd and last page while clearing out my Garage last night! So the masterpiece is complete!! What do you think?br/>
Oh, BTW, copyright (c) 1991, 2003 Argon0
