A Conversation for The Ballpoint Pen

Peer Review: A948549 - The Ballpoint Pen

Post 1

Fashion Cat

Entry: The Ballpoint Pen - A948549
Author: Archangel Fashion Cat (Bring your Abbreviations to A975666) - U137089

Comments gratefully received!

smiley - smiley


A948549 - The Ballpoint Pen

Post 2

Gnomon - time to move on

I think this could do with a few headings.smiley - smiley


A948549 - The Ballpoint Pen

Post 3

Fashion Cat

Have added a few headings, but not sure if it needs some more. What do you think Gnomon?


A948549 - The Ballpoint Pen

Post 4

Number Six

Good entry - just a quick query - when you say "$100,000 worth of ballpoint pens was sold, primarily due to the introduction of the new technology", do you mean they sold so many because the new technology of the ballpoint pen generated so much interest, or are you referring to another un-named technological development that enabled them to sell loads of pens?

Actually, thinking about it, shouldn't it be "$100,000 worth of pens WERE sold"?

Cheers,
Number Six (Sub-editor and pedant)

smiley - mod


A948549 - The Ballpoint Pen

Post 5

Fashion Cat

yep. it should be were! ANd I've changed it to say this new technology. smiley - smiley


A948549 - The Ballpoint Pen

Post 6

Fashion Cat

yep. it should be were! ANd I've changed it to say this new technology. smiley - smiley


A948549 - The Ballpoint Pen

Post 7

Fashion Cat

There. You got it in stereo smiley - winkeye


A948549 - The Ballpoint Pen

Post 8

Back_Ache

Unless I'm being thick (which is actually quite probable) you havn't mentioned "space pens" I also find the last parapraph of two needs some work as it loses "oomph" and gets a bit "boggy" and dosn't seem to end nicely.

That said its a nice artical and not too long well done!


A948549 - The Ballpoint Pen

Post 9

Gnomon - time to move on

Hi Fashion Cat! I'm glad to see you put a few headings in. It still looks very fragmented, though. I suggest the following: add one more heading - "The cheap disposable vs the luxury writing implement". Then start moving some of your paragraphs around so that they all belong to the sections they are in. If necessary you can disturb the strict chronology to develop the entry along the lines of the Bic, the Parker, the battle for dominance etc.


A948549 - The Ballpoint Pen

Post 10

Fashion Cat

Back_Ache, I've done a seperate article on the Space Pen, which is also in PR at the moment. As such, I've kept it of here.

Will shift paras around to lump them together then. smiley - biggrin


A948549 - The Ballpoint Pen

Post 11

Felonious Monk - h2g2s very own Bogeyman

A very good article. One point which might be interesting (puts on white labcoat):
Ballpoint pens use an ink which contains a large proportion of thiodiglycol (HOCH2CH2SCH2CH2OH). Thiodiglycol and hydrochloric acid make mustard gas. Should we therefore get the arms inspectors to check on the number of ballpoint pens that Iraq ordered? Or is Saddam stealing them so he can make WMD's (that would explain a lot)? smiley - winkeye


A948549 - The Ballpoint Pen

Post 12

Demon Drawer

Oh my god how did my Biochemical graduate fiancee miss that interesting fact. smiley - winkeye


A948549 - The Ballpoint Pen

Post 13

Fashion Cat

Ah! so thats how come the US know that they are going to have lots of nasty things.. they count the number of pens they order! smiley - winkeye


A948549 - The Ballpoint Pen

Post 14

Demon Drawer

But how many are there in teh Whitehouse and Pentagon.

smiley - run


A948549 - The Ballpoint Pen

Post 15

Fashion Cat

smiley - laugh


A948549 - The Ballpoint Pen

Post 16

Felonious Monk - h2g2s very own Bogeyman

I think you're more likely to find crayons in the White House.


A948549 - The Ballpoint Pen

Post 17

Fashion Cat

smiley - laugh

oh. fantastic! smiley - winkeyesmiley - biggrin


A948549 - The Ballpoint Pen

Post 18

Felonious Monk - h2g2s very own Bogeyman

Dubya is just colouring-in the invasion plan as we speak. It's his third attempt and he's only just managed to colour inside the lines.


A948549 - The Ballpoint Pen

Post 19

Felonious Monk - h2g2s very own Bogeyman

Resolution 1441: 'The Rissolution is...that we all sign it and take it to Christopher Robin' (A.A. Milne)


Congratulations - Your Entry has been Picked for the Edited Guide!

Post 20

h2g2 auto-messages

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