h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Getting Around in Canada in the Winter - A946820
Author: anhaga - U215480

self explanatory

I like this, and having spent a winter in Sweden, I agree with it.

You presumably know it isn't suitable for the Edited Guide because it doesn't mention studded tires, snow chains, driving on ice, driving on snow, solidified diesel, pre-heating your car, shovels, gloves, sand, and all the other things that people associate with - gasp - winter driving.

Mind you all is not yet lost. Maybe one day... You see, a number of researchers are trying to get a parallel Underguide up and running here on h2g2 for entries which are not suitable for the Edited Guide, and which deserve a wider audience. This made me smile, it nearly made me laugh, and it linked to the entry on Canada which really IS good, in an entirely different way, of course.

So two things really:

anhaga -
If you want to know more about the discussions and thinking surrounding the putative Underguide mosey on over to A928929 and join in the conversations there.

And calling all Miners -
does anyone else think this would be a suitable entry for the UG? It made me laugh, it is true, it is to the point. Or is it too much of a single punchline joke?

B

thank you. If you look at the Peer Review thread, you'll see that I originally wrote it as a joke, but then I found the edited entry for Canada A53443 and got quite mad. I left "Getting Around" in Peer Review as a protest and actually got good responses. Then I wrote a new entry for "Canada" which will hopefully become an updated edited entry.

anhaga

I missed the PR thread. The boundaries about what is and is not suitable for the Edited Guide are a bit fuzzy, but I can see why this is considered not to be. Check out the Underguide pages, we are trying to spread the word and get feedback (and buy-in) from writers and readers alike.

Ben

You know, I've lived in this country all my life and driven in it most of my life (much of that time in the winter) and I've never used studded tires or snow chains, the diesel at the station is always winter diesel when it's winter time, I don't pre-heat my car or worry about sand, and driving on snow and ice is just driving, for goodness sake. As for gloves, why do they call it a glove compartment?

anhaga

Whereabouts in Canada are you? The reason I ask is that I am travelling through canada a bit this summer with GTBaccus, and we are meeting as many h2g2ers as we can. A rolling meet, in fact. He is in charge of the itinerary, I am just in charge of the beers!

If you want to meet some real live netizens, just let us know. If we are passing by, we'll include you in the plan.

Ben

Okay, I admit it: I'm in Alberta. I know you're looking for a stop in Alberta. I feel desperate to preserve my mysterious anonimity, so I don't know if a meeting will happen. Let me consider for some time.

anhaga

As long as you like. I understand the anonymity thing, even though I am breaking out of it myself, so if you would like to stay that way and not meet up that is perfectly fine. We won't get all huffy and offended!

Take care, and all the best.

Ben

Well, the new Canada entry has been recommended. I'm tempted to put this one back into Peer Review for a while.

'Tis up to you - I think this is probably suitable for the Underguide, but probably not suitable for the Edited Guide, but if you are up for it, put it in PR.

Good Luck!

B

I think it's okay for the UG, (hi anhaga) we said jokes were okay, and if we're going to go back on that, we should start with this one, because it kind of looks weird with a beautiful poem and then a joke

I'm just arguing myself here, for the record, I think it's suitable

Hey, Ben (if you're still subscribed to this thread):

Here's an entry that might help you if you get to Alberta: A986989

anhaga

That is GREAT! Did I tell you GTB is making sure that we take all the relevant Guide Entries with us - we are road-testing it, you could say!

We *are* going through Alberta, mid-late August, (I do have dates but not under my eyes at the moment). If you would like to meet up with us that would be remakably cool - if you prefer to remain a Mystery of the Frozen North - that is - er - cool too. Some folks are more private than others.

Thanks anhaga.

B

My version:

Put your coat on.

Realize your keys are not in the pocket you put them in.

Look in yesterday's pants pocket.

Look in all the obvious places.

Swear loudly and accuse your mother/spouse/significant other of having taken/misplaced/otherwise tampered with your keys.

Find your keys in your bathrobe pocket (or on top of the dryer in the basement, in the bag from the groceries you hauled in the night before, or wrapped in a kleenex in the pocket you looked in first off).

Take your coat off becuase you have to go to the bathroom.

Put your coat on.

Move the dog/cat/family pet off your boots. Put the first boot on. Look for the second boot. Find the second boot on the top shelf of the coat cupboard where your mother/spouse/significant other put it when they tripped over it last night. T%his will take some time, as it is still wet from the night before.

Go outside.

Put the key in the lock.

Go back into the house to get the lock defroster.

Defrost the door lock.

Put the key into the door and unlock the car.

Turn the engine over. Try again. Try again. Try again.

Stop, because you have flooded the engine.

Realize you forgot to plug the car in the night before.

Look in the trunk for the electrical cord to plug in the car.

Look under the seats in the car.

Go back into the house and ask if anyone has seen the cord from the car.

Get the cord from where your mother/spouse/significant other had been using it in the basement to plug in the fan. Apparently, he/she wasn't sure if it was working and rather than put it away for the winter not knowing, took the only cord he/she could find from the car and tested it.

Hand him/her the cord which was on the shelf three feet from the fan and take the cord for the car out and plug the car in.

While the car engine is warming up, locate the car brush.

Brush the 3 1/2 feet off the top of the car to reveal 2 inches of ice.

Start the car and put the defrost on.

Start chipping at the ice.

Go back into the house to get a bandaid for the cut you got on your hand when the car brush snapped in two. Get your hairdryer.

Plug the hairdryer into the outdoor plug and start melting the ice on the back window (the back defrost only seems to work in the summer).

Unplug the hairdryer and take it back into the house.

Get into the car and drive away as normal.

Get halfway to work and realize that your purse with your office keys is sitting in the hallway.

Bang your head firmly on the steering wheel 8-10 times.

No, no, no. I've never had an experience anything like that. Never in my life have I had to defrost the lock.


The story I love is of the guy who decided to defrost the lock by blowing into it, only to have his lips freeze to the car door.

The day after my mother left for Nepal, I left the house and tried to start the car (The Rustbucket, our previous chariot. Now, thankfully, in the land of crushed cars.).

It wouldn't start so I got out and plugged it in. I locked the door and went to go into the house to wait for it to warm up. When I arrived at the front door, I realized that the keys were still hanging from the steering wheel.

I was locked out of the house and the car in minus 15 weather. None of my neighbours were home. Luckily, I had my cellphone. I called CAA and, pretending to be my mother (she has the CAA), called for a truck. Luckily, because I had no place to keep warm, they sent someone right away.

My brother and I were driving along a country road one winter day and came upon two young guys looking forlorn beside their ditched Mini. We stopped and poked at it for a few minutes and then I said to my brother (thinking of my other brother who had owned a Mini once) "why don't we just lift it out?" He looked at the car for a moment and said "you think?" I said, "it's worth a try". The two young guys looked at us like we were crazy but they each grabbed a wheelwell and (to their surprise) they were on their way a moment later.

That would be about the only positive thing I can think of about owning a Mini.

Back when I was in high school my boyfriend was going to buy a Mini. I said I would never, ever ride in one. It would be like driving a marshmallow down the highway. Get hit by a truck and it would crush it like an ant.

is something going stupid with the BBC server tonight? I keep getting error messages.

back to winter driving:
It's funny. I've gone sliding sideways through intersections on country roads between gravel trucks, I've fishtailed through rural school zones, I've hit ditches, slid sideways down freeways during rush hour, etc. but I really don't feel like I've had trouble with winter driving. It just seems normal to me.