h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Mort quickly ducks as a small leatherbound 1st edition of 'Dragon Baiting by JR Hartley' circles the room and swoops down to rest on the desk*
These books have a very strange sense of humour. White Wizard, do you have a book on making tea? One of the newer students requested a mug of it and i have looked through all the books on tequila but there doesnt seem to be a tea variety. Any ideas?
*A rustling of pages on a shelf warns Mort that he is still in the flight path and he scurries off*

A strange request but I'll go have a look

Right then, here you go you will find it on shelf A906617

Thanks White Wizard, doesn't seem to be any mention of alcohol in it though . No accounting for taste though I guess.
Might just improve on the recipe myself.
*more shuffling of books and strange whispering from the top shelves. Mort edges nervously towards the door*
In fact i will get on to it straight away

*cough and splutter*

Bit dusty in here.

*ducks as book makes a crash landing on the reading desk next to her*

No need to take it so personal! I only came in for a basic spell book.

*Walks in, starts running as a book just misses eating his left ankle*

While you're at it, do you think you could pick me up a copy too?

*ducks again*
Crikey they are a bit feisty today... they are not usually this bad, i wonder if they are short on ink, they tend to write themselves you know. Well, at least add bits on to the original authors work anyway.

*a well aimed book on vindictiveness in the modern world aims itself directly at Morts head*

Ouch!!
That was just plain old mean!!

*she strikes a matcha nd a sudden calm settles on the library*

Thats better. I am going to head to the magic and spell section. Is there any objection?

*silence*

Good - let's keep it that way shall we?