h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Michael Jordan - A928479
Author: Crax - U214782

I would like this to make the Edited Guide, if its good enough because MJ is certainly worth a mention.

I agree, nice entry. It's certainly informative, but maybe you dive in a bit too quickly to his NBA career. You also leave out the incredibly famous "Air Jordan" brandname, and all of his other famous advertisements, like for Hanes underwear and Ballpark Franks. It might be a good idea to make a little subsection in there for advertising. But that's just me

I'm wondering if you were still interested in working on this article. It's a great start.

Just a few editing ideas, a few typos and some minor comments.

1) Editing
If you are at all familiar with GuideML (the HTML used for writing articles on h2g2) you can use HEADERs to break up the article into sections. For example, "MJ the Man" "MJ the Spokesman" "MJ before the NBA" "The NBA meets Micheal" Yuo get the idea. It allows for nicer transitions.

Also, perhaps a title change, Micheal Jordan - the basketball player. You'll see that even obvious titles and names have that second bit. There are articles like Star Wars - the Movie. It's just a thing folks do here on h2g2. But it's fine either way.

2) You'll have to find some typos yourself, I'm afraid I'm just too tired right now to reread the article. Sorry. . .

3) Content

MJ was a sophmore when he failed to make his high schools varisty team. He did play on the Junior Varsity team that year, and was promoted as a Junior to the varisty team. The best athlete at his high school BEFORE he got there was his older brother.

MJ is terryfied of swimming and water. He hates boats and stuff, When he was a kid he was swimming with a friend on a beach near his home when his friend drowned.

You didn't mention the Gatorade sponsorship "If I Could be like Mike",
or the McDonalds "Off the stature, over the banners, off the bleachers, nothing but net" ad with Larry Bird.

I would certainly mention a little about MJ's childhood. He had a great family with a very supportive father would really encouraged him. This needs to be clear, especially because his father followed him closely his entire life, until he was murdered.


When Micheal returned to basketball (the first time) the "He's Back" headline was in response to the press briefing he sent to the AP, Rueters and all major newspapers which had only two words: "I'm back"

I think a few more sentences regaring his first return would be appropriate. he played terribly in his first two games back, butin the third game, against the hated New York Knicks, he scored >50 points. In the deciding playoff game against Orlando, Jordan turned over the ball with less than a minute remaining when the Bulls were down by only one point. He clearly was not yet in total basetball shape.

You should mention that he played on two Olympis teams (84 and 96).

Finally, he did not just take a managerial job with the Wizards. He bought into the ownership group that runs the Wizards, as well as the NHL team in DC. He was given an executive job, in Player Development, but he did no coaching. He had to relinquish his ownership and his management duties to play again, because of slary cap reasons.

Anyway, I hope your still interested in writing more in this article. It is well on its way!

Friar

Thanks for your help with the article.

I have included some stuff about MJs childhood and I have also learned about GuideML now.

I found a couple of typos and ammended some errors. so once again thanks.

In the second para you say "be like mike".
Of course, "mike" should be, "Mike."

In teh 'growin' up' section, you say, "However when the team manager got sick Jordan was allowed on the bus.", you need a comma before the word Jordan. Actually, that whole section is longing for a few commas, so take another look.
In the frist sentence of the NBA stuff, you need a comma after, "In his rookie season'. In teh same sentence, the final clause, 'the year before they had not made the cut', should be another sentence.

I'll let you have another read for punctuation type stuff, but the format looks loads better, and I really like the additional material.

Overall, I think the article looks great and read really nicely.
Cudos on a job very well done.

With some minor tidying up this article will be ready for the front page, IMO.

Let me know when you've had a chance to go back and fix the little stuff and I'll do another, more thorough read.

Friar

Excellent entry I see no reason why this shouldn't make an appearance on the front page

Thanks Gosho!

Thanks for your help with the article Friar, I have made those corrections and a couple of others but if there are any more I cant find them.

Thanks

Nice work Crax.

By the way, are you a Chicagoan or just a fan?

Either way check out: A782264. It's my massive and under construction article on Chicago.

Friar

Nicely written. What's an NVP, btw?

Ah, MVP = most valuable player. Yes?

Your Guide Entry has just been picked from Peer Review by one of our Scouts, and is now heading off into the Editorial Process, which ends with publication in the Edited Guide. We've therefore moved this Review Conversation out of Peer Review and to the entry itself.

If you'd like to know what happens now, check out the page on 'What Happens after your Entry has been Recommended?' at EditedGuide-Process. We hope this explains everything.

Thanks for contributing to the Edited Guide!

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