h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

One day, not very long ago, a good friend stopped by the apartment in
which I was living in Austin Texas and pronounced, "Adrian, let's you
and I go and enjoy the best beer in the world"!
We proceeded to Shakespeare's Pub, of all places, located in the heart
of Austin's lively downtown district and ordered a fresh cool pint of
Newcastle. My first. I was twenty one and am now twenty three.
Three pints later, I remarked on Newcastle's smooth taste. Six pints
later it indeed seemed to be the best beer in the world, Eight pints later
I proclaimed this mysterious brew to be the best in the universe. Ten
pints later I swore to never drink another beer if I could only find
my way home! Iam forever in debt to my friend for introducing me to
that lovely lady Newcastle. The only problem is I live in Texas and
ninety percent of Texans prefer beers like "Bud Light" which taste, to
me atleast, like a cross between strong water and cold piss. In any case as they cradle their pathetic libations, I toast to the hearty yet smooth ale we all know as Newcastle. Thank you England, you won a piece of my heart or at the very least my liver.