Sir, your tree is waiting!

While the Managing Directors of Irritating Public Radio, Your Friends In The Air, understand the cultural and emotional significance of the unavoidably impinging Holidays Season, and while they try to
accomodate the most prevalent and persistent of the traditions and observances, to the point of actually quaffing a pint or two when having had forced upon them that they don't actually have to pay for it, unless they really want to...

It has come to the attention of the Chairimp of the Baird of Mangling Defectors that some of the more impertinent and importunious of the employees are
using their Internet connexions to look up more and more upscure Christmas traditions and observances from darker and dimmer corners of the globe and history...which reminds me, the next time one of you ****-**-****s
replaces the soft white 40watt in the Chief Engineer's lit world globe with a red or a black light,
we're gonna set a trap for you and you'll get what's comin' to ya, ya wait and see, you cunning little ...

In any case, a set of guidelines has been produced, to guide the employees, most especially the "creative" and "inquisitive" ones who will now find the words "Yule",
"Tide", "Christmas", "Woden", "Ann Rice", "Martha Stewart" and "Ronald Biggs"
locked out of access on their main server, in their pursuit of officially approved office behavior and gaiety. These be the guidelines:

Which reminds me, will the ferrety weasel who put the mistletoe in the light fixture over the door to the staff Lady's please consider himself on report.
The idiots who noticed and chose to take advantage of the situation have already been dealt with and will be out of the bandages by New Years.
Attorneys are still being consulted and the employee Boxing Day fund has been plundered in hopes of forestalling any severe action.
Any further furtive activities of a similar sort will resort in missle-toe sniffing dogs being brought in and the culprit being deported to Manchester.