Ask Mr Thinker

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Hello, all. I'm going to be playing the part here of Mr Thinker. I'll be answering questions dealing with life, and whatever else you could possibly think of.

Dear Mr. Thinker,

As of right now, I have a large rabid possum living under and occasionally near my front porch. It has the annoying tendancy to savagely attack anyone going in and out of that particular door. I've warned my friends of this, but it's such a hassle. My question is, would it be wrong to invite my nefarious work partner over for dinner if we both work for the EPA?

That all depends on how many EPA agents will be near by, and how they will be armed. If there are more than four, no go, and definitely not if they have those horrid tranquilizers. They smart like the dickens for hours after you wake up. And the last thing you want in front of your house are a bunch of rioters. Its such a waste of time and water hosing them all down.

Dear Mr Thinker,

I recently saw the movie E.T., and I was wondering, what is E.T.'s phone number?

I had it once, but he's stopped answering nowadays. I think he's screening his calls...

Dear Mr Thinker

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

African or European?

Dear Mr Thinker

Is utilitarianism ethical? What's your view?

Utilitarianism, according to the Columbia Encyclopedia, is defined as, 'The theory that the rightness or wrongness of an action is determined by its usefulness in bringing about the most happiness of all those affected by it.'

Ooh, great. Ethics, big time. The whole 'The ends justify the mean', debate. My opinion is that it is dead wrong. For such a simple, and, I must admit, logical idea, it ruins all sorts of things. That philosophy turns soldiers into things, and body counts into 'numbers'. Hitler would have been a big fan of this, for in his eyes, his Holocaust would then be justified. A horrible thought. It approves wars, it approves collateral damage, it makes crusades and suicide bombings seem decent and right. I must say that such an idea is best left in the trash bin of philosophy.

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