h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I'm trying to work through some stuff to do with accessing support from other people. I'm a bit unclear on what's realistic to expect from people.

Mostly I find that, presumably because I have an invisible disability, people hugely overestimate what I am capable of. Also because I am both independant, and having to manage on my own alot, I tend to exercise control in the help I get from other people eg I want things done in ways that work for me not ways that the other person thinks might work for me.

Mostly I'm talking about practical support here. And it applies to both agency supports, and friends and family.

(As some of you know I don't talk about my diagnosis or details of my life on h2 so please excuse the generality of my questions. For the most part I need help with physical things because I get exhausted very easily and it's easy to damage my body if I overdo it).

I had a friend helping me with some stuff a few days ago. He seemed to want to do things his way, and I wouldn't let him because I knew it was going to create more work for me in the long run. I was trying to explain to him about this, but he didn't really get it. I also tried compromising on some things, which was good at times, but at others it felt like I was accomodating his ego so that I could get at least some of what I needed done. So not only was I having to help with the physical work, I was having to fight him as part of the process, and manage things within our friendship. Doubly exhausting.

Now I'm not sure I want to ask him for help again, but realistically there will be times when I may have to.

I'm pretty good at stating up front what I need. I just find some people can't handle that (I've had that with paid homehelp a number of times).

So, I'd be interested to hear how people deal with these kind of issues.

thanks,
kea.

This is an excerpt from an email of mine talking to another person dealing with the same frustrations. It was a bad day for the topic so there may not be much helpful here. Might help to know you are not alone with the frustration.

It is downright painful to learn to ask for help for many of us.
Painful to ask and be refused or told yes but ignored.
Upsetting when they say yes but do nothing the way you need.

Maddening when you do not really need or want a thing done that people just do on their own without asking often when you need something else far more urgently.

Frustrating when the helper decides they know best how to reorganized something their way even though they are able bodied.
Frustrating when met with the beggars can't be choosers mentality (which I usually put on myself)

Our sort of frustration is nothing you can possibly imagine if normally independant and competent at physical tasks and self serving at mobility and transportation.

I have no fairy tale here as far as asking for help. Some times easier than others but the loss of control is frustrating to say the least. Hubby is very good in many ways and I am grateful he is a good guy. I know most do not stay around long term.
BUT like many helpers, they do what they want and think you need IF in the mood rather than what you may really want, prefer or need much of the time.
I must stress Not always though!

Sometimes being helped makes the situation worse in ways by creating more problems or leaving a mess undone and forgotten.
Often it would be considered rude and unappreciated by those persons "helping" to explain this to them. It is further exhausting for sure.

I have to weigh the energy, the real price and the worst case senario plus the energy needed when asking for help.

I would rather be able to hire everything I want done but that is impossible. Still there would be problems but at least it's not friends and family coming with emotional baggage.

It is a rare person that is comfy asking for help anyway , usually another sort of challenge and the first hurdle for proudly independant people!

It was downright painful to learn to ask for me.

Painful to ask and be refused for some wimpy reason or told yes but ignored or forgotten.

Painful when you do not really need or want a thing done at a particular momemt yet need something else desperately.

I have always found it surprising who ends up being helpful and who is not! When I first started needing help with errands everybody always said well just ask the store. So many times there was nobody to ask at the time needed. Customer service at most places is worse than ever. I lost it one day when a helper said that and responded with if you do not jump to do something and blow me off what do you think a stranger at the store is going to be more pleased or helpful with requests?

Sorry it's more of a complaint than anything.

**************
More positive hopefully....

Mostly like all else I take one problem at a time and know just like nearly everything it will be harder , take longer and not be perfect in the end.

Pick your battles and helpers wisely.
Shower the best helpers with thank-yous, being specific about what you appreciated.

The helpers also need to learn how to help.
This is usually not a personal problem but inexperience with helping for some.
The best thing for the helper to do is to ask ;what can I do or volunteer what you are willing to help with and when ,being very specific.

For instance some do not mind shopping as much as others.
Some do not ind physical work as much as others.
You will need a support system of varying talents.
Tips can really help if someone has been extra good and gone beyond their duty. If it is a professional that is likely to come back it is well worth it(not always possible depending on your money.

If there are ways to barter with any service you can provide it is rewarding. Even a home cooked meal can be worth more than you realise to a person who never gets one. Same goes for non-sexual companionship, there is often a widower around that likes to putter and can be very helpful ,grateful for one of the two or both.

For years I dog sat , house sat and waited for deliveries ,phone and cable companies so people did not have to miss work. I called myself tha professional at bait and wait
It was a wonderful way to get by at the time. It gave me some wonderful vacation homes for a week to several months usually complete with creatures to care for and keep you company which I loved.

Please excuse errors because I am just to tired to get an A grade on everything when a grade c will do! That was hard to learn alsofor a person who always wanted to give their best no matter what it took. Nearly took my sanity!

Thank-you Abbi Lots of good stuff there, and it does help to hear other's experiences with this, just so I know I'm not being a beggar who thinks they can choose

>>
For years I dog sat , house sat and waited for deliveries ,phone and cable companies so people did not have to miss work. I called myself tha professional at bait and wait
<<

That sounds great! How did you get into that? Did you just go word of mouth, or via an agency?


>>
Please excuse errors because I am just to tired to get an A grade on everything when a grade c will do! That was hard to learn also for a person who always wanted to give their best no matter what it took. Nearly took my sanity!
<<

Your post was perfectly clear and understandable

I still have things to learn about this being fairly similar myself in my need to get things right. One of the more bizarre aspects for me is that I think that people think I don't care eg if the kitchen is messy, but really it's because I am too tired or sore to sort it out. And then when people help out I want them to do the kind of job I would if I was well, not the kind of job I'm capable of at the moment (as a friend says - if I wanted it done badly I'd do it myself). But I'm not sure to what extent people will do something well if they see the rest of my life messy.

I have had some wonderful help at times though, so I know it is possible. When people get it right it is such a relief. It's more how to manage when I have help that is a mixed blessing.

"One of the more bizarre aspects for me is that I think that people think I don't care eg if the kitchen is messy, but really it's because I am too tired or sore to sort it out. And then when people help out I want them to do the kind of job I would if I was well, not the kind of job I'm capable of at the moment (as a friend says - if I wanted it done badly I'd do it myself). But I'm not sure to what extent people will do something well if they see the rest of my life messy."

I totally understand this.
I like a clean home since I am here all the time.
It is also a safety,energy saving and memory issue to know where things are and they are clean and ready for use.

It was humiliating to me to have a messed up house. Yes aome people see the conditions as they are and not as you want. So sometimes they decide accordingly what your standards are. Right or wrong they do but you cannot worry too much about what others think. Right or wrong this is part of how people go about feeling they can decide for you what they think is important.

It is very frustrating and I think it certainly helps to talk about it some in a safe way. It gets worse if you do not. For me it did anyway - we are all different.

I am a bit sad looking back at the period when I cleaned rather than do other things (in retrospect)It was the last of my good cleaning years but also the last of my going out reguarly years which I had no way of knowing ahead of time.

Just like so many things I cannot be sure I would have done it deferently given another chance at the same since we all have our own priorities. My three biggies for energy were in competition and I did not have enough to go around. Nature and cleanliness and time with friends.

I was able to hire some help for the housework for a while.
We have been fixing the house so that I can be more comfy and maybe do more. I will be hoping that I can hire some cleaners again.
Even if I can only afford the bath-kitchen and the room I spend most of my time in that will be OK. That much is about half of our small home.

The hubby is not a cleaner though he has tried more. He did not understand at first it is like anything , it is a learned skill.
It is also never done like all housework it just keeps on going.
For those whom do not notice dirt et it is a silly worry to them. I finally convinced hubby it is important to me not to live in dirt. He likes a nice fresh and clean bed so I related it too him with that analogy.

I know you cannot be a perfectionist for other peoples work.
In fact I needed to give up a lot of my own perfection points for survival and sanity.
Some things and some helpers you may have to accept as it comes
Hiring is better in you have obvious bargaining skills.

Some people will dissapear fom the help zone if they *feel they have efforted an you had nothing but complaints or dissatisfaction, even if it was not all negative on your part. I can understand that one from both sides.

I do with health issues like with other things.
Declare for yourself-
Your priorities knowing you may not be able to have them all, or in the same rank, or all of the time.
ASK yourself;
What is the least you can reasonably accept?
What is the best you can imagine?
Most things will fall in between but it is always good to hope for the best because sometimes you actually get it!

It is a fine line to walk at times, good luck to you!
My heart and strength goes out to you

I am happy to be available anytime it is desired by you and possible for me

This is EXACTLY what i am going through. i am supposed to be going out with a group of friends this weekend; i suggested X was invited too & got the classic line "god, no, he's in a wheelchair! impossible!"



zdt

I have one friend that would love to push me around but she is so tiny and not very strong so I think it would hurt her. She is not in the best of physical shape in other ways. There are always places where they forgot to put the rollover curbs or wide doorways or soory but there is "just a stair or two" Because of these little surprises you almost need a person of size and strength if you go someplace unknown.

The friend who is quite large and strong enough never seems to remember. She said to remind her , and I have a couple of times but it never happened. I am not confident she really is OK with it.

Some of the folks willing to push are like race car dare devils and it can make quite a difference! Matters who the driver is

Probably like babies feel in buggies! I actually got pretty upset by this remark though, it seems like these days i am alienating pretty well everyone by talking about the needs of "the disabled".

Someone said to me today "ah, look on the bright side; if your leg stays this bad, you can get a wheelchair!" Er....can I? Who from? And who is going to push it? "Nah, get one of those electric ones!" Ah, yes, right, no probs....any idea how much they cost?

Anyway, X has been firmly excluded from the evening it seems. I have seen the future & am not 100% impressed.

What really gets to me is that so much of it is common sense. Everyone who knows me knows that i find the stairs a huge problem, yet if they want something & i say "it's upstairs in the bathroom; left hand shelf" or wherever; they don't take the hint; so either i have to make an issue "Could you go & get it yourself please, i try & limit trips upstairs where possible" *stupefied look*, possibly "nah, the exercise will do you good!" or (much easier) stagger up & do it myself & get more *stupefied look* when i remark that i am actually very tired & possibly in pain."nah, stop feeling sorry for yourself!"

I am actually completely flabbergasted by peoples attitudes; until it happened to me, i honestly thought most people were fine about handicaps & would do their best to help if they could. The opposite seems to be true. I have seen a massive change in peoples attitudes to me, the more my physical problems progress, the less friends i have. It's NOT 'cos i moan about my probs, (hah! "you lot" get that honour!); it's simply that they don't want to be hassled by the possibility of having to help me.

The guy in the wheelchair by the way, has same condition as me, i was told "No, we aren't going to let you talk to him 'cos it will only depress you!" Er....as far as i know, our condition doesn't affect the brain, maybe, just possibly, me and X could decide this for ourselves??? Maybe, just possibly, two folks with the same problem might actually like to talk to someone else who understands?

Do we take sugar i wonder?

zdt

Sorry for the delay.
About "sitting or waiting for a living"

I was fortunate to know a lot of people so word of mouth kept me as busy as I wanted.

I had very little money for rent so I lived with 4 people in a large house that was very accomadating. I did the light work house work for the common areas in the house for less rent and also took the smallest room.

Because I was older and preferred living by myself even though I had great roomies and was thankful I thought of house sitting first after having done pet sitting.

I did weekends to several months at a time. When I was away the ultility bill at home was prorated for a minimum which helped.
I had no costs in most places I lived other than gas and sometimes food but usually not. Around here there are a lot of second homes where people are gone for months at a time. That was my favorite set-up because they were luxary homes in beautiful settings.

I could not and did not commit to anything beyong being there, watching pets if needed,though I could not do the small farm care type animals. Any numbers for emergency -fixing problems- vets et where left with me. They mostly wanted the home to be inhabited and safe.


*************

Waiting
The waiting for appointments came about throuh people constantly saying - Since you are not doing anything would you do this or that?
I was a bit incensened at the notion of them assuming I would do favors and that I was not doing anything. I had to explain I am not working due to my health,my time is energy and it is low so it is just as valuable as anybody elses.

***
Many of the things were ridiculously beyond me.
One I always remember >> "Would you stand in line for theses tickets ? I do not have 4-6 hours to do this and I know you are not doing anythingThese requests were always from aquaintances not people who knew me. I would say no once, then no twice because it is physically impossible, the third time I would be offered money to do it.

This is what gave me the dea for waiting though
*sigh* As if money was the motivator! I would have still been working if I could stand out in the extreme weather for hours.
Sorry, I was not going to drift!

***


OK back to the issue.
I never was bonded but that would be neccesary if you advertised and worked for strangers. That is a background check and maybe some assurance you were responsible. It is often a legal requirement that protects you ( or a feeling of it)on both sides.

This was decades ago so I know it has caught on and people charge more than I did then.
I was 10 dollars a day for house,10 for an animal, ( 15 a day if it was one easy animal and easy home)5 for each extra animal. Any extras were one on one situations and charged 10 per hour for any other services type work.

It helped to have a notary for when you were accepting deliveries or services for people. The people would have to inform the business in writing and I would then sign for whatever. Furniture - phone and cable services, waiting for refrigerated items or flowers in extreme weather. Those sorts of services often give you a 4 hour range at best , sometimes it is all day that you wait only to find out it will be the next day!

I was worth it to many people to pay per hour for waiting. I had to have all in wiritng and did exactly what they said and was not responsible for wrong deliveries if I was not able to inspect beyond name , serial numbers, written estimates et.
I never had any problems. Tho there could be so I tried to cover my bases as far as responsibility.

I had a person who would not give permission -cedit card information at a vet ( not me)if something came up, not even a number or history of vetenary care. I would not take responsibility for the pets health or do the job without the ability to really care for them in an emergency.

Terri you reminded me of one point.

It is very difficult to deal with such life changes.
It is harder for others to.
I know for sure they cannot begin to deal satisfactiorily until you do.

It is a process.

You will be angry the rest of your life if you expect people to know, volunteer, understand, read your mind, or remember your situation is different. But the good news is it is still normal life in so many ways.

You want these things figured out so that you are not as frustrated or frustrating. For me, the person with a great deal of patience for others but little for myself > I had to create much more for myself than ever had before.

People do not think about others all that much and there is no way they can understand what your body is going through. I think you just have to adapt and get used to that if you want to be around people or have them as guests.
The one thing it can teach, if needed, is how to ask for what you need.

If you keep going up those stairs when you should not you may be givining your last energy or whatever for other people small minds or whims. Instead of expecting them to understand or doing it anyway I strongly recommend parcticing - I am serious. It is self serve here.
Please help yourself or make yourself at home.

Don't expect them to bring you back something or ask if you want womething even though you would think people would If you also could use something and are used up for the day be sure to say help yourself and grab one for me while you are at it.

It becomes more imporatnt not to assume.
All the things you do to adjust are the same to have a healthy and balanced existance it is just that it becomes more of a survival skills than basic make my day better stuff.

Whatever is out of balance with you will be exaggerated with disability. Whatever is aout of balance with others will too.
It is a wonderful opportunity to fine tune many skills.
Yin - Yang

Yes, you are very right. Anyway, today has been massively better. A Certain Person has returned; voluntarily; & has helped out without being pressured, with lots of practical stuff, hauling plantpots around, helping with the, trotting up & down stairs, even going shopping & *not* moaning about it! Progress indeed.

more details by email.

zdt

Glad thing are better for you Terri

*wonders how Kea is*

Also wonders.

The previously mentioned support went flying out through the window last night, perfect example, at a party, not many chairs, he went & found one for himself, didn't occur to him that both myself & a pregnant lady might also appreciate sitting down....

zdt

I'm good. We've just had a general election here, it's the wee small hours and I'll be off to bed soon. The gooder guys won, just. It's a relief but undermined somewhat by the fact that the badder guys nearly got in

I've been finding this thread very helpful - already been able to make some shifts in myself. I'll update you both when I'm not so distracted by the political goings on.

How nice to hear the better side won in the election!

Glad some of the above has been helpful.

I always remind myself IF nothing else ;
I can always be an example of how not to be!

Me too, me too!!! One thing you certainly shouldn't do is the instant your latest leg injury improves a bit; go dancing around on it...I am now even worse than i was before; totally self inflicted.

Of course anyone who saw me hopping around happily in public last night will assume i am a total fraud; they don't realise that when a good day happens you tend to make the most of it & appear probably very hyper, but personally i pack in as much as possible 'cos i know they happen less & less often, inevitably i end up doing far too much, then it's backlash time.

I find pacing myself very difficult.

The fact i have an active puppydawg at the same time as a bloody painful incapacitating knee injury is one of life's more horrid coincidences; honestly, some people can be so dim "why did you get a puppy when you can't walk properly?" "because, you moron, at the time i got him i COULD walk, OK, not gonna win any marathons, but walk on flat surface, yes. I am not quite clairvoyant enough to know a couple of weeks later i have difficulty getting up from a chair. Now would you like to *really* help & take said puppy for a fast sprint round the block?"

But of course you can't say that can you? We are supposed to be nice & docile & grateful for whatever we get.

Glad the good guys won for once!

zdt

Right. I am actually in tears here; tears of absolute & total relief that the major practical problem *may" be sorted. There is a company here which delivers your shopping, looked through the catalogue & they add only about 1 cent onto the price you pay in the supermarket AND you can get the budget price brands AND they specialise in "BIO" ie organic foods.

Basically, what this means to me, is that i do NOT have to beg people to take me shopping or face the alternative of staggering out every day 'cos i can't carry more than a couple of bags at a time. And returning so wiped out with the effort that i can do nothing else that day; so all the domestic crap builds up; which then has to be sorted the day after; then it's time for shopping again, never any time for anything useful, creative or relaxing...all i do is come on here 'cos i can at least sit down to do that!

It means independence.

I can order online, pay with my card at the door; know when it is going to arrive, plan in advance, not have to try & construct a meal with whatever i have stockpiled from the last time i persuaded someone to take me shopping (usually at the wrong end of the month!)

This is possibly going to make the difference between me giving up on life or carrying on. I am NOT asking for life to be easy & i am far from lazy, but there are real limits to what i can do & shopping has become the major one. So if this works; it is massive. The fact i can just say "er, excuse me sunshine, but, no, i am not needing you for helping me shop, i may need you for other stuff; let's talk about that" is a huge thing....for both of us.

So: practical advice from here: see if there is a decent delivery shopping service where you are; get the major hurdle of the handicapped (ie: how not to starve) out of the way; then we can start thinking about the other stuff. Next step; who's gonna help out in the house occasionally? But if they don't get bullied into shopping & DO get fed by me; maybe a lot more possibilities for a fair trade i reckon!

zdt

That is so great Terri! I absolutely know how much difference this can make. I get my groceries delivered about 50% of the time and it's the difference for me of being in survival mode versus having some energy for the other essentials like socialising.

Interestingly it's the small retailers that are happy to pack up stuff and send it to me. I have to pay, but at least it means that I can hugely limit the amount of times I have to go to town. The big supermarkets and chain stores here are pretty much useless as getting stuff to me, but I think it'll get better over time.

I'm so glad you have sorted this I've been thinking lately how much of my energy is spent in survival mode. Hootoo and another forum I go to are the major exceptions, places where I can run free so to speak. With friends in RL I feel I have to constantly be aware of how much I am asking them to do so there is always this underlying tension for me in the friendships. I think this is because generally there is more I need doing than people to do it so there is this constant balancing in my mind of my needs vs not wanting to create stress with other people.

Yup; that's it totally. I keep doing juggling acts "er, need something doing, no can do, who did i ask last time, try & spread the load, ask someone else."

You end up feeling like a total f***ing drain on people & i find myself adopting a fawning, cringing type persona; apologising for my existence , which is so totally NOT me that i end up either hating myself or deciding "oh sod it, i will do without; or lower my principles; anything to avoid this."

"They" honestly don't realise stuff like: It's 6.45am here, i have HAD to get up 3 hours ago 'cos the legs just screamed so much; no way on earth could i sleep. so obviously i am going to be sleeping at some bizarre time later today. Then you get totally out of synch with the rest of the world. So i end up having a to try & drug myself into sleep at the "right" time.

I despair at times; i must confess. If i could have somebody come in just once a week to do stuff in the house that i really really can't do it would make a huge difference; i LOATHE living in a gradually deteriorating mess. I feel guilty coming on here, but as you say; it's a place to run free *remembers what that was like in reality & mourns*; i watch my& bounding away in total joy &....that's something else "they" can't comprehend.

"Oh, you shouldn't have pets, it's more & more hassle" Yes, it is, but it's also a bloody lifesaver emotionally to have creatures around who love you unconditionally & motivate you to keep as active as you possibly can.

I am really hoping this shopping thing works out. It seems a bit too good to be true, they don't seem to add on much for delivery; how on earth do they make a profit? But i suppose if you add a cent onto everything; the temptation is to order more cos it's easy; certainly when i do go shopping on foot, i limit stuff to whatever is essential & lightest to carry. And big monthly shop is done via bullying someone into taking me in a car; so i tend to just get it done as quick as poss to avoid inconveniencing them & often end up buying stuff based on "that's big, can't manage it by myself, so get lots now!"

....and then have to find somewhere to store it that i can actually reach! I crawled around the other day into the back of a low stock cupboard & discovered stuff i have bought twice over simply 'cos i couldn't access it; didn't know i had it; now it's out of date. maybe i should list what's in that cupboard & tape it to the door.

I try to decant things into jars & put at an accessible height; but in a small place, there's only so much reachable space isn't there? Loads of stuff ends up just getting dumped into corners; the attic is now pretty much inaccessible & a complete tip; basically the house is becoming utterly unsuitable but i really don't have much alternative. I've been on the waiting list for a ground floor council flat for two years now; just an ordinary one, not specially adapted for handicapped needs.

It's silly stuff like: i sleep on a mattress on the floor 'cos i cant afford a proper bed base so every "morning" i have my first problem "How do i actually get out of bed?" I can't lever myself up; one of these days i just won't be able to do it & viking isn't always there to pull me up (& is bloody useless at it anyway; i will end up with a broken wrist if he keeps yanking me around like that, he is like most folks & doesn't realise about body weight, gravity, balancing etc)

Ah well, life goes on. It could be worse!

zdt

Do excuse me, i am about to fume, i find if i vent while my iron is hot it helps me calm down ever so slightly.

As you know, i am on medication, mainly for an irregular heart rhythm; beta blockers & diuretics. It is extremeley dangerous to stop these suddenly; heart attack being a strong possibility. After an immense battle, the Powers That Be have accepted this is an "affliction long durée" ie ain't gonna go away till i do; so i get 100% cover for those meds.

As you also know, i have the bloody demyelin thing, which means basically the legs are falling apart, so falling over is a pretty daily occurence & each time i damage a bit of leg, it takes longer to get to about 50% of what it was before.

So, today i made the major effort of staggering round to the pharmacy to get my meds. They have known me for years, know the, know i have the Bloody Knee on top of all else & can basically only walk if knocked out on painkillers; which make the nerve condition worse etc etc etc. I am supposed to have an automatic renewal prescription; but last time i went they said "nope, it's run out, go visit the & get him to renew it.

like most of France in July & August is on holiday. I manage to wheedle a temporary one from another doc. Go to pharmacy today "Nope; this won't do, go see your real again" HOW????????? Walking to pharmacy has sent the knee into levels of pain i previously only had nightmares about; walking twice as far again will...i don't know, i think just actually result in total permanent damage. But the choice is non functioning knee or heart attack (or just give up of course!) so i stagger to. Receptionist witters away; nope, can't have a renewed prescription without an appointment, can't have an appointment without phoning (er, should i phone her whilst standing in front of her?)& obviously since i have skankydawg hooked up outside to give him a walk poor thing, can't hang around.

It's nearly a month now since i did the knee in. I eventually asked the to come & visit, he was pathetic; viking bandaged it up 100% better. Doc just said "Go to hospital, but *you* will have to pay for ambulance & Xrays & any other treatment & anyway the only cure is strap it up and most important REST it."

ha ha ha ha hah! Chance would be a fine thing!!!! Rest is a luxury reserved only for folks with family/cars/riches; the rest of us just get worse & then get blamed for being useless.

I am bloody 50 tomorrow.This half century is enough i think; the idea of facing daily deterioration without support is pretty unbearable.

(Don't anybody say "why can't viking give you support?", he is apparently emotionally stressed right now, possibly he may appear for my birthday, possibly he may find himself finally ditched)

I "only" tripped over twice on this marathon so i suppose i should be dancing through hoops. Plus only screamed "STOP!" at idiot car drivers about 5 times; honestly, you would think that severely limping woman with puppy would signal "hey, maybe let them cross the road at their own pace" is a reasonable idea; but nope. Let the ba**ards knock me down, then me claim compensation big bloody style! Or possibly get totally squashed; pray the is Ok. I should get a will together really; wonder if you can do this online?

zdt*rant over; continue normal transmissions*

The same nonsense goes on here.

The medication lag came when the docotor was gone and nobody will take over. Meantime the docor moves.
After suffering with no medication for months due to no fault of your own you are often told ;well if you went that long maybe you do not need it! Happened to several people I know.

They now have a policy (for the poor)of no long exams, tests for diagnosing or treating things that cannot be permanently fixed for whatever reason. It could be a medical or money or location or transportation reasons.....
They do not have to inform you of possible medical options if you are not capable of aquiring them. This is lying and dismissing through ommission.

**********
Terri please try to get something with wheels for you to support yourself. Would your skanky be able to pull a cart eventually? I am wondering if that may be possible.

You do need rest but cannot get it so some helpful implements are in order to keep you aligned as much as possible.
There is usually a group of nuns or other folks that take used equipment from those whom have passed on. They have walkers and wheelchairs, carts other things. I wonder if there is an online site for such things in France? Doctors that treat mainly the elderly always have an option to pass on support equipment and may be worth asking about.

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I'll see if I can find a picture of the one walker like thing I have.
Pride often keeps people from using canes - walkers -chairs but it can make a huge difference in not further injuring yourself and taking pressure off your spine which in turn helps knees - hips, ankles. It also saves energy.

I am very concerned about your mobility.

I was glad to see you can get shopping done and delivered.
There has been improvement in such practices.
At first it was mainly for the rich and too busy but it's best use is for the disabled and elderly. There are stores that cater to each type and set the prices accordingly.

The pharmacy should be able to deliver, check that out next time.
I hope this gets sorted out soon.
I really hate to see this extra stress and strain happening to you.
I hope it helps to purge a bit