Robyn Hoodie, the Virgin Diaries - Chapter 30: Tripping
Created | Updated Aug 31, 2024
Chapter 30: Tripping
Early the next morning I woke up to Dad's swearing because he had nearly given up on fitting all our packs in the car, like every other year. So far it had always fitted in the end, although I must admit that this would be the first time with six packs and five passengers because the Twins are also joining. Robyn helped out by lying spreadeagled on top of the roof box, making suggestive movements to make sure Dad could turn the key of the box to the locked position. Some ratchet straps were added as an afterthought (after removing my sister) to prevent premature explosive opening of the roof box on the German Autobahn. Following extensive goodbyes and promises to stay in constant contact (the girls had claimed all the available low-voltage outlets in the car for that purpose and had upgraded their data plan accordingly) Dad drove off, only to stop again after just a few metres, because the car's mud flaps were scraping the ground under the weight of five people and luggage. This was quickly solved with the unholy application of a pair of secateurs to the aforementioned mud flaps. (I got tasked to get rid of the resulting thick chunks of rubber)
Once they were out of sight, I could concentrate on my own plans for the day. This would include a visit to the library to get some pizza and a visit to the pub to see if there was anything left worth drinking, maybe hand the key back to the landlord. Then I would go and mess up the private streaming service histories of Mom, Dad and Robyn by adding some interesting movies to the 'Continue watching' list.
As I was adding the extended works of the Teletubbies and Peppa the Pig to Robyn's list, I browsed through the mountain of instant messages in my inbox (triple digits already!). I concluded that the girls must be having fun, despite complaints from Dad that the acetone from their nail polish session (a different colour for each nail) dissolved his earwax and gave him double vision, which is problematic when you are driving a car at high speed. This was quickly solved by a massive traffic jam and the subsequent opening of the windows, to let in some much needed hot, moist and only slightly less polluted air. Two hours passed with photos and videos showing how my girlfriends managed to win the All Tarmac volleyball Cup. This also caused a traffic jam the other way, doubling the number of competitors. The cup turned out to be a large unicorn mug, kindly provided by a friendly truck driver, who had decided this was an excellent occasion to finally get rid of the thing that had him poke his eye out at every use (due to the horn, which was surprisingly pointy).
The traffic started moving eventually, as the rescue crews had finally managed to remove the BMW that had folded itself around the upright part of a viaduct. We assume the driver must have survived because the onboard camera footage was already on YouTube by that time, teaching us some new German expletives in the process. Robyn used one to act as my personal notification sound, to annoy Mom and Dad, so I made sure to send her a lot of texts as well.
She showed me the massive holes that the Germans dig in their landscape for their lignite mining operations needed for power plants, that lead to significant Autobahn detours, because tarmac doesn't stay up in the air that well. Some Googling told me that whole villages and a forest had had to make way for this, but also that extensive protests curbed the originally planned size. Once depleted, there are plans to turn the holes into lakes for recreation.
Against earlier expectations, I was the one to go to bed first (more traffic jams and a closed gate at the planned campsite).
Virtual good night kisses are not the same thing and Dad forcefully broke the connection, claiming he was about to start vomiting from the assorted soggy sweetness.
