Deep Thought: Community Thinking, as Old as Aesop
Created | Updated Jun 22, 2024
Deep Thought: Community Thinking, as Old as Aesop
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One morning, children, I saw this on Twitter:
So today I found a goldfish just on the grass in my back garden. It was alive, I think, and have absolutely no idea where it came from. There's no ponds anywhere near. So I took it inside. . .
Ben Beska
Ben Beska, who is an English person, proceeded to rescue the fish by putting it in water. Then he went to a pet shop and acquired the makings of a small aquarium. He posted the information with photos on everybody's favourite social medium.
All hell broke loose.
Larry the Cat congratulated Ben, while remarking that he, being a cat, would have eaten the fish. However, many, many other people weighed in, concerned for the welfare of the goldfish, now named Alice. For one thing, his tank was too small. For another, did he have the proper additives for the water? Within hours, several thousand soi-disant experts had offered 'helpful' advice. It was amazing how many knowledgeable ichthyologists there were on the site.
After a while, an overwhelmed Ben complained that people had even threatened to call the RSPCA on him. Posting a video of Alice happily swimming in the new, nicely-furnished aquarium, he commented, 'Repeat after me: a hastily bought, temporary tank is better for a goldfish than lying dead on the grass.'
Some posters were ironically supportive, noting that one really ought to have a 200-liter aquarium lying around in case a stray goldfish should drop by. But it wasn't until the next morning (which happened to be a Sunday) that the snark got really good.
[Photo of toddler in cute hat, from behind, of course] So today I found a small child just on the grass in my back garden. I have absolutely no idea where it came from. There's no nurseries anywhere near. So I took it inside. . .
Zach Ferguson
The child needs a pet. May I suggest a goldfish?
Don Abruzzo
A Canadian commented, 'The poor British man.'
Personally, I am going nuts about now. I applaud Ben Beska's quick thinking. I find his aquarium solution elegant. I think Alice the Fish is cute. I do not envy Alice's human friend his sudden internet fame. But that's all beside the point.
What I need to know is: How did the fish get there in the first place? This Fortean phenomenon needs to be explored!
The Internet thinks otherwise, of course. In a choice between learning something and offering an opinion, the opinion wins hands-down. This has been true of the human race for thousands of years. How do I know this?
Because it's in Aesop.
You remember Aesop's fables, right? Or has 'wokeness' taken them out of the curriculum? (/jk, don't @ me.) Aesop probably wasn't a real person, but the stories date back to at least the 6th Century BCE. And there is one about people on the internet offering useless and contradictory advice about animal care.
You don't believe me? You believe everybody else on the internet. Okay, I'll prove it.
The Man, the Boy, and the Donkey – An Internet Tale
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Do you see what I mean? Aren't you glad we had the ancient Greeks to teach us these things? Can you imagine how silly we'd feel if we acted like those people today, at our advanced level of civilisation? I mean, we have the internet and everything.
I'm so glad we're much wiser now.
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PS: Alice the Goldfish, alas, succumbed to the trauma of landing on Ben Beska's lawn. She did not survive. Ben, however, was inspired to pick up a new hobby. His Twitter account now features photos and video of his large, new, fully-equipped aquarium. He even has computer-regulated pH balance. 'Aha!' he chortles. 'Find fault with that, ichthyologists!
