Episode 1

It had not been a good day for President Woodhed. Morning had brought new reports about rising unemployment, high inflation, and a trade deficit big enough to start a country of its own. Then there had been a noontime campaign meeting at which his pollster had informed him that 'half the people who voted for you three years ago have forgotten that you won, and another 20% think you died last Easter.'

The afternoon had started off on a more hopeful note when a boy scout troop had come in for a photo session with the President. Photo sessions had always gone well for Woodhed, so he wasn't expecting the chaos that was to erupt when the White House sound system inexplicably began playing 'Put a weasel in the White House,' a wildly popular song that had been made possible by Woodhed's former campaign manager, a man who, in a moment of drunken indiscretion, had told a reporter, 'Woodhed is so unpopular he couldn't even beat an extraterrestrial weasel.' As luck would have it, the boy scouts had a weasel as a mascot, and the jeering song was interpreted as a putdown of their troop.

Woodhed was alone in his office now, nervously watching the clock's hands creep toward four p.m., and hoping that the day would end without any further embarrassments. A top secret campaign report sat on his desk. 'We can still win this campaign if there are no more adverse revelations,' it concluded, 'and if we can keep our base of support in Nebraska.' How encouraging to be ahead of all potential opponents in only one state, Woodhed thought bitterly. Well, it could be worse. Nebraska could sink into the ground and never be seen again, right? No, no, that would be too implausible, even on a bad luck day like today. And at that point in time the phone rang.

Paulh

15.01.24 Front Page

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