Deep Thought: Why You Can't Boil a Frog, and Other Things That Aren't So
Created | Updated Aug 12, 2023
Deep Thought: Why You Can't Boil a Frog, and Other Things That Aren't So
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Many, yea numberless, are the tribes throughout the world whose natures we can not rightly expound nor their multitudes reckon, so immense are the swarms of birds and earth-treading animals wherever water, the roaring ocean, the surge of salt billows, encompasses the smiling bosom of earth.
We have heard about one marvelous kind of wild beast which inhabits, in lands far off, a domain renowned among men, rejoicing there in his home amid the mountain-caves. This beast is called panther, as the learned among the children of men report in their books concerning that lonely wanderer.
He is a friend, bountiful in kindness, to every one save only the dragon; with him he always lives at enmity by means of every injury he can inflict.
– James Hall Pitman, translator, The Old English Physiologus, 1821.
According to the Old English Physiologus, panthers fight dragons and then sleep for three days. When the panther wakes up, he sings. Oh, and panthers are sort of rainbow-coloured.
Whales are frequently mistaken for islands by sailors, who find out otherwise when they light campfires on them. That's only the Old English version: there's a Latin edition (translated from Greek, so you know it's all true) with even more fun facts to know and tell:
- The phoenix, a bird, periodically incinerates itself and then rises from its own ashes. This is a symbol of resurrection.
- The pelican (a real bird, mind you) feeds its young from its own blood. The pelican is a 'type of Christ.'
- Lion cubs are born dead. The lioness breathes on them and animates them. Isn't that cool?
- Of course, everybody knows that unicorns can only be caught by virgins. This has something mysterious to do with the Virgin Mary. Your guess is as good as mine.
The Physiologus existed in translation in Ethiopic, Armenian, Bulgarian, and Syriac, as well. It was a real best-seller. Obviously, this was top-notch information. Totally reliable. The main point was: nature is the way it is in order to provide humans with valuable Sunday School lessons.
The other day I was reading a detective novel written by a writer who is widely admired. Her fans claim her research is good. I do not claim this, because I have got to the one she wrote about monks. I've known a few monks in my time, and have taught Latin at their college, and this book is full of misinformation and mistranslation. So I tend to be skeptical.
In one of her books, she leans heavily on the metaphor of 'boiling a frog.' According to this popular metaphor, if you put a frog into boiling water, it will jump out. But if you start it in lukewarm water and gradually turn up the heat, the froggy will sit there too long and boil to death.
Any biologist will tell you that this story is a crock.
If you drop a frog into boiling water, it will die. (So don't do it!) If you put one in a pan of water and turn up the heat, the frog will look at you like you're nuts, because you are. It will jump out. Frogs aren't stupid.
Ostriches do not bury their heads in the sand in order to provide humans with examples of idiotic behaviour. Humans are perfectly capable of providing such examples all on their own.
Germs do not cause disease.
Once you hit 40 you cannot learn anything new.
When a car is hit by lightning, the rubber tires insulate it from the ground, so the full charge of the lightning bolt is often trapped in the metal car body. When you get out, be sure you are NOT touching the car and the ground at the same time!
Chemtrails are real.
The Earth is flat. Stars are holograms.
You know where I got these. Lots more where they came from.
Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose.
We need a new Physiologus.
