Midwinter Madness, as Performed by the US House of Representatives
With apologies to William Shakespeare. But not to Congress.
Which makes it tedious; for in all the play
There is not one word apt, one player fitted:
And tragical, my noble lady, 'tis;
For nit-wits do therein their wits expound,
Which, being full of nits, do make us titter
And rush to post their idiocies on Twitter.
Which, when I saw rehearsed, I must confess,
Made mine eyes water; but more merry tears
The passion of loud laughter never shed.
Which never labour'd in their minds till now,
And now have toil'd their unbreathed memories
With this same play, against the 117th1.
And limits of time, with only this
Excepted: there shall be no filibuster.
That you should think, we come not to offend,
But with good will. To show our simple skill,
That is the true beginning of our end.
Consider then we come but in despite.
We do not come as minding to contest you,
Our true intent is. All for your delight
We are not here. That you should here repent you,
The actors are at hand and by their show
You shall know all that you are like to know.
in the mood for dairy jokes. (general groans) Pray you, proceed.
But wonder on, till truth make all things plain.
Fox News reporters learn to check their sources.
Is once too many, tho' the office holder
His oaths did twice discard, and rabble rude
And bison-headed through our doors did send.
We beg for Unity, which in our minds
Doth total acquiescence thus require
That all are pardon who did then offend,
And all things civil in this House remain.
(Aside) Until the next time.
It was not thine email they did behack.
Has anyone else aught to say, before
We take these articles to Senate floor?
I've evidence of laser satellites
O'er California, and other grim
Phantasmal threats that…(she hesitates, groping for words)….threaten us with blight!
(on a roll now, inspired by Shakespeare)
O grim-look'd night! O night with hue so black!
O night, which ever art when day is not!
O night, O night! alack, alack, alack,
I fear my elect'ral promise is forgot!
And thou, O wall, O sweet, O lovely wall,
Which T**** did promise, and which still is not!
Thou wall, O wall, O sweet and lovely wall,
Show me thy chink, to blink through with mine eyne!
With tabloid fluff? What new conspiracy
Will baseless be invented, ere we see
Some sensible legislation voted be?
This is too much chat.