h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The scene is a large oak-panelled room. Rows of empty stackable chairs face a double door, in front of which have been placed three socially-distanced lecterns. A crumpled union flag drapes depressingly behind the one in the centre. A large TV monitor is mounted on the wall to the left, and several shadowy figures dressed top to toe in black train their cameras towards the door, or hold up sound booms.

After what seems an age, the doors mysteriously swing open by themselves, and three scruffy but besuited men clutching champagne flutes are seen stumbling from a side door into the corridor ahead, laughing loudly. A smartly dressed young woman in a face mask also emerges, takes the glasses, then steers them each towards the briefing room with a small shove. The two more grey-suited of the men peel off from the line to stand at the side stations. The other, tousled blond hair flapping, collides directly with his lectern, then manages to haul himself upright while simultaneously pretending to test the microphone. He gazes directly into the wrong camera, adjusts his tie, checks his trouser fly, then speaks:

“My fellow Britons”.

“Exactly 12 months ago, you voted to join the 2020 Deathlist game, and I promised that we would leave it by 31st December. Today is that day. It is the day we finally take back control of our Odyssey. It is the Scylla to the Brussels Charybdis, the Helen to their Berlin, the Paris to their, er, Paris”. (Aside) “Did I write this?”

“Anyway, on this momentous day in our history I stand before you to take questions, and the first question is from…” He consults a sheaf of papers “…Laura Kraken, BBC”.

The wall-mounted monitor flicks to a lady journalist dressed in a thick pink coat buttoned to the throat, the overall effect being of someone who’s been swallowed by a giant hot-water bottle.

“Prime Munuster”, she speaks, “Who wud you say were the overall wunners?”

“Gosh, good question, Laura. I’ll ask the grey man on my right to take that one”.

“Next slide, please”, slurs the man on the left, swaying gently.

“How about the man on my left?”

“Thank you, Prime Minister”, replies the man on the right, suppressing a small belch, “After a tense negotiation which went to the final moment, we are happy to announce that the 2020 Deathlist winner was Coelacanth, for the second successive year.”

“I’m told we have time for only one more question”, continues the blond man, “ which is from … Robert Prometheus, ITV”.

The monitor flicks to a bespectacled man in a study. He is clearly talking, but no sound is emerging.

“I think you’re on mute, Robert!”

“Robert, you’re on mute!”

The journalist continues speaking silently while fiddling with his laptop and leaning forward, giving the webcam a panoramic view of his nostrils. Eventually the sound booms into life with “So, what’s next?”

“Thank you, Robert”, continues the blond man, “Well, I think we can agree that whatever comes next is something momentous and historic and a new beginning, onwards and upwards, like that Greek chap - forget the name - who was chained and forced to push the rock up the mountain. Well, now he’s reached the top and the eagle can peck his liver out before he does it all again. But I’ll refer you to the grey man on my, er, left this time”.

“Thank you Prime Minister, replies the man on the right. “After careful negotiation, we’ve decided that from January 1st we will be running Deathlist again, under the same rules”.

“Yes, that’s right”, continues the blond man. “This is a whole new era of Deathlist under a completely different title: Deathlist 2021, and I announce it open! Sadly, that’s all the time we have, so until next time, stay safe, wear a mask, keep 2 metres, and wash your, er, hair, is it?”

He turns, but discovers he has somehow buttoned his trouser fly around the microphone stand, and the action brings both him and the lectern down with a crash. The smartly-dressed woman rushes to his aid, but, discovering him snoring deeply, elects to drape the flag over him and leave.

Deathlist 2020 Review


After another incredibly tight contest in 2020, Coelacanth registered her third outright victory, and second in succession (and so becoming the first player to achieve that) with a score of 55. For the second year running, Bluebottle and Galaxy Babe were on the podium.

On to the 2021 game, and here are some stats on this year's entries:


For the 2021 contest, 11 entrants have selected a total of 130 celebrities, 41 of which were chosen for the first time.

There are 96 men and 34 women on the list, and their average age is 81 years. The oldest picks are Kane Tanaka (117), Stanislaw Lowalski (110) and Norman Lloyd (106). The youngest pick is Greta Thunberg (17).


Sequences:

Six celebrities picked in the 2021 game have remained on the same list for 14 years. All are on Mol’s list: Alan Bennett, Michael Barrymore, Pete Doherty, Prince Philip, Rolf Harris and Tom Baker.


Long Time Away:

Tracey Emin and Bill Wyman were picked for the first time since 2007. Bernard Cribbins (last picked in 2008) has also returned, as has Joanna Lumley (2009).


Deaths in 2019:

Of the celebrities who died in 2020, 47 had been picked at some time or other in the Deathlist game, and 15 of these were correctly picked in 2020. Of those we missed, the most recent picks were Geoffrey Palmer (last picked in 2019) and Lynn Faulds Wood (2018), Two (Chuck Yeager and Peregrine Worsthorne) had not been picked since 2007.


The 2006 Originals:

A total of 31 celebrities picked in the first Deathlist game in 2006 are still alive, and 14 were picked again this year. Two celebrities have been picked in every year since 2006: Pete Doherty and Prince Philip. We lost originals Jackie Stallone, Kirk Douglas, Olivia de Havilland and Vera Lynn in 2020.


New Player:

I'm delighted to welcome new player Bald Bloke to Deathlist. An avid watcher of the threads, he has finally taken the plunge and joined the game. Good luck!


Lifesaver Award

Two players managed the near impossible feat of shepherding all fifteen of their celebrities safely through 2020 without losing a single one of them, and for this I have created the new “Lifesaver Award”, which this year goes to Minichessemouse and Pink Paisley.



And so, as Boris said, the game is now open. Please post any listed celebrity deaths in 2021 in the thread below.


Homepage: A88010264

Scoreboard: A88010273

Archive: A87874582

Icy

*curtsies on the podium*

*congratulates *

Thanks Icy, new pages and threads all subscribed to

Good luck everyone!

Love the fantastic intro! And thank you for my prize! (There is a prize, right?)

Well done Icy and thanks for organising everything again. Here's to 2021

I think the blond man gave your prize to one of his friends, sorry.

Still, you are on the roll of honour on the Deathlist Archive page:
A87874582

Icy

As long as the prize isn't one of the massive framed bugs the bespectacled man keeps in his study!

Oh, I said I'd post my list - for fun only:

Jana Bennett, TV exec
Nicki Chapman, broadcaster
Jose Enrique, footballer
Martin Kemp, singer
Dominic Matteo, footballer
Rosie Millard, broadcaster
John Newman, singer
Manmohan Singh, politician
Muhammad Rafiq Tarar, politician
Jimmy Tarbuck, entertainer
Norman Tebbit, politician
Bill Turnbull, broadcaster
Kate Walsh, actor
Julie Walters, actor
Johnny Ruffo (u50), actor

Icy

That list is probably going to get lost due to future postings. I have no objection if you'd like to put your selections on the main game page, in the table along with the rest of us, crossing off your hits, but not giving yourself points on the Scoreboard if you're not actually playing

Oh, I’ll just come back to it at the end of the year if I remember. I know where it is. The Archive links to the threads as well as the pages.

it should be on the list scoring points, Its not life and death (well it is but its only a game)

I concur.

MMF

I have no problem with Icy scoring points, I'll just take the P, if he wins.
How about next year Icy either publishes his list first, or emails to someone not taking part before opening the competition.
eg one of the post team....

I've no objection to Icy being on the main points-scoring list either.

If the objection is that by being in a position of knowing who has been chosen by others he was uniquely able to choose only candidates not picked by others, we could just allow him to play with a handicap that states that he doesn't get the bonus 5 points for unique picks?

<BB<

I like the idea of sending my list to a trusted third party. Maybe next year

Happy to be the third party.

MMF

Even though I don't live in the UK the scenarios similar to those described in the opening post haven't passed me by. Hilarious! Right up there with Matt Lucas!

I haven't heard of nearly any on your list, Icy. Good luck

Love the fantastic intro! And thank you for my prize! (There is a prize, right?) Yes U107357 there is a prize, you are exempt from all lists apart from Minichessemouse and Pink Paisles list as it seems their lists are for survivors.

I'm not entirely sure what you mean there ltp, but it does sound like a personal attack.

I don't understand it either. I'm pretty sure it's humour, Jim, but not as we know it.

it's was an attempt at humour, Jim, but not as we know it. And no malice was intended