Awix is the expert. For ridiculous opinions on cinema, you get me.

Okay, it's not a zombie apocalypse out there. But if the CDC can exaggerate, so can we. It's no big deal, really: stay away from people so you don't spread the germs around. Be careful when you have to shop. Keep busy: write something for the h2g2 Post. Play with your cats and dogs. And try not to antagonise your significant others.

Oh, and watch some movies and such. Netflix and other streaming services will 'help', of course. They have algorithms to decide your taste and recommend stuff. Oddly, they always seem to conclude that, based on your previous history of watching the most arcane stuff you can find in their (admittedly limited) inventory, you really want to watch their latest blockbuster, the one they've invested a lot of money in...

So if you're into the commercial product, go for it. If not, may I make a few suggestions for the differently mentated among us? These selections have made my evenings. Maybe they'd tickle your fancy, too.

Tales from the Backlog

• Samurai Cat (Neko zamurai): a two-season television series from Japan with English subtitles. In the Edo Period, a masterless samurai (ronin) is hired to exterminate a suspected 'monster cat' (this is a Thing, see Japanese folklore). He can't: the cat's way too cute! So he kidnaps Tamanojo for her own safety. The story is very, very funny, is surprisingly spiritual in places, celebrates Japanese kawai/cuteness culture, and has the best cat actor you've ever seen. It appears to have been shot in a history theme park, kind of like colonial Williamsburg with kimonos. Watch this, you'll thank me. Ladies: the lead is quite good-looking.
• One Step Beyond: This very old black-and-white series (early 1960s) was way ahead of its time. It's a go-to when I need a time-travel boost. Most of these acted-out tales were paranormal stories that somebody claimed actually happened, rearranged to make them dramatically more interesting. The host, John Newland, put his mouth where his money was: if you can, find the episode where he takes ayahuasca and trips out, live on camera.
• Skeletons: This British gem from 2010 was a fun find. Bennett and Davis, a Mutt and Jeff team, make house calls to perform 'The Procedure', but first, the occupants have to sign legal waivers. Ridiculous gadgetry is involved, also some form of psychic ability. The skeletons are metaphorical, but the closets are literal. This film is like what might have happened had Samuel Beckett been mellowed out by a Willy Wonka concoction. Very enjoyable.
• The Fare: 2019, indy film, shot on a budget that was probably doubled by the pizza orders. Filmed mostly on a deserted stretch of highway in the western US. Using a car that they couldn't turn off, because it might not start again. Trust me, the product was worth their effort. Yes, the man and woman in the taxi are caught in a time loop. Yes, they're in love. But there's more to this tale than meets the metaphysical eye. Worth your time.
• The Ninth Configuration: If you think of William Peter Blatty and immediately grimace about pea soup, I've got a film that will change your mind about him. Whenever possible, we come back to this wonderful, warm, funny, and totally spaced-out reflection on war, peace, madness, brotherly love, and the nature of Foot…er, God. Shot in Budapest (the castle exterior is Eltz, in Rheinland-Pfalz), this tale of PTSD and theology is the film adaptation of one of my favourite novels, Twinkle, Twinkle, Killer Kane. Forget The Exorcist, this is intelligent insanity. Blatty was a very funny man: Here he is trying to fool Groucho Marx into thinking he's a Saudi prince. (Blatty spoke fluent Arabic, as his family was from Lebanon.)
• The Big Empty: 2003, best low-budget film of all time. Starring Jon Favreau (the actor, not the speechwriter), Bud Cort, and Sean Bean, who thought it sounded like fun. Also, like all Yorkshiremen, he always wanted to play a cowboy. This cowboy's named Cowboy. He's from outer space. The Big Empty is the Mojave. There are aliens out there. The people at the truck stop in Baker, California are pretty alien, too. Especially Adam Beach, who is the funniest psycho you ever saw. Will John Person leave the planet? What's in the sinister bowling bag? A sidereal extravaganza.

These should get you started. I'll drop by with more if and when I find them. The good thing about isolation? You don't have to cater to other people's tastes. Wear what you like. Eat what, how, and when you like. And let your imagination run on its own tracks.

Dmitri Gheorgheni

04.05.20 Front Page

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