In the Not-So-Bleak Midwinter
Yes, people. It is really that cold in North America. Even the cats are wearing jumpers. Christmas jumpers, even. Nobody cares about fashion when the mercury's that low. Put another log on the fire, and curl up in your afghan to enjoy the h2g2 Post. Our photos, puzzles, and flights of literary fancy will take your mind off the White Stuff.
Is your new year starting well? We hope so. By now, you will have broken most of those ridiculous promises you made on New Year's Eve. You will be shamefacedly trying to think of excuses to give your friends, because you did not listen to us last week. We told you to keep quiet about those tiresome resolutions. You have only yourself to blame. One of these days, you will realise that we have only your best interests at heart.
So what do we have for you this week? Oh, so many good things.
- Awix has a film he wants to tell you about. It sounds kind of...well,
it makes you think of...oh, heck, we'll let him tell it.
- The Post has quizzes it wants you to try out. They'll keep you awake.
- Willem, of course, is not freezing his patootie off. Instead, he's painting beautiful birds for us. He even gets to go out and hold them and take their pictures. We appreciate these glimpses of another portion of the planet. And we'd like to point out, for the umpteenth time, that every single person on this planet is right now doing something that somebody else on this planet would think was astonishing and exotic. Which is why you need to share, people. Like Willem does.
- Speaking of exotic, our photographers want to show you the world. FWR, of course, does us one better: he proves that either the Truth Is Out There, or his camera is haunted. Please help him solve the mystery. There will be another X-File next week. Nigel's rubbing off on him.
- The weirdness doesn't stop there, of course. The saga of the Man from Delaware continues – or reaches its exciting conclusion, depending on what universe we're in. (Can we get one with different politicians, please?) Read these exotic and amusing stories, and join in the discussions. If you don't, people might be talking about you, and you wouldn't know.
- We have information for those who are intellectual and like to learn about things. The rest of you can go caption the kittycats and giggle at the cartoons.
- The Post Office has received numerous requests that we try, however feebly, to raise the moral tone of this publication if humanly possible. For that reason, photos containing potty humour will no longer be encouraged. We apologise to all non-British readers, and about half of the UK. The Guide Editors will have to figure out how to get their supermarket pics into the Edited Guide. We will be watching this development. Note: we do not categorically promise we won't publish such photos, but those Guide Editors will have to come up with a pretty inventive excuse for them beyond, 'I had a mobile in my hand, and I couldn't resist pulling the trigger.' To help us improve our content, we ask urgently that worthy h2g2ers similarly armed with mobiles please send us more High-Type Stuff, such as photos of museum exhibits, morally-uplifting sunsets, or, of course, kittens.
- We truly appreciate being followed on Facebook and Twitter. Sincerely. But please do not post profile pics of yourselves wearing bikinis. (Especially Bluebottle.) h2g2_Guide and Dmitri Gheorgheni both have been plagued with new followers of the 'Hey, Big Boy, come and see my etchings' variety. For this reason, we now have a kneejerk reaction of blocking any follower whose profile photo involves a thong or swimwear. (This also means you, 2legs.)
The Post Editor is tired of the extra work, and even tireder of the innuendo. Milla called me a 'bot magnet'. Enough is enough. If you don't know what we're talking about, check out the Twitter Mermaid in this week's issue.
So, read, enjoy, comment. Keep doing this until you get to the end of the issue. Then send us Stuff! And have an interesting week – wrap up, and enjoy yourselves!