Our wildlife artist is out on assignment in a wildlife reserve somewhere in South Africa. This week, you have to put up with the Post Editor. Dmitri is not any kind of wildlife artist, but is often to be found pursuing woodland and/or domesticated creatures with a camera on the farm, in the backyard, or at the zoo. This week's image has been tortured by Photoshop to within an inch of its life. However, Lola the Doglet was not harmed in the making of this masterpiece.

The domestic dog, Canis familiaris, has been around for millennia. Exactly how old dogs are isn't clear: the earliest undisputed dog remains are found in burials from 14,700 years ago (B.P.). They're related to grey wolves, as you can tell when they howl at the television set – usually when the despised Felis catus shows up on the screen. The origin of the word 'dog' is somewhat murky. It definitely goes back to Old English docga, 'a powerful dog breed'. But the word's history before that is unclear, as most Germanic languages prefer some version of the word 'hound'. Basically, it gives linguists headaches, and they'd rather talk about something else.

Dogs come in many sizes and shapes, largely due to human interference. One striking example of this interference is the annual Westminster Dog Show, confusingly held in New York City. The various types of dogs are called 'breeds'. There are a lot of them. At dog shows, the different dogs 'compete' by walking around in circles, accompanied by badly-dressed humans. Prizes are awarded for the most attractive dogs, although the badly-dressed humans get the ribbons and cups. The dogs get treats. It is not clear whether the dogs are aware that this is a competition, or what, exactly, they think is going on. Mostly, they appear to be having a good time.

The dog in this picture is not a 'breed'. At least, if she is a breed, she's keeping it a secret. Lola may well be unique. Allegedly, her ancestry includes Yorkshire terrier and Shih Tzu. This makes her hair grow longer than she likes, necessitating trips to Magnolia's Pet Salon. Lola does not like Magnolia's Pet Salon, because there are also cats there. But she does enjoy the shorter hair. She is indifferent to the gift bows, however.

Yorkshire terrier/Shih Tzu mixes are usually called 'Shorkies', although they are not recognised by the Kennel Club. Shorkies usually have plumy tails: Lola does not. She didn't misplace hers, she was born with only a stubby one. It wags furiously in compensation. Lola weighs five pounds. She objects to high winds, as there is a serious danger that she may become airborne.

Larger specimens of Canis familiaris often perform specific tasks, such as pulling carts, pointing out game, fetching game, swimming after waterfowl, etc. These tasks are usually assigned by humans. Very small breeds and mixed breeds, such as Lola, have independently decided that their function is to make humans happy, preferably indoors, and preferably in comfortable surroundings. After napping for a hour or two in a plush bed, Lola will decide it is time to exercise the local human, and will appear beside the computer, pawing at the knee. This is a signal to pick up a plush toy and begin the game. Those little terrier teeth are remarkably tenacious when holding the stuffed roadkill, and the fierce 'grr, grr' of the tug-of-war brings back ancient echoes of life in the Neolithic, no doubt.

Lola's size does have its drawbacks: she finds it difficult to reach the bed at night, where (of course) she prefers to sleep. The simple solution – a set of steps – was provided by a human. It can be said that humans are occasionally useful that way. They also provide pats on the head. Like Felis catus, dogs seem to appreciate the gift of opposable thumbs. At least, in their symbiotes.

This is all the information I have to share about Canis familiaris. I know you are all hoping that Willem comes back from the wildlife reserve soon.

Dmitri Gheorgheni

27.03.17 Front Page

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