If the groundhog climbs a tree, is it a protest against Global Warming?

Okay, what gives? Everybody knows that groundhogs don't climb trees. One finds the little furry sleepers in their burrows on 2 February, rouses them from slumber by making incomprehensible noises in Pennsylvania Dutch, and then decides on the weather forecast. The Grundsau then goes back to bed, grumbling.

But in 1920, some researchers startled a lady groundhog, or woodchuck, as they called her (it was in the days before Political Correctness), on her Vermont perambulations. The offended creature proceeded to climb a tree. The researchers protested at her, 'You can't DO that! Your species is not arboreal! We are certified mammologists, and have degrees. We know these things!' The stubborn furball insisted on staying up in that tree until they took a picture. They did so, and published it in a scientific journal, even. So there.

This year, the h2g2 Post would like to extend its sympathies and express its solidarity with groundhogs, woodchucks, and Grundsaus everywhere. Forget Global Warming. Never mind ancient superstitions. Stop talking about mythology and the Precession of the Equinoxes. Just shut up, go away, and rent that movie.

Nobody likes having their sleep disturbed.

Dmitri Gheorgheni

02.02.15 Front Page

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