h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

OK Dmitri I'm in! I hope someone comes and describes something soon and I'll try to recreate it artistically!

Wonderful! I'd hoped you'd be game!

OK, this is my effort.
"I'm always losing things and leaving them behind. Glasses and mobile phones are the worst, but I lost a camera in the States and I left a walking pole on a French hillside. So what I want is a robot finding device.
It would have to be mobile to follow me about, so it would need wheels or legs. Four legs would be good, to enable it to climb stairs and cope with rough paths. Its most important equipment would be a flexible mechanism which could pick up traces of my scent on things I've lost. Something like an elephant's trunk, perhaps. Of course, it would need a powerful microprocessor to find its way about and return to me. A brain of sorts. It would also need a camera, so it could see where it was going. Perhaps two, one on each side. Since I don't want my robot finding device to attract too much attention, it should be a neutral colour. Brown would be good. When I come to think about it, maybe what I need is a !"

Or a robot dog.

Over to you, Willem...

Righto! Give me a mo and I'll have something for y'all.

Here it is folks!

http://i360.photobucket.com/albums/oo45/WillemvdMerwe/roboschlepp2_zpsd18192e6.jpg

I hope you all can see that ...

That's amazing, Willem!

It took me a little while to understand the reference to 'Curtains 35' but...

It's brilliant. Of course, you've got to mail it in to now, and we'll run it in a future issue...

James Bond will be envious of you MVP! None of his gizmos are that cute and useful! It is wonderful Willem! MVP will certainly be the first one on her block with that.

It took two burly engineers to move the thing from its resting place, as it grated across the stone floor, inches of space, hidden for decades came slowly into view, accompanied by the screech of metal against terracotta .The gap widened, tempting, coaxing but also nerve jangling. What horrors would be revealed, hidden and festering in the dark, what foul creatures inhabited that pitch black cavity?
Steeling myself I squirmed into the gap, cringing as my leading hand touched sticky grime, stifling a yelp as a spider appeared at eye level.
One arm in and my upper body flexed against metal and wall until I finally came within touching distance of my goal. Greasy blackened fingers encountered sharp corners, still out of sight but oh so close now, I strained and twisted, cursing the angle my body was contorted into.
At last, with a final heave it was free, with the aid of the two stout fellows I wriggled myself back into the light, pleased with my efforts despite the disgusting black ooze that clung to the fingers of my right hand. Fingers that now clutched the elusive octagonal prize...

Tears in eyes...

FWR you are a brave man, to boldy go where neither NASA nor Star Fleet would venture!

Had to be done the unthinkable happened two days before Christmas....

I now have nothing but respect for cooker repair guys, that nut was a bugger to get off from the back of the range!

All right would you like an illustration of that Gothic nut extraction?

Oh, please - you can even BOTH do one, if you like.

Might be interesting to compare the two! Right, one Kitchen Range of Horrors illustration coming up.

Having lived through the horror, I think I'll pass, the amount of stuff that can get behind a very large cooker in a very tight space is wondrous!

Isn't nature wonderful?

Okay, Willem has challenged me to put my money where my mouth is, and tell what invention I'd like to have. So here goes:

What I want is a space/time folding machine. Let me explain.

Have you ever been out for a walk on a scorching hot day? The sweat's pouring down, and all you want is some cold lemonade. If you're American, you want that lemonade to contain crushed ice, a lot of it. Now, right about then, you start thinking nostalgically about winter...how crisp and bracing the cold air is, how delicious the first snowflakes of December...you want to be there.

Now flash forward to December. You're slogging along a city street, slushy snow everywhere. You step in a puddle, and the icy mixture seeps into your boots. You curse, and unbidden, there flashes into your mind the image of a hot, sandy beach...you can just aste those salty sea breezes, feel the sun warming your skin...

You see what I mean? Whatever's going on, you want to be somewhere and somewhen else.

Now, space/time can be folded. We know that. What I want is a set of origami instructions for doing it simply at home. Raw materials: tinfoil, pixels, quantum filaments, or fairy flypaper, I don't care.

I sort of envision something much like the 'cootie-catchers' of my childhood.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DHT3N-pXVTY

Only, somehow, on a more scientific level.

That's an amazing picture, Willem!