A Conversation for Superman's Wartime Animation
Peer Review: A87836007 - Superman's Wartime Animation
Bluebottle Started conversation Sep 4, 2014
Entry: Superman's Wartime Animation - A87836007
Author: Bluebottle - U43530
Here's a guilty pleasure – 1940s animation, including these Superman cartoons.
My kids love 'em too.
<BB<
A87836007 - Superman's Wartime Animation
Gnomon - time to move on Posted Oct 24, 2014
This is pretty good, Bluebottle. It deserves a thorough going through, but a quick read only uncovered one glaring error:
"parabolic arches" should be "parabolic arcs".
I'll try and get time to look at this later.
A87836007 - Superman's Wartime Animation
Gnomon - time to move on Posted Oct 25, 2014
Ok. Here's a detailed analysis.
into homes of people --> into the homes of people
"Fleischer Studios were an animation team led by brothers Max and Dave Fleischer that had been animating since 1919 and had formed their own studio, Inkwell Studios after their Out of the Inkwell series in 1921, which was renamed Fleischer Studios in 1929."
This is rather awkward with "Fleischer Studios" twice and the word studio twice more. Try this:
Max and Dave Fleischer had been animating since 1919 and had formed their own studio, Inkwell Studios after their 'Out of the Inkwell' series in 1921. They renamed it Fleischer Studios in 1929.
the techniques of rotoscoping, a technique in which -->
the technique of rotoscoping, in which
which was financed by loans from Paramount -->
which was also financed by loans from Paramount
repayment for all their loans --> repayment of all their loans
" These animations were not made as cheap episodes in a children's television cartoon series" -- this doesn't sound right. I didn't think there was public tv broadcasting at that time so you may mean something different from what it sounds.
These short films were made in 1941-3, some of which contained references to America's involvement in the Second World War. -- the phrase "some of which", because of its position, refers to the years 1941-43. Reword it.
they provided all the voices --> these three provided all the voices
white-coat wearing --> white-coat-wearing
a different directors --> different directors
Superman and the Daily Planet is located --> Superman and the Daily Planet are located
"the Superman series involves episodes which reference the Second World War"
-- "involve" is an odd word here. "Reference" is not wrong but "refer to" is better. So I'd say:
episodes of the Superman series refer to the Second World War
though less extreme than --> though less extremely than
Hitler/ --> Hitler.
successfully stowaway --> successfully stow away
imprisoned inside Yokohama --> imprisoned in Yokohama
the collapse a circus Big Top -->
the collapse of a circus Big Top
It was only after [...] that the term has become
-->
It was only after [...] that the term became
A87836007 - Superman's Wartime Animation
Galaxy Babe - eclectic editor Posted Oct 31, 2014
Thanks for this <BB< and the thorough read-through Gnomon
I'm happy with this and it shouldn't take much subbing, now.
GB
A87836007 - Superman's Wartime Animation
SashaQ - happysad Posted Nov 28, 2014
This is good, but I think it needs tweaking just a bit to make it clear what the Entry is about at the start... In particular how does "wartime" fit in?
A87836007 - Superman's Wartime Animation
Bluebottle Posted Dec 1, 2014
I've tweaked the start - what do you think?
<BB<
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Bluebottle Posted Dec 5, 2014
Congratulations - Your Entry has been Recommended for the Edited Guide!
Gnomon - time to move on Posted Dec 6, 2014
Congratulations - Your Entry has been Recommended for the Edited Guide!
SashaQ - happysad Posted Dec 6, 2014
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Peer Review: A87836007 - Superman's Wartime Animation
- 1: Bluebottle (Sep 4, 2014)
- 2: Gnomon - time to move on (Oct 24, 2014)
- 3: Gnomon - time to move on (Oct 25, 2014)
- 4: Bluebottle (Oct 27, 2014)
- 5: Galaxy Babe - eclectic editor (Oct 31, 2014)
- 6: SashaQ - happysad (Nov 28, 2014)
- 7: SashaQ - happysad (Nov 28, 2014)
- 8: Bluebottle (Dec 1, 2014)
- 9: SashaQ - happysad (Dec 1, 2014)
- 10: h2g2 auto-messages (Dec 5, 2014)
- 11: Bluebottle (Dec 5, 2014)
- 12: Gnomon - time to move on (Dec 6, 2014)
- 13: SashaQ - happysad (Dec 6, 2014)
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