A Conversation for Superman's Wartime Animation

Peer Review: A87836007 - Superman's Wartime Animation

Post 1

Bluebottle

Entry: Superman's Wartime Animation - A87836007
Author: Bluebottle - U43530

Here's a guilty pleasure – 1940s animation, including these Superman cartoons.

My kids love 'em too.

<BB<


A87836007 - Superman's Wartime Animation

Post 2

Gnomon - time to move on

This is pretty good, Bluebottle. It deserves a thorough going through, but a quick read only uncovered one glaring error:

"parabolic arches" should be "parabolic arcs".

I'll try and get time to look at this later.

smiley - oksmiley - booksmiley - galaxy


A87836007 - Superman's Wartime Animation

Post 3

Gnomon - time to move on

Ok. Here's a detailed analysis.

into homes of people --> into the homes of people

"Fleischer Studios were an animation team led by brothers Max and Dave Fleischer that had been animating since 1919 and had formed their own studio, Inkwell Studios after their Out of the Inkwell series in 1921, which was renamed Fleischer Studios in 1929."
This is rather awkward with "Fleischer Studios" twice and the word studio twice more. Try this:

Max and Dave Fleischer had been animating since 1919 and had formed their own studio, Inkwell Studios after their 'Out of the Inkwell' series in 1921. They renamed it Fleischer Studios in 1929.

the techniques of rotoscoping, a technique in which -->
the technique of rotoscoping, in which

which was financed by loans from Paramount -->
which was also financed by loans from Paramount

repayment for all their loans --> repayment of all their loans

" These animations were not made as cheap episodes in a children's television cartoon series" -- this doesn't sound right. I didn't think there was public tv broadcasting at that time so you may mean something different from what it sounds.

These short films were made in 1941-3, some of which contained references to America's involvement in the Second World War. -- the phrase "some of which", because of its position, refers to the years 1941-43. Reword it.

they provided all the voices --> these three provided all the voices

white-coat wearing --> white-coat-wearing

a different directors --> different directors

Superman and the Daily Planet is located --> Superman and the Daily Planet are located
"the Superman series involves episodes which reference the Second World War"
-- "involve" is an odd word here. "Reference" is not wrong but "refer to" is better. So I'd say:
episodes of the Superman series refer to the Second World War

though less extreme than --> though less extremely than

Hitler/ --> Hitler.

successfully stowaway --> successfully stow away

imprisoned inside Yokohama --> imprisoned in Yokohama

the collapse a circus Big Top -->
the collapse of a circus Big Top

It was only after [...] that the term has become
-->
It was only after [...] that the term became

smiley - oksmiley - booksmiley - galaxy


A87836007 - Superman's Wartime Animation

Post 4

Bluebottle

Thanks for the thorough review, updated nowsmiley - ok

<BB<


A87836007 - Superman's Wartime Animation

Post 5

Galaxy Babe - eclectic editor

Thanks for this <BB< and the thorough read-through Gnomonsmiley - ok

I'm happy with this and it shouldn't take much subbing, now.

GB
smiley - galaxysmiley - pumpkin


A87836007 - Superman's Wartime Animation

Post 6

SashaQ - happysad

smiley - book


A87836007 - Superman's Wartime Animation

Post 7

SashaQ - happysad

This is good, but I think it needs tweaking just a bit to make it clear what the Entry is about at the start... In particular how does "wartime" fit in?

smiley - ok


A87836007 - Superman's Wartime Animation

Post 8

Bluebottle

I've tweaked the start - what do you think?

<BB<


A87836007 - Superman's Wartime Animation

Post 9

SashaQ - happysad

smiley - ok Spot on


Congratulations - Your Entry has been Recommended for the Edited Guide!

Post 10

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Your Guide Entry has just been picked from Peer Review by one of our Scouts, and is now heading off into the Editorial Process, which ends with publication in the Edited Guide. We've moved this Review Conversation out of Peer Review and to the entry itself.

If you'd like to know what happens now, check out the page on 'What Happens after your Entry has been Recommended?' at EditedGuide-Process. We hope this explains everything.

Thanks for contributing to the Edited Guide!


Congratulations - Your Entry has been Recommended for the Edited Guide!

Post 11

Bluebottle

smiley - heroHurray!

<BB<


Congratulations - Your Entry has been Recommended for the Edited Guide!

Post 12

Gnomon - time to move on

Congratulations! smiley - bubbly


Congratulations - Your Entry has been Recommended for the Edited Guide!

Post 13

SashaQ - happysad

smiley - ok


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