h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

For those who do not know much about The Mahabharata, the below synopsis of the characters would make it easier.

The Pandava Princes -- 5 sons of Pandu, the late King of Hastinapura (Modern Delhi in India)
Yudhisthira, Bheema, Arjjuna, Nakula and Sahadeva
Kunti - 1st wife of Pandu, mother of the 1st 3 Pandavas.
Madri - 2nd wife of Pandu - mother of the remaining 2 Pandavas.
After Pandu died, Madri died too.
Dhritarashtra and Pandu were the sons of Vichitraveerya. Pandu, though the younger, was made the king as Dhritarasthra was blind.
Bheeshma was the eldest son of Shantanu and was the eldest brother of Vichitraveerya. He had taken a vow to remain a celibate throughout his life, never to become a king, and to always protect the kingdom of Hastinapura.
Pandu's elder brother Dhritarashtra became king of Hastinapura after the untimely death of Pandu. He and his wife Gandhari had 100 sons and 1 daughter. Eldest of them were Duryodhana and Duhshasana. Dhritarashtra also had another son born of a maid, called Yuyutsu. They were called the Kaurava princes.
Karna - Kunti's eldest son, born of her and Surya-deva, the Sun god, before her marriage. Only Kunti knew this secret. Karna was a valiant archer too, and he and Arjjuna, to the worst despair fo thei mother Kunti, were arch rivals.
Since, Karna was brought up by a charioteer's family; he was not given respect by the warrior class. Duryodhana grabbed this opportunity and befriended him to make him his weapon against the Pandavas. He made him the king of Anga, an eastern province.
Yudhisthira being the eldest of all the princes, was made the heir to the throne of Hastinapura. A jealous Duryodhana, with the aid of his vile maternal uncle Shakuni, attempted to kill his 5 cousins and Kunti alive in a palace made of lac in Varanavata, in the outskirts of Hastinapura. The Pandavas escaped and later got married to Draupadi, also called Panchali, the princess of Panchal. She was married to the 5 Pandavas ... Polypsony, though was not the regular practice, this was an exception.
After they came back to Hastinapura, they found Duryodhana was already made the heir after the 'demise' of Yudhishthira. The elders of the kingdom decided to put an end to this feud by bifurcating the kingdom into 2. Accordingly, Khandavaprastha was given to the Pandavas. The vile Kauravas still had no peace in mind when they found the Pandavas had built up Khandavaprastha into the most beautiful kingdom, and the capital Indraprastha (modern New Delhi) an amazing one. They called the Pandavas for a game of dice, and with Shakuni’s help once again defeated them in an unfair game and won all their wealth and kingdom in bets, lost their freedom, and had even humiliated Draupadi in front of the whole court, to the extent of even pulling him to the court by her hair and even attempting to strip her of her clothes. A furious Bheema vowed to kill both Duryodhana and Duhshasana in battle. Karna had commented, there could not be a single wife of 5 husbands, so Draupadi was just a whore. Arjjuna retaliated and swore to kill him in battle. Dhritarashtra was terrified and freed the Pandavas and gave them back whatever they had lost. Duryodhana again called them for a final game of dice. This time the stake was whoever lost would go to exile for 13 years, out of which the last year was to be in anonymity. If they were found in that year, the tenure had to be repeated. In the unfair game Shakuni played, the Pandavas lost again.
This story takes place when the Pandavas and Draupadi were in hiding in the kingdom of Matsya (modern day Jaipur in Rajasthan, a West Indian state).

uring that 1 year of anonymity, the Kauravas tried out of their skins to find out the Pandavas. They could not.
Matsya Kingdom was ruled by King Virata, the capital was Upaplavya. His brother-in-law, (Queen Sudeshna's brother) was the army chief. he was a wicked person. He had her lustful eyes on Sairandhri, Draupadi in disguise. He tried to assault her, and Bheema in the disguise of Ballava, killed him as well as his brothers. Keechaka was a valiant warrior. When the news of his death reached Duryodhana's ears, he inferred it must had been Bheema. So he planned a 2 pronged attack on Matsya.