h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: 'The Island of Doctor Moreau' - Project Page - A87806118
Author: Bluebottle - U43530

A87806118
'The Island of Doctor Moreau' - Project Page

A Uni Project about the novel by HG Wells and the three film adaptations based on it:
A87806127 'The Island of Doctor Moreau' by HG Wells
A87806136 'Island of Lost Souls' - the Film
A87806145 'The Island of Doctor Moreau' - the 1977 Film
A87806154 'The Island of Doctor Moreau' - the 1996 Film

The last entry is a Flea Market Rescue based on:
Article: A665444 The Island Of Dr. Moreau, I didn’t read that part
Author: U172238 hatameiwaku

Project Sub-editor: Gosho - U147203

<BB<

Gosho has today informed me that he's finished subbing this and it was ready to enter Peer Review!

<BB<

When he says 'finished', that's a purely relative term, you know

'Finished' meaning 'finished the preliminary subbing, not taking into account further subbing that comes to light as part of the peer review process'

<BB<

I look forward to seeing it in Peer Review.

Congratulations on an excellent and informative series. I've read some HG Wells, but this isn't one I have read, so I learned a lot.

- A87806127 'The Island of Doctor Moreau' by HG Wells

May I suggest a link to A87809584 on Atlantis? It describes the island itself more than the other Entry does.

"If marooned on one of these mythological islands, the only way to escape was to similarly embrace your inner animal while remembering your humanity." - is that "similarly", or "simultaneously"?

"This features islands where men become animals (such as dragons), mermaids, and islands populated by invisible one-legged dwarves called Dufflepuds as well as talking animals." - the word "mermaids" seems a little out of place there, somehow, as the other parts of the sentence talk about islands...

There's some extra space in Pliny around most of the quotes. The project link heading is also funny because of the new lines in the GuideML

"Yet the humans in the novel often behave like animals. Prendick was not initially the only survivor from Lady Vain– there were two others. As things become more desperate he considers cannibalism, and laughs when they kill each other." - I had to read this sentence a couple of times to work out that Prendick laughs when his two fellow survivors kill each other.

"1928 satirical novelz, Mr Blettsworthy on Rampole Island" - rogue z!

Excellent I'll look at the next Entry in detail soon.

- A87806136 'Island of Lost Souls' - the Film

A few typos I spotted: "In 1955 directed The Night of the Hunter" - he directed, and "In Britain not only was the film banned on released in 1933," - release, and "In Island of Lost Souls, two new principle characters" - principal, and " Parker's finacée Ruth Thomas" - fiancee

In the Dracula section, I'm not sure about what the word "subhuman" is saying...

Just shows how film classifications have changed over the years, that it went from X to PG

- A87806145 'The Island of Doctor Moreau' - the 1977 Film

- A87806154 'The Island of Doctor Moreau' - the 1996 Film

What a film this one is

"Brando began performing wearing a layer of bright white powder for no apparent reason" - where was the powder? on his face?

'Judge not yet ye be judged' - should that be 'Judge not lest ye be judged'?

In the Legacy section "with, Majai" - the comma isn't needed there.

Excellent

Hi Bluebottle. This is an interesting series of entries, about a book which I'd heard the name of, but have never read.

The following comment is for people other than Bluebottle reading this Peer Review thread:

Normally in Peer Review, we make suggestions about the content of the entry, rather than simply pointing out spelling and grammar mistakes. This is because after the entry leaves Peer Review it is passed to a sub-editor, who is expected to sort the grammar and spelling mistakes out themselves. In the case of a University Project, on the other hand, the sub-editor has already been through the entries tidying them up, so nothing further will be done to them unless we suggest changes. As a result, I'm going to be ruthless in my criticism here - this level of pernickitiness would not be appropriate for a normal non-project entry.



A87806127 The Island of Doctor Moreau by HG Wells

The first sentence is a bit of a disaster:

"The Island of Doctor Moreau is the second of HG Wells' 'scientific romance' novels, one of his most famous books which have led to his frequently being called 'the father of science-fiction'."

You're mixing up two things here - the book is one of Wells's most famous books, and it is one of a series. I suggest:

"The Island of Doctor Moreau is one of the most famous books by HG Wells. It is the second of his 'scientific romance' novels, which have led to his frequently being called 'the father of science-fiction'."

I'm not sure if it is worth listing all the science fiction books of HG Wells at the start of this entry. This is after all only about one of those books.

Instead you could tell us things about the book itself, such as when it was published.

"revealing that Moreau and Montgomery too are men, not gods." -- you suggest that this results in something happening, and later talk about Moreau being punished for his sacrilege. You've told us most of the plot; why not tell us all of it?

"mankind attempted to recreate that by making animals evolve into men, while at the same time resorting to animal barbarity"-- I don't understand this. Are you saying that the animals are turned into men but continue to exhibit animal barbarity, or are you saying that mankind resorts to animal barbarity in order to turn the animals into men?

The phrase Western World is normally capitalised when it refers to the society we live in.

in tune to nature --> in tune with nature

Shakespeare's The Tempest features Caliban. -- I think you should say a little more about Caliban, for those who haven't read The Tempest. Perhaps say "features the beast-like Caliban".

Voyage of the Dawn Treader --> The Voyage of the Dawn Treader

"The Island of Doctor Moreau plays on the same theme, enormously popular at the time, of ordinary men and women transformed into monsters and beasts by, misleading the audience into believing that Prendick is in danger of being transformed into a beast, complete with an attempt to escape." -- the word "by" in this seems to be in there by accident. It makes more sense if it is omitted. But there is an irritating repetition of the phrase "transformed into a beast" which should be eliminated by rewording. I'd say:

"The Island of Doctor Moreau plays on the same theme, enormously popular at the time, of ordinary men and women transformed into monsters and beasts. It misleads the audience into believing that Prendick will share this fate, even to the extent of featuring an attempt to escape."

since The National Anti-Vivisection League had been founded -- you should not capitalise the word "the" in this case, even though it is part of the title of the League.

"The British Union for the Abolition of Vivisection was founded in 1898, a splinter-movement from the National Anti-Vivisection League, which was calling for vivisection to be regulated, while the British Union for the Abolition of Vivisection wanted vivisection abolished." -- this could be reworded to be shorter and with far less repetition.

more than a mere vivisectionist; If cosmetic surgery -- after a semicolon, the next word does not get a capital letter.

in Chapter 7 of his novel When the Sleeper Wakes, republished in 1911 as The Sleeper Awakes. -- too much detail. This isn't an entry about The Sleeper Awakes. Just say "in Chapter 7 of his novel When the Sleeper Wakes." If you really feel the extra information is worthwhile, put it in a footnote.

for eating the apple from the tree of knowledge -- if you want to be really particular, it should be: for eating the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil.

10 months --> ten months

that he has learned by rote; the creed and code of Moreau's law -- that semicolon should be a colon, because it introduces a part of sentence.

satirical novelz - a stray 'z' there.

published Brave New World in 1932 which includes -- this is badly structured, as the phrase "which includes" does not describe the thing which comes just before it, which in this case is "in 1932". You should move "in 1932" to the start of the sentence to avoid this clumsy construction.

as a consequence for misdemeanours --> as a consequence of misdemeanours

over fifty years after first publication --> over 50 years after first publication

The Table of characters is confusing because of Pliny's inability to draw lines around tables (which has been on the bug list since early 2013). Would you consider adding the lines using the technique of background colouring that I've developed? It's crude but it works.

Hello

As this is a project, I've lost Editing control to the sub-editor, Gosho.

I'll mention the suggestions made up to now on an article-by-article basis.

A87806127 'The Island of Doctor Moreau' by HG Wells

Re Post 6: SashaQ

May I suggest a link to A87809584 on Atlantis?
I'm happy for this link to be included.

"to similarly embrace your inner animal while remembering your humanity." - is that "similarly", or "simultaneously"?
I had intended similarly (as the approach would be similar to the half-human, half-animal examples mentioned), but simultaneously works too.

"This features islands where men become animals (such as dragons), mermaids, and islands populated by invisible one-legged dwarves called Dufflepuds as well as talking animals." - the word "mermaids" seems a little out of place there, somehow...
I've double checked, and apparently their official name is 'sea people'. We could replace it, or delete it altogether, but mermaids are fictional half-human, half-animal creatures that are often encountered around mythical islands, so if they are deleted from the CS Lewis bit they can be added to the Greek myths bit.

There's some extra space in Pliny around most of the quotes. The project link heading is also funny because of the new lines in the GuideML
Does Gnomon, who knows more about GuideML and Pliny then I, have any suggestions?

"Yet the humans in the novel often behave like animals. Prendick was not initially the only survivor from Lady Vain– there were two others. As things become more desperate he considers cannibalism, and laughs when they kill each other." - I had to read this sentence a couple of times to work out that Prendick laughs when his two fellow survivors kill each other.
We can change the last sentence to 'As things become more desperate he even considers cannibalism. When the other survivors kill each other, he laughs.'

"1928 satirical novelz, Mr Blettsworthy on Rampole Island" - rogue z!
Well spotted!

Re Post 10: Gnomon

The first sentence is a bit of a disaster: You're mixing up two things here - the book is one of Wells's most famous books, and it is one of a series. I suggest: "The Island of Doctor Moreau is one of the most famous books by HG Wells. It is the second of his 'scientific romance' novels, which have led to his frequently being called 'the father of science-fiction'."
Definitely an improvement, but see:

I'm not sure if it is worth listing all the science fiction books of HG Wells at the start of this entry. This is after all only about one of those books. Instead you could tell us things about the book itself, such as when it was published.
I would like to keep the list in the article to keep the book in context, but we can change the opening sentence to "The Island of Doctor Moreau is one of the most famous books by HG Wells. First published in 1896, it is the second of his 'scientific romance' novels, which have led to his frequently being called 'the father of science-fiction'."
I think we should move the list of the scientific romances to the Wells and the Cinema section.
We can then delete the ' His later novels, many of which contained predictions about the future, were increasingly written to contain social and political messages, although these aims were also present in his earlier works.' sentence. This should make the introduction strongly about this book, and keep the information in a more relevant location.
"revealing that Moreau and Montgomery too are men, not gods." -- you suggest that this results in something happening, and later talk about Moreau being punished for his sacrilege. You've told us most of the plot; why not tell us all of it?
It's difficult finding a balance between describing the novel, but not wanting to spoil the story. We could add the sentence 'Soon Moreau is dead and his creations are in revolt' but that reveals quite an important plot twist.

"mankind attempted to recreate that by making animals evolve into men, while at the same time resorting to animal barbarity"-- I don't understand this. Are you saying that the animals are turned into men but continue to exhibit animal barbarity, or are you saying that mankind resorts to animal barbarity in order to turn the animals into men?
Well, both. We could change to:
'As Huxley had argued that humans evolved from animals, Wells asked what if mankind resorted to animal barbarity in order to force animals to evolve into men?'

The phrase Western World is normally capitalised when it refers to the society we live in.

in tune to nature --> in tune with nature

Shakespeare's The Tempest features Caliban. -- I think you should ... Perhaps say "features the beast-like Caliban". Agreed

Voyage of the Dawn Treader --> The Voyage of the Dawn Treader

"The Island of Doctor Moreau plays on the same theme, enormously popular at the time, of ordinary men and women transformed into monsters and beasts by, misleading the audience into believing that Prendick is in danger of being transformed into a beast, complete with an attempt to escape." -I'd say:
"The Island of Doctor Moreau plays on the same theme, enormously popular at the time, of ordinary men and women transformed into monsters and beasts. It misleads the audience into believing that Prendick will share this fate, even to the extent of featuring an attempt to escape."
Agreed!

since The National Anti-Vivisection League had been founded -- you should not capitalise the word "the" in this case, even though it is part of the title of the League.

"The British Union for the Abolition of Vivisection was founded in 1898, a splinter-movement from the National Anti-Vivisection League, which was calling for vivisection to be regulated, while the British Union for the Abolition of Vivisection wanted vivisection abolished." -- this could be reworded to be shorter and with far less repetition.
Change to: The British Union for the Abolition of Vivisection was founded in 1898 with the aim of abolishing vivisection, while the existing National Anti-Vivisection League continued calling for vivisection to be regulated.

more than a mere vivisectionist; If cosmetic surgery -- after a semicolon, the next word does not get a capital letter.

in Chapter 7 of his novel When the Sleeper Wakes, republished in 1911 as The Sleeper Awakes. -- too much detail. This isn't an entry about The Sleeper Awakes. Just say "in Chapter 7 of his novel When the Sleeper Wakes." If you really feel the extra information is worthwhile, put it in a footnote.
'When the Sleeper Wakes' is also known as 'The Sleeper Awakes', both titles are commonly used. So I think it is best to add 'republished in 1911 as The Sleeper Awakes' as a footnote so that people who know the story only by its second name know what we are referring to.

for eating the apple from the tree of knowledge -- if you want to be really particular, it should be: for eating the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil.
Yep, let's be particular and amend that.

10 months --> ten months

that he has learned by rote; the creed and code of Moreau's law -- that semicolon should be a colon, because it introduces a part of sentence.

satirical novelz - a stray 'z' there.

published Brave New World in 1932 which includes -- this is badly structured, as the phrase "which includes" does not describe the thing which comes just before it, which in this case is "in 1932". You should move "in 1932" to the start of the sentence to avoid this clumsy construction.
Agreed
as a consequence for misdemeanours --> as a consequence of misdemeanours

over fifty years after first publication --> over 50 years after first publication

The Table of characters is confusing because of Pliny's inability to draw lines around tables (which has been on the bug list since early 2013). Would you consider adding the lines using the technique of background colouring that I've developed? It's crude but it works.
I certainly would, and if it is approved GuideML I'm happy to use it in my other entries too – can you show me an example of how to apply it? I've looked through a good dozen 'Gnomon Test' articles but not found it yet?

I think that's all for the first article – I'm happy for all the suggested changes to be applied so far, nothing I'd disagree with.

<BB<

I can see the problem with some of your quotes. I'm going to use curly brackets here so that it will display properly in Pliny conversations, but I mean the normal angle brackets.

You have:

{P}Some text

{BLOCKQUOTE}The quote{/BLOCKQUOTE}

more text.{/P}

You must remember that the BLOCKQUOTE is a paragraph tag itself, just one that indents the text. You've put one paragraph instruction inside another, and Pliny doesn't interpret it the way you expect. To get around this, keep the paragraphs separate:

{P}Some text{/P}

{BLOCKQUOTE}The quote{/BLOCKQUOTE}

{P}more text.{/P}

I haven't time at the moment to dig out the instructions for simulating table borders using background colours. As a guide editor, you should perhaps discuss with Pastey whether there's a fix coming soon for the table border problem, as it would be better to do it the official way.

Entry A87806136 - The Island of Lost Souls

Interesting entry, BB.

This sentence is too long. It should be restructured to be simpler:

"As Paramount's adaptation of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde had been a success, the similarly themed novel The Island of Doctor Moreau, which dealt with the duality of man and which had been written at the same time as many of the other successful gothic novels that had been successfully adapted, seemed ideal."

In this section, you explain about the animals not being native but brought to the island twice in only three sentences:

" Ironically, none of Moreau's manimals are native to the island; it is implied that they had all been brought to the island in cages and created in the lab. Yet his description of them as 'natives' satisfies the curiosity of Ruth and Captain Donahue. That none of Moreau's animals are native to Moreau's island but were brought there in captivity against their will emphasises their slave nature."

You should reword this to remove the repetition.


principle characters --> principal characters

I'm puzzled by your section "Who are the 'Lost Souls' of the title?" I always thought a lost soul was a phrase meaning a person who has lost their way, not someone who has lost their soul. What do other people think?

It seems to me that The Island of Lost Souls was a major inspiration for the film Blade Runner - Harrison Ford pursues four artificially created humans, blowing them away without any compunction because they are not human. Meanwhile he is introduced by their creator, Dr Tyrell, to a beautiful young woman. What do you think? Is this worth mentioning or just too much detail?

The song lyrics at the end are badly spaced in Pliny. I don't fully understand the way that carriage returns are handled in the new Pliny, but I believe that the spacing will be OK once the entry is promoted to Edited.

- A87806145 - the 1977 Film

Soon after he sees M'Ling in shackles -- you need to put a comma after "after". Otherwise the reader is left wondering what
happened soon after he sees M'Ling in shackles.

If Bluebottle is unable to edit these entries, presumably it's up to me to make the changes suggested and agreed to here?

A87806154 - the 1996 Film

a bonny, bouncing Beast Baby -- should that be Beastbaby?

"Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark" -- the title of the film was actually just "Raiders of the Lost Ark".

Thanks Gnomon – I'm sure we'll get those Blockquotes sorted out!
And yes, Gosho, sorry - it is up to you now, but hopefully my answering things on an article-by-article basis makes it easy to follow. I'll address the last 2 articles tomorrow as I've got to rush back now.

Just to let you know, when I've put a '' after the suggestion, it means that I'm happy for the suggested amendment to be made.

A87806136 'Island of Lost Souls' - the Film

Re Post 7 - SashaQ


A few typos I spotted: "In 1955 directed The Night of the Hunter" - he directed
"In Britain not only was the film banned on released in 1933," – release
"In Island of Lost Souls, two new principle characters" – principal
" Parker's finacée Ruth Thomas" – fianc&eacute;e

In the Dracula section, I'm not sure about what the word "subhuman" is saying...
Basically both a beastman and a vampire are less than human; despite being human-shaped, they are fundamentally soulless. We could change this to be 'inhuman, soulless creatures. Not only was the Sayer of the Law an animal, Dracula too is a beast, which we see through his transformation into a bat'?.


Re Post 13 - Gnomon

This sentence is too long. It should be restructured to be simpler:
"As Paramount's adaptation of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde had been a success, the similarly themed novel The Island of Doctor Moreau, which dealt with the duality of man and which had been written at the same time as many of the other successful gothic novels that had been successfully adapted, seemed ideal."
"As Paramount's Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde had been successful, they were keen to adapt The Island of Doctor Moreau, a novel written at the same time with many of the same themes."

In this section, you explain about the animals not being native but brought to the island twice in only three sentences:
" Ironically, none of Moreau's manimals are native to the island; it is implied that they had all been brought to the island in cages and created in the lab. Yet his description of them as 'natives' satisfies the curiosity of Ruth and Captain Donahue. That none of Moreau's animals are native to Moreau's island but were brought there in captivity against their will emphasises their slave nature."
You should reword this to remove the repetition.

" Ironically, none of Moreau's manimals are native to the island; it is implied that they had all been brought to the island captive in cages and created in the lab, emphasising their slave nature. Yet his description of them as 'natives' satisfies the curiosity of Ruth and Captain Donahue."

I'm puzzled by your section "Who are the 'Lost Souls' of the title?" I always thought a lost soul was a phrase meaning a person who has lost their way, not someone who has lost their soul. What do other people think?
I await further comment and will react to the overall consensus.

It seems to me that The Island of Lost Souls was a major inspiration for the film Blade Runner - Harrison Ford pursues four artificially created humans, blowing them away without any compunction because they are not human. Meanwhile he is introduced by their creator, Dr Tyrell, to a beautiful young woman. What do you think? Is this worth mentioning or just too much detail?
I hadn't thought about that, but now that you've mentioned it, it certainly is something that can be added to the 'Legacy' section.

The song lyrics at the end are badly spaced in Pliny. I don't fully understand the way that carriage returns are handled in the new Pliny, but I believe that the spacing will be OK once the entry is promoted to Edited.
I look forward to that!

<BB<

A87806145 - the 1977 Film

Re Post 14 - Gnomon

Soon after he sees M'Ling in shackles - put a comma after "after"

Short and sweet!

<BB<

A87806154 'The Island of Doctor Moreau' - the 1996 Film

Re: Post 9 – SashaQ

Have you seen this film, SashaQ? It's so bad it's, well, unbelievably bad. But strangely entertaining.

"Brando began performing wearing a layer of bright white powder for no apparent reason" - where was the powder? on his face?
All over his visible skin, including his face.

'Judge not yet ye be judged' - should that be 'Judge not lest ye be judged'?
Yep, it should. That should be changed.

In the Legacy section "with, Majai" - the comma isn't needed there.

Re: Post 16 – Gnomon

a bonny, bouncing Beast Baby -- should that be Beastbaby?
I'm happy for that to be amended to Beastbaby>

"Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark" should be "Raiders of the Lost Ark".

Thanks to you both for going through these 4 articles with a very fine tooth comb, it's definitely appreciated!

<BB<

A pleasure

No, I haven't seen any of the films or read the book, but the 1996 film does sound strangely entertaining...