h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I have never met a badger, because I live in North America. As Elektra says, we are 'badgerless'.

We were wondering if your excellent advice could be applied to ground hogs and/or raccoons as dinner guests.

Hello Dmitri!

A badgerless dining room is, alas, one of the problems Americans must contend with. But as you surmised, the racoon is an eminently suitable replacement!

Their skeleton is better adapted to sitting up straight at the dinner table, which adds a civilised air to proceedings.

If you can, wear a little robber's eye-mask to make your guest feel among friends.

Be circumspect about choice of music! Avoid that catchy tune about the "King Of The Wild Frontier" - as in racoon culture, Davy Crockett occupies a place somewhere between Jack the Ripper and Freddie Krueger - worse, even, as these two didn't insist on wearing their victims' bottoms on their heads!

But they quite like the music from Showboat. By the time it comes to Old Man River, they'll be singing with gusto!

Thank you for the delightful suggestions for our next dinner party.

Hello Auntie Winnie

Thank you for your advice and guidance

I would love it if a came to tea. I have offered an open invitation but they haven't taken me up on it yet.

I now realise that the casual approach is possibly the wrong one, should I go down the route of offering formal invitations?

Oh, how disappointing!

Don't give up hope, because as it says in Matthew's gospel, you never know the hour! I think Matthew might have been talking about something else, though, I'm not sure...

Er may I direct your attentions to:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taxidea

There is hope for us all then

Any special advice should a honey badger come round?

I was going for eggs a starter, and honey for afters, any suggestions for a main?

I think I'll probably keep the fruit out the way,just in case a honey isn't a happy drunk

Why thank you Willem, I must confess that my knowledge of wildlife stops at anything west of Wessex! But it is always nice to learn new things.