There once was a man named Dr Seuss,

Who subjected hat-wearers to lots of abuse.

He wrote about cats who sported chapeaux,

And Bartholomew Cubbins, who had hundreds of those.

What's sauce for the Seuss can be sauce for Gheorgheni,

I've nothing in mind, and the weather is rainy.

I'll rhyme you on hats, and I'll illustrate long dress

Styles of the past from the Lib'ry of Congress.¹

In old New York City, along Bleeker Street,

This kid carries hats – does he hear the far beat

Of the folk crowd who someday will shuffle their feet

Down the very same stones? Wouldn't that be a treat?

Back in 'The Day', you know, hats were a deal,

They sold them by thousands. Straw boaters a steal

At ten cents a pop, and to make your hat grand

You'd spend five more cents for a fancy hatband.

Even in far-away Old Mexico,

Outside without topper no fellow would go.

In Mexico City's grand market, they'd say

'A sombrero for just 50 pesos, olé!'

Hey, lady, on top of your head, what is that?

A whole aviary is perched on your hat.

No wonder that George Bernard Shaw would complain

When he went to the theatre, all he saw was grosgrain.

Wearing a hat was competitive fun,

'Mine's bigger than yours, and it keeps off the sun.'

'Take that – my headgear's a bit hard to doff,

I need a whole runway for it to take off.'

'My hat is a doozy, I wear it when shy,

I give you a glare through the hole for my eye.

In this form of headwear, my taste is displayed,

The best thing – it's also a dandy lampshade!'

'Mine's even better. I'm wearing a fish,

I've always loved nature, and I've got my wish,

The rotogravure praised the chic I've created,

And my hat has been featured in Sports Illustrated!'

From uptown to downtown, the heads were all covered.

In vain dirty pigeons o'er citizens hovered.

On men, women, and children the sporty things sat,

Why, even the horses were wearing a hat!