h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I hadn't heard of him before, either. I just looked him up on imdb and I haven't seen a single film listed there he starred in.

Auughh. This is like Invasion of the Body Snatchers (possibly Invasion of the Baldy Snatchers in this case). How can people live like this?

Okay, okay: for just a taste of Mr Statham's magic touch allow me to direct you to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Ea5BVdCoUk. Other stuff is available but I really don't want to spoil the full movie for you too much.

Such choreography. Words fail me.

It would be better with Dutch subtitles, though.

Wow, that was impressive! To be sure. Did he put out any exercise or How to kick backside type videos?

Not sure if the 'Kicking Botty the Statham Way' DVD is available yet, but I can direct you to:

http://www.jasonstathamworkoutz.com/

Don't think this is officially endorsed by the great man, though.

I have only one question:

'Jason Statham vs Chuck Norris?'

Normally I would give my stock answer of 'depends who's top billed'...

...but, excitingly, there's the prospect of an actual answer as Mr Statham and Norris are appearing together in (oh God not another one) The Expendables 2 (along with Stallone, Schwarzenegger, Dolph Lundgren, Jet Li, Van Damme, Bruce Willis, and a bunch of ex-wrestlers). I expect Norris will be another Expendable, putting him on the same side as Mr S, but there's always the prospect of him being one of the opposition which leaves the possibility of the two of them taking each other on.

(That said, the first film was disappointingly low on that sort of thing, except for the Li-Lundgren fight. Hopefully the new one is a bit more of a zany crowd-pleaser.)

Zany crowd-pleaser. Yeah. I can see that.

It's obviously their best option: I think it could struggle for gravitas featuring that particular crowd (luckily Steven Seagal has a long-standing beef with one of the producers so declined to participate, but even so...).

I'd like to see that lot tackle Shakespeare. Especially Stallone.

You know, I had a look through Stallone's filmography to see if he and the Bard had previous (averting my eyes from the big-screen Judge Dredd as is only decent) and saw he's doing a movie called The Tomb for release next year. The capsule synopsis for The Tomb contains the following sentence:

'Church (Schwarzenegger) is a wise, soulful and complex inmate of [Stallone] who helps him in his escape.'

Verily, the mind doth boggle. Clearly all those years governating have broadened the big fella's range a tad...