h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: 'The Who - Live At The Isle of Wight Festival 1970' - The Album - A87740797
Author: Bluebottle - U43530

An article about one of Britain's greatest bands' greatest performances and the subsequent album with a very long name.

Is this really only the second attempt to write an article about The Who (after A29242398, currently in the Flea Market)?

<BB<

Another welcome BlueBottle.

I guess that those who saw the Who live suffer from the cliche of not remembering the 70s. However, I did see the Who smash up their instruments, that bit is firmly stuck in my memory.

Ah, I suddenly feel like a trip to the music store

Not many comments, except that I found the introduction not that convincing:

The first sentence ("The Who, one of the greatest British bands of all time.... peak of their career") doesn't quite flow that well, in my view (I had to restart it midway through). Would you mind rephrasing it a little? It wouldn't matter if it wasn't the first sentence, really!

And the second paragraph ("The Who Live at the Isle of Wight Festival... greatest live appearance.") seems to say the same things several times. Could it be streamslined somewhat?

Ah, and the poor lead singer is spelled once 'Dawltrey', once 'Daltry'. I believe the correct spelling lies somewhere in between

Hello Toybox and Lanzababy, thanks for your comments.

The first sentence ("The Who, one of the greatest British bands of all time.... peak of their career") doesn't quite flow that well, in my view
I've rephrased it a little. I may have a think about how to improve it a bit more.

And the second paragraph ("The Who Live at the Isle of Wight Festival... greatest live appearance.") seems to say the same things several times. Could it be streamlined somewhat?
I've streamlined it and cut it down now.

Ah, and the poor lead singer is spelled once 'Dawltrey', once 'Daltry'. I believe the correct spelling lies somewhere in between
Corrected!

Thanks again

<BB<

Better now, thanks

Hi <BB<. I feel the need to make the same comment that I've made previously to another of your Entries, that is repetition of a word or phrase, in this instance 'The Who'. In the first two paragraphs, The Who appears six times.

Could I suggest you read through the Entry (perhaps aloud) and see if that repetition doesn't nag a bit. As an example, I would suggest rewording those first two paragraphs something like this:

<>

h5ringer

The number of The Who's cut from 56 to 26.

<BB<

Much better <BB<

typos:
rock'n'roll routes >> rock'n'roll roots
<> remove the second *also*

Corrected

<BB<

Some minor changes made.

Any other comments?

<BB<

Nice to see a bit more Who in the guide

Only one comment:



I think I'd stretch this period to 1971, to include their Who's Next album. (This gig is then slap bang in the middle)

Icy

I'd hate to think that people thought I was dismissing 'Who's Next' – 'Behind Blue Eyes' and 'Won't Get Fooled Again' are classic. So changed!

<BB<

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Woo Who!

<BB<