The world is a global small town now, thanks in part to the computer. Let's figure out ...

Note the following facts:

• A Researcher didn't like it because her Kindle delivered text with US spelling and usage.
• Our Foundation wants to help people around the world to learn to read and write.
• There are at least 6,000 languages in the world. Many of them are dying out.
• There are an estimated 12 fluent Klingon speakers on Earth, even though the Klingons have yet to establish an embassy.
• The Esperanto word for 'cat' is 'kato'. The Volapük word for 'succeed' is 'plöplön'.

I threw in that last comment because a linguist I know was unhappy about Esperanto. He found it silly and Eurocentric. Volapük was invented by a Bavarian – need I say more? I merely wanted to show two things:

1. We need a way to talk to each other.
2. Everybody wants in on the act.

Which leads us to...

Why English? English speakers had the biggest guns and the fastest trade ships.

Dutch is a language with a rich writing and culture. Platt is a dialect spoken by backward fishermen. English, in its official British and North American forms, is an elegant means of communication. Lallands, Appalachian dialect, and Geordie, for example, are amusing sets of noises made by the Unwashed Masses.

If we all need to speak to one another, what language do we use? 'Why, the one I speak best, of course.' Of course.

See the header.

It depends on who you're talking to – and in what language, of course.

There are these people, who want to sell you a book. Here, Jean Paul Nerriere suggests that it's all a matter of vocabulary control. Learn to use 1500 words correctly, and bob's your uncle. I tend to agree. You can do a lot with a little. Besides, people have been fussing at me for using words nobody in their right mind knew, ever since I was a kid. I really should learn to cut it out.

Nerriere doesn't have the market cornered on Globish, however. In this review of Robert McCrum's Globish, Isaac Chotiner agrees with McCrum that it doesn't matter what you call it, we're looking at a way to spread English. He also notes: 'Armies and navies are ultimately more important than syntactic mechanics in establishing a language’s dissemination.' Er, I said that already – only in shorter words. Maybe I'm learning Globish.

Whatever we call it, we still want to communicate. Which leads me to...

1. Become more broad-minded. This is necessary because I almost wrote 'Simplify English spelling.' Before I realised that this would cause bloodshed. So do the next best thing: Stop fussing so much. Would it kill you if there were a 'z' in 'realise'? Or if you knew I pronounced it 'zee' rather than 'zed'? Yep, it would. Next suggestion.
2. Exercise vocabulary control. Force all UN delegates to deliver their speeches in Lolcats. The combination of endearing cuteness and low humour should strike the right international chord.
3. Learn to listen. People will be willing to learn your language just to talk to you. The thing is, you have to show interest. If you spend all your time insisting that it's boring if it doesn't happen in your village/town/country, not only do you miss out, but there's no reason for anyone outside your in-group to want to know you. Boredom is the most unattractive quality of all.

I don't know. You tell me. Make a thread. I suggest below.

Oh – I submitted this text to analysis on the Globish page, and rewrote some of it accordingly. This text is almost 'Globish compatible'. It didn't like the word 'dialect', or most of Isaac Chotiner's quote, and I suspect – just suspect, mind you – that the darn parser is using American spelling.

This is an outrage, of course.

Dmitri Gheorgheni

21.11.11 Front Page

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