Background

This is the story of my continual struggle since puberty with my weight, self-image, and obsession with food. Ever since I can remember being self-aware of myself in the context of society and other people's opinions of me, I have always had a nagging sense that I was always larger, less attractive and somehow by inference, less worthy than those who were thin and popular. Looking back now at my largest, I can see as a pre-pubescent child, and to some degree even as an adolescent, I really had not much to worry about in this area. I was well-padded, yes (thanks to an early development), but an attractive, healthy child.

As I hit my early 20s, and was attending uni while living away from home, I actually became the nightmare I had always imagined myself to be - I became truly fat! Well, eating Pizza Hut each night and making my mother's patented cheesecake ensured this!

Ever since then, my entire 20s have been a series of yo-yo diets, with all their repercussions. Now, on the cusp of 30, I realise I have to beat this demon once and for all. Not only for myself, but for the sake of my future children, who I want to be able to run around after. While I am not morbidly obese, if I fell pregnant now, I know I could easily balloon out of all proportion, and would probably never recover. So, with the wonderful support and encouragement from my husband, I have embarked on what is truly the LAST time I go down this path!

I was going to post a picture of me, one of those "before" and "after" motifs, but I can't post my own pictures here. So instead, I will put a picture of me from last year at an H2G meet up. I think I was around 95kg at the time, so slightly less than my current starting point.

In the meantime, I have posted a few links from h2g2 that are related to Weight Loss here, for easy reach and inspiration for myself!

Kelli's Diets is a brilliant entry written by Kelli (of course!). I read her page, then cheekily came straight back here to emulate her as much as possible (I'm hoping to do this weight-wise too...)

H2G2 Weight Losers is a forum we "losers" congregate around. Even though it's a little deserted at the moment, if you feel like a bit of encouragement or a pat on the back, why not join us and post here?

DIET is a Four Letter Word is a fantastic article written by Conceited Little Megapuppy.

How to Change the Shape of Your Body and Slimming Pills - A Shortcut? are good articles as well.

Why Do I Mean Business This Time?

A good friend from uni, who has been privy to most of my previous weight-loss efforts, asked me the other day "Tash, you have done this so many times before. What makes you so sure this will be the last time?" An excellent question if ever there was one!. Well, people, the following reasons are why this is the very last time I conquer this once and for all:

• I know this time no-one else is responsible for my success or failure. In the past I have used support groups as crutches, thinking that the mere act of belonging to them will shield me from failure. Well, that doesn't work. I know any success or any failure is directly "owned" by me. This time I am ready to face that responsibility.

• I have got concrete goals, broken down into manageable chunks. These goals are in my face each day, which helps keep my eye on the end-result. They are also realistic, I think. 40 kilos, over the space of a year or even one and a half years, is very achievable.

• These goals have been written down, made public, and I am therefore accountable for doing them. As I am really a very driven person when my successes are public (exam marks, promotions, deadlines) I figure making this struggle public will mean I will be driven to achieve them

• Finally, I am soooo sick of my weight and size being an issue for me, not being able to wear lovely, feminine clothes, being restricted in my fashion choices, that I am determined to put this behind me so I can just get on with living my life to the fullest. This includes being able to have children comfortably and not worrying about not being able to run after them post-pregnancy when I look like the side of a house! I am just really fed up with my situation, and want to put it behind me forever.

So. wish me luck, because this time next year, I will be a new me!