h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: destination Cuba my travels - A853436
Author: Owlatron leader of the league of thundercats!!(16 members) member of friends of LD usersShepherd of all things unconnected - U197864

Cuba a country not to missed as with all countries they have problems but this is just my story of my visit AUG 2001!!

Great idea for an entry, except for one thing -

13. Write in the Third Person

Because h2g2 is a collaborative guide, we may add in comments and material from other Researchers, and we'll credit them. Having an entry in the first person wouldn't make sense with a number of authors credited, so please write in the third person.

You'll find that, along with much more good stuff which you need to take in before submitting an entry to Peer Review, here Writing-Guidelines

i am a little bit lost with the third person thing as this is my very first entry !!




andy

if you have a look at the Writing-Guidelines as Gosho suggests, you'll get a good idea of what is required.

It would also help if you put some capital letters in, broke up the big paragraphs and put some headers in to guide the reader. As it stands it is fairly unapproachable, and I looked at it and thought , so I only skimmed it. Imagine someone else had written it. How would you feel reading it.

Stick with it, Owlatron. Everyone had to start somewhere. You could get on the Front Page with a little help from the peer reviewers.

i have tinkered with it a little now



andy

The layout is much improved, Owlatron!

Much of it is still in the first person, though and this needs to be addressed. 'I' and 'my'. Have another go. If you really need to you can say 'This Researcher", however, be sparing with it!

Off for a week now, I'll no doubt catch up on my return!

It does look better Owlatron, but unfortunately you'll have to take out the pictures. They're not allowed in edited entries unless put in by the Editors

The name of the entry will also have to be changed to something like 'Travel tips when visiting Cuba'.

I think this could be a very useful entry

thankyou for the tips i have updated them and removed the pictures . i wasnt aware about the picture thing


andy

Hi, nice topic. I like where this one is going.

I'd like to reiterate the comments made above:

a) The title still needs changing
b) First person bits - all of them - must be corrected (this includes passages with 1st person pronouns like me, my or mine)

Take care of that and you're a lot closer to the goal.

HELL

What they mean about 1st person is, e.g., change

"My first impressions of Cuba are a green and barren land as you slowly descend into the airport outside varrederro"

to

"The first impressions of Cuba are of a green and barren land as the aeroplane descends into the airport outside Varrederro"

Isn't it spellt Varadero BTW?

HELL

i think it is varaderro !!

btw thanks for the advice i hav enow updated with

the aeroplane descsends into the airport!!

andy

Well, I don't want to be too annoying, but there's still a lot of 1st person stuff to get rid of:

"My first impressions of Cuba [...]"

"I will be asked if a stamp from the USA is on my passport [...]"

"[...]Finally its my turn and i anxiously wait as the guard looks at me[...]"

"[...]yet my bag is opened and the[...]"

"[...]my holiday is now starting as i travel along i can see[...]"

Well, just nitpicking...

HELL

what do you think i shoud put in each instance!!


andy

Hey Owaltron, I will not re-write the whole Entry for you .

You just need to reformulate these (which are just *some* examples) sentences so that the first person is avoided, like for example:

1st: 'My first impression was that...'
non-1st: 'The fist impression one might get is that...'

OR:

1st: 'My passport was controlled by...'
non-1st: 'Usually the passports are controlled by...'

...and so forth.

Bye,

HELL

will have look at it later thanks for the tips anyway

andy

Hey Owlatron -- Still planning on working on these?


Mikey

i thought i had!!!!

Well, if you did, it's still full of typos.

Varadero and Caribbean, for example, are the right versions.

The TITLE is in 1st person, maybe you should change this.

Hmm...

HELL

i will change them sorry