Creative Science: Science, as you like it

What is Creative Science?

Very simple.

Forget anything you've ever known about science. Chances are, it's right, which means it has no place here. Science is all about what is right; creative science is concerned with something far more important: what is convenient.

For example: wouldn't it be great if tachyons were just gluons which hadn't got time to dry? Isn't fuzzy logic what you get when you put boolean logic in the tumbledrier for too long? And isn't it obvious that computers only crash to annoy us?

The simple answer is: Yes! This is precisely how things are, it's just that science is too limited to accept it. However, science isn't the only club on the scene; creative science is here to help. With creative science, we make the world go round - but only when we want it to.

Wow, That Sounds Like Fun.

It sure is.

But Can You Give Me Some Examples of Creative Science in the 'Reel Wirld'?

You bet we can.

So, Will You Give Me Some Examples?

Oh, you /want/ some examples! Why didn't you just say so? You see, that was a perfect example of the rigourous and precise nature of creative science, which answers the question and only the question.

So Answer The Question

Oh! Well, um... ...

Just kidding. Actually, there are tons of examples of creative science. Here's a few: -

• Creationism: that's creation science, not creative science, but it's an example of creative science. It helps explain the origins of the Earth by taking the Bible literally, effectively giving those smug evolutionists the finger.
  
• Centrifugal Force: isn't it annoying, the way that scientists deny the existance of a nice, useful force? It can't be just something imaginary - it's so useful! And so, creative science permits its use by all and sundry, saving countless A-Level Physics students from a centripetal hell.
  
• Coriolis force: we said that the world doesn't have to move if you don't want it to. Well, duh! But, erm, what are we going to do about all that inconvenient movement of the Earth under objects fired into the sky? Simple: we add a force to account for it. And you'll find that the equations are simpler, and the maths easier, as a result.
  
• Freudian Psychology: good ol' Sigmund Freud only actually studied one child, meeting the kid all of once, when he was working on his theories. The Oedipus complex, Electra complex (read: penis envy), id, ego, superego, thanatos and libido were all concepts he developed through working with adult patients. And who could blame him? Everyone knows its career suicide to work with children when you don't have to! So hoorah for Freud, and may he lead the way to more creative psychology!
  
• Newtonian Physics: the world would be a pretty awful place without this. Rather than having nice, normal letters in equations like F=ma , we would have a load of nasty greek letters - E=mc² is only a catchphrase, after all...
  

• The Aitkin's Diet: realistically, it's just a fat-reduced diet. But why care about that? You're so busy thinking about that scary carbohydrate that you don't realise your calorific intake has been reduced! Substitute this for the gym any day.
  
• Ideal Gases: wonderful things that they are, they let us treat gases equally - ignoring the segregationalist intermolecular forces - as nice, perfectly conformable, erm, gases. Martin Luther King would have approved. As would Karl Marx...
  
• Communism: ...just as he would with this. Few people realise that communism isn't just about a perfect form of Government, it also has its own type of natural science which it uses to explain, quite literally, 'life, the universe and everything'. Although it's answer isn't quite 42...
  
• 42ism: ...which is where this comes in. For all those (and they are many) people who have devoted their lives to uncovering the mystery that is 42. Fun, isn't it?
  

Incidentally, the Creative Scientist's Guild are also sponsers of the split infinitive, making it possible for the Enterprise 'to boldly go where no man has gone before...' Isn't it pleasing to know that if it weren't for our support, interstellar travel would be rendered impossible?

Cool. It Sounds Like You Guys are Very Influential.

Indeed we are; as a matter of fact, if you count all the creationists, A-Level Physics students, mechanics, communists and DNA fans in the world, you'll probably find that most of the world are creative scientists.

Umm, So Why Set Up a Guild When Nearly Everyone Can Join?

Because most of the world is being held under the tyranny of a few, unenlightened individuals, who have collectively brainwashed all but a tiny portion of the world using that heathenous doctrine known only by that terrible name: Science. Yes, we are not a democracy - we are a scientocracy! We are being run by none other than the Scientologists!

Dude, Scientologists and Scientists Aren't the Same Thing.

See, they have got to you as well! Observe how pervasive their blunting is!

Now You're Not Making Sense.

That's the whole point. It doesn't have to make sense. It just has to be convenient.

So What You're Saying Is, Creative Science is All About Pretending That You Live in an Ideal World?

No. Creative science is /knowing/ that you live in an ideal world. See?

That's Just Stu... Well, How Cool Is That? Let Me Join, Please!

Sure, just start a conversation going and I'll add you to the list of members!