A Conversation for Have I Got News For You-The TV Series.
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DJR Posted Jun 3, 2003
------------------------------
"he said:
'sorry to leave you
but i don't think i can'
i suppose, even the son of God
gets it hard sometimes
------------------------------
Jesus in a Camper Van - Robbie Williams
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Thin Lizzy Posted Jun 4, 2003
If you like, Fraeya.
Deano, I think you'll find it's "Sorry to leave you but I've done all I can".
Sorry, just had to point that out.
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Fraeya Posted Jun 4, 2003
nah dont go back to the jokes i cant think of any more
we could do quotes though
' you send off for every bit of junk going just so you can have some mail to open. Please rush me my portable walrus cleaning kit. Four simple brushes for cleaning even the trickiest of seabound mammels. Yes i am over 18 although my IQ isn't'
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Thin Lizzy Posted Jun 5, 2003
Lol!
"What do you mean, am I determined to go to the pub? I don't need determination to get me into a pub!"
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DJR Posted Jun 5, 2003
"matchbox twenty realises its full potential wehn exposed to fresh air and natural sunlight. rotate periodically for optimum growth"
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Fraeya Posted Jun 5, 2003
lol
'i was just doing a little test to see if you've gone crazy
well we've passed the test you can let us out.
i cant do that
why not
because the king of the potato people wont let me. Ive begged him. ive got down on my knees and wept. he wants to keep you here. keep you here for ten years.
can we see him?
who
the king
do you have a magic carpet?
yeah, a little 3 seater
so let me get this straight: you want to fly on a magic carpet t see the king of the potato people and beg with him for your freedom and you think your completly sane? I think that warrents 2 hours of WOO
whats WOO
with out oxygen no oxygen for two hours that'll teach you to be bread baskets'
shall i go on?
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Thin Lizzy Posted Jun 6, 2003
If you want.
"Baldrick, you wouldn't see a subtle plan if it painted itself purple and danced naked on top of a hardsichord, singing 'Subtle Plans are Here Again' "
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Fraeya Posted Jun 6, 2003
lol
ok heres some more (sad or what)
'now what
i estimate we hve 7 minutes before the air in here becomes unbreatheable
theres got to be a way out
thats the point of quarrentine nothing gets in nothing gets ouy not even a microbe kryten any chance of you craking the code on the door
no sir the chances of punching in the coorect code are literally billions to one, unless...
the luck virus...
*kryten injects lister with the luck virus*
right what do i do
just choose which numbers you think are best
*lister types numbers in*
yes!
what now?
i suggest we go down to the hologram suite before mr rimmer...
before mr rimmer what
*rimmer holds up penguin puppet*
theyve been naughty boys havn't they mr fibble
yes
what do we do with the naughty boys who've been naughty mr fibble
uncle arnie frys em alive with his hex vision
thats right mr fibble'
i never knew i could remember that much of it
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Fraeya Posted Jun 6, 2003
anyway
'baldrick you really are as thick as clotted cream, whose been left out by some clot untill the clots have got so clotted up you couldn't unclot them with an electric de-clotter'
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Fraeya Posted Jun 9, 2003
'go to blue alert
there's no one to alert we're all here
i'd just be more comferatble if we were all on our toes
we are
i want to go to blue alert
fine
*blue light saying alert swtches on*
thats better a bit of professionalisum
theres something coming some kind of missile...
dodge it
sir it can easily outrun us
the albainian state washing machine can easily outrun us...
step up to red alert
sir are you absolutly sure? it does mean changing the bulb'
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DJR Posted Jun 9, 2003
After a school is bombed in Colorado, a suspect is released due to lack of evidence.
He is interviewed in the movie documentary "Bowling for Columbine"
-----------------------
"So have you ever made a bomb before?"
"No - never...
...okay fine i've made some tiny little bombs - tennis ball sized - they couldna hurt nobody"
(5 mins later)
"So what's the last bomb you made?"
"Hmmm...
...probably a 5 litre napalm"
-----------------------
Some American lunatic (the latter adjective doesn't really need to be said with the former)
from 'Bowling for Columbine'
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Fraeya Posted Jun 9, 2003
lol
'name?
baldrick
first name?
dunno
you must have some idea?
well it might be s off cos when i was in the gutter with the other snipes i used to say to them 'hello my names baldrick' and they said 'yes we know s off baldrick'
ok - mr s baldrick
any history of insanity in the family?... i'll just cross out the 'in' Any history of sanity in the family?
none whatsoever
criminal record?
none whatsoever
oh for gods sake baldrick you're going to be an MP! i'll just put fraud and sexual devience
minimum bribe?
one turnip...no wait i dont want to price myself out
baldrick do you have any other aims in life apart from the acquisition of turnips
no
so what would you do if i gave you a thousand pounds?
i'd get a little turnip all of my own
so what would you get if i gave you a million pounds
oh thats different id get a great big turnip in the country'
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Fraeya Posted Jun 10, 2003
lol
'proper dumplings when they are properly cooked to perfection im talking proper dumplings rimmer do NOT BOUNCE!!!!'
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Thin Lizzy Posted Jun 11, 2003
"There's a saying, passed down through generations of road sweepers: Look after your broom."
"And your broom will look after you?"
"No... Just Look after your broom."
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Fraeya Posted Jun 11, 2003
'Rasputin, fetch the skn diving suit with the bottom cut out, and unleash the rampant wildebeast'
i think i watch red dwarf too much
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Fraeya Posted Jun 17, 2003
and the other half of that one
'rasputin, bring in the bucket of soapy frogs and remove his trousers'
dead appropriate as one of my cats just brought in a live frog (not soapy though)and i had to take it back outside I HATE DOING THAT!!!!!!
Key: Complain about this post
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- 101: DJR (Jun 3, 2003)
- 102: Fraeya (Jun 3, 2003)
- 103: Thin Lizzy (Jun 4, 2003)
- 104: Fraeya (Jun 4, 2003)
- 105: Thin Lizzy (Jun 5, 2003)
- 106: DJR (Jun 5, 2003)
- 107: Fraeya (Jun 5, 2003)
- 108: Thin Lizzy (Jun 6, 2003)
- 109: Fraeya (Jun 6, 2003)
- 110: Fraeya (Jun 6, 2003)
- 111: Thin Lizzy (Jun 9, 2003)
- 112: Fraeya (Jun 9, 2003)
- 113: DJR (Jun 9, 2003)
- 114: Fraeya (Jun 9, 2003)
- 115: Thin Lizzy (Jun 10, 2003)
- 116: Fraeya (Jun 10, 2003)
- 117: Thin Lizzy (Jun 11, 2003)
- 118: Fraeya (Jun 11, 2003)
- 119: Fraeya (Jun 17, 2003)
- 120: Thin Lizzy (Jun 18, 2003)
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