One-liners
Created | Updated Sep 20, 2002
The dictionary defines "one-liners" as "A short joke or witticism, usually expressed in a single sentence." For example:
A man walked into a bar and said 'Ouch!'
One liner jokes are different to other jokes in that they are over extremely quickly. The joke is not setup then finished with a punchline, and there is no thinking time for the audience to consider what the punchline is going to be. The joke cannot be spoiled by anyone as there is no opportunity for them to spoil it, since the joke is over straight away. The joke has already been told before the audience realises it, thus enhancing its comedic power.
Champions of the One-liner
The short, sharp joke is an artform unto itself. To those who take comedy and humour seriously, the one-liner is a sacred thing, not to be misrepresented. It is to these people a genre of joke, with its own unique history, context and format (despite its prostitution in sitcoms in recent decades). To call any old short joke a 'one-liner' is not merely an error, it is a sin against the gods of comedy.
One-liners are not the same as epigrams or aphorisms or pithy quotes. The true classic one-liners are usually slightly naughty, in some way or another. You certainly wouldn't see them on a poster in a nun's office, in some calligraphic font, accompanying a photograph of an eagle, or a puppy, or some crap like that. Some comedians have become legends on the strength of their one-liners.
Milton Jones: 'I used to wonder if, in China, young piano players used to have to learn "Knife and Fork".'
"When my grandfather became ill, my grandmother greased his back. He went downhill very quickly after that."
"On my birthday, my friends clubbed together and bought me a sweater. I'd have preferred a moaner or a screamer, but you can't have everything." - Anthony J Brown.
"I wrote a book on penguins. Paper would have been better." - Gary Delaney.
"I was interested in astronomy, so I had a skylight installed... the people upstairs were furious" -Steven Wright
Soupy Sales:
"I'm 65 but I have the body of a 20 year old... waiting for me back at the hotel."
Groucho Marx: You're only as old as the woman you feel.
Mae West,
Rodney Dangerfield,
Will Rodgers,
Mel Brooks,
WC Fields,
Woody Allen
Yo Momma Jokes
These jokes, which derive their humour from the inherent hilarity in verbally abusing mothers, are not really one-liners, in the traditional sense. They are, perhaps, a subspecies of joke that has become separated from the main population of one-liners. Subsequent generations of inbreeding has produced the following:
Yo Momma's so fat, she eats Wheat Thicks.
Yo Momma's so fat, when she ran away they had to use all four sides of the milk carton.
Yo Momma's so ugly, that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.
Headline Jokes
Often the abbreviated editorial style of news headlines will produce unintentionally humourous one-liners, consider the following:
Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
McArthur Flies Back To Front
Eighth Army Push Bottles Up German Rear
Blind Woman Gets Kidney From Dad She Hasn't Seen In Years
These can be so amusing that several publications have taken to making them up, thereby developing a new genre of funny, fake news. The Onion and The Ironic Times for some fine examples of this brand of humour.
Some More One-liners
A woman walks into a bar and asks the barman for a double entendre, so he gives her one.
I am a marvellous housekeeper - every time I leave a man I get to keep his house.
Eat one live toad first thing in the morning, and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
Clones are people, two.
Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
If you are a pessimist, probably even your blood group is B-negative.
Bigamy is when you have one wife too many - monogamy is the same.
Under Communism man exploits man, whereas under Capitalism it's the other way round.
One last one-liner
To conclude this entry on short jokes, we leave you with the shortest joke we know.
Agoraphobic skinhead: "Oi! Inside!"
Related Entries
- A592643 - Puns and Other Word Play
- A765876 - Good Put-downs
