h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Your host: Master B

The fusty smell of grapes, yeast and old alcoholics pulls you inside. A rickety table over to the right contains several bottles of Master B's legendarily alcoholic Orange Peel and Mint Leaf Burgundy (barred from the competition this year due to judge frailty). Pour yourself a snifter, break the ice. Mind that stain...Oh, never mind. That was left by last year's judge, you see.

The entry table along the back wall stands forlornly empty - waiting to be overladen with home-made sauvignons, riojas, vouvres and liebfraumilches. There is no compulsion to make your beverage from grapes - the more exotic the better at Village de la Vavoom. Please hand all entries to:...

Your host is dressed dapperly in full sommelier mode, the draped teatowel cunningly concealing a half-bottle of scotch in his top pocket.

"Good evening sir? What can I do you for?"

*floating by, in her usual vague, elf-like manner*

*pops in head*

Everything OK in here? *looks around*

Hmmmm... a bit empty, eh? Well, early days yet - I'll see if I can round up some competitors!

*drifting off*

*Catches Titania by the collar before she disappears completely*

'Ere! You never told me this competition was going to be done through links and entries. I thought I'd only have a forum to take care of.

*reappears with a in her hand*

*s at Master B's baffled look as he realizes he tried to catch a lingering reflection*

Sorry about that - it's a side effect that started showing after I became an Archangel - seems to collide with being elvish, I think!

Changed the wording - and I don't expect *you* to follow all the links to the entries (here's to hoping there'll be lots of them!) - I thought that was a job for the judge!

Well, I would _like_ to follow the links, to add them to my wine-tasting repertoire. A good host has to be knowledgable, you know

I only ever catch lingering reflections of ladies these days

B

Well, hosting this tent might give you the opportunity - handing out free samples might do the trick!

Oh well - I need to continue my round - bye! ~waves~

*dances in*

Hiya! D'ya want me to get the ball rolling! The free sample idea was good- got me here, anyway!

*puts his head round the door*

We're a bit short on entries at the minute, so I'm taking up residence in the beer tent...

B

Okay. Give me a minute to find the URL and I'll come and give you and Munchkin some support.

*Mari-rae and Kes walk in with a large bottle in a basket. Attached to the bottle is a $10. note that has NOT A BRIBE printed in large friendly letters on it. The label on the bottle seems to be smouldering and is beginning to peel off...*

Here is our entry for the home-made wine competition... Kes has a sheet of notes about the wine we made.

*Kes produces a crumpled note from his top pocket.*

Ahem! One pound of plain flour, a tin of beans, half a pound of sausages, anchovies ....

Oh no - sorry - that's the shopping list!

*Finds another crumpled note in another pocket*
Here we are!

Chateau Daanunda ... (that's us!)
Wombat Ridge

Blended Wattle, Banksia and Quocka, matured in polpropylene for three hours.

A forthright antipodean concoction, with a distinctly butyric nose, and a lingering finish evocative of old hospital dressings. If spilt onto a varnished surface, wipe clean immediately.

Morning Kes, thanks for the entry

*uncorks, takes tentative sniff*



An enchanting nose, full of odours of old telephone kiosks, with just a hint of motorway layby. Delightful!

B

/* Pokes head in, followed by Zeppo's head, then the rest of both of their bodies. */

Only one entrant? We can't allow that.



This is Zeppo's recipe, and, well, I haven't tried it. It's made with pork chop squeezings, tennis balls, marshmallows, twigs and rice, and fermented by putting it in bowl that is buried in a whole in the ground. I insisted that we cover the bowl first and strain it before bottling, but then I'm not a purist.

*enters pulling a cart containing three bottles*

This is Honey and Compost Champagne-style Beverage. 18% proof. It has a good nose, a full body and isn't as sweet as you'd expect. Hang on, that sounds like someone I know .

*opens one of the bottles* the resulting inter-continental ballistic cork takes out one side of the marquee*

Oops. It's a bit frisky .

*Sniffs D'Elaphant's entry*

Mmmm...cheeky, full of old cat-hair (sorry dog <patthedogsmiley&gt, sofa fluff and old tupenny bits. Very acceptable.

*places it at the front of the Entry table*

*smoothly catches ricochet of Amy's cork*

I'll let that one sit for a while, shall I?

B

*Enters the wine tent after dropping off her carrot cake at the cake tent.*

*Surveys the entries so far.*

Hmmm, I do like a sparkling wine. Amy, that looks promising.

*Scratches Zeppo behind the ears.*

I'll bet your entry is wonderful, Zeppo.

Evening, Witty

Of course, the hint of sofa fluff is much sought-after by the connoiseur.

B

Hello, Master B.

But sofa fluff is an acquired taste, don't you agree? And it takes an experienced nose to differentiate between natural organic fluff and the polyester variety.

*appears out of the blue and puts up a note on the outside of The Wine Competition Tent before disappearing again*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Judging of the wines will take place on
Sunday 1 September at 10-12 am BST

See the Harvest Festival Info page
for more details! A810640

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dreamweaver's Deadly Dönderglögg recipe:

3 bottles of the cheapest, nastiest ['bout time we had THAT smiley: hurrah!]red wine
1 bottle schnapps/akvavit/vodka/turps/meths/other spirits
2 - 3 cinnamon sticks
whole cloves to taste

simmer slowly (preferably using dragon's breath: Espharoth will be on hand to offer expertise)

Must be drunk hot, but DO NOT let it reach boiling point as the ABV will rocket as the liquid evaporates