h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*opens the creaking door*

*makes note: hinges need oiling*

*steps inside*

*notes: windows need cleaning*

*looks up*

*notes: chandeliers need new candles*

*looks down*

*notes: floor needs sweeping*

Squeeeeek....

*enters, dragging two v. large carboard boxes overflowing with foliage, limp hedgerow flowers, mega-marrows, onions, carrots, cow cabbage, over-large stringy beans, jars of pickled beet, etc.*

Omigod!! What a mess!

*spots shadowy figure about to sidle out*

Oi! You on the committee? Tell 'em I'll do the produce display _after_ they've cleaned up. And take that "smiley" off your face.

*departs, miffed, dragging two v. large cardboard boxes, etc. etc.*

Squeeeek.... Banggg!!

*baffled at sudden noise, looks up just to see the church door closing with a *

*has a bright idea*

*drifting off*

*soon returns with a small army of no other than Santa's (U12) little s*

*the s start sweeping the floor, cleaning the windows, dusting off the chandeliers and putting new candles in them, oiling the hinges of the church door*

*leaving the church looking all shiny and new, rapidly following Titania who is heading for The Beer Tent as promised*

*Peeks into the sparkling clean church...*

Hello?

Hello to you.

I'm just here to have a recce. What a transformation! Santa's little helpers (or the WI ladies?) have done a sterling job.

I've put off doing the produce display until Sunday morning. It's the cauliflowers, you see. They go all brown and grungy if you leave them in a clammy atmosphere for more than a few hours.

Oh, by the way. I'm told that produce displays are no longer auctioned off. It seems there's not much demand nowadays for mega-marrows and stringy, oversized beans.

Nonetheless, any and all contributions to the produce display are warmly welcomed. Please mark them with your name and I'll ensure that they're returned to you on Monday -- provided, of course, that you attach a suitably-stamped, self-addressed Jiffy bag.

The Legal Bit (sorry, but it's unavoidable these days): We, whether singly, jointly or collectively, cannot be held responsible for anything whatsoever. If your prize cauliflower is returned mouldy, weeks later, with excess postage to pay, take it up with Consignia -- or whatever they're then calling themselves.

*The Church Mouse looks out from his home in the vestry, with an eager longing .... this is the best weekend of the year for him ....*

*Brings in a bushel of scrubbed potatoes*

We can make lots of chips with these after the Festival!

*nips in to see what new harvest offerings there are*

Wow! Potato sculptures. Sort of Henry Moore-ish: little cavities, randomly and roughly gouged out of the surface. Such artistic talent, and right here in St. George's!

*The bakery brought in a decorative loaf, shaped like a wheatsheaf. Church Mouse inspects it closely .... It smells delicious, for it has been lightly glazed with egg ... and if one were to start nibbling from around the back, surely no-one else would notice ..... *

Oooooooo! What a lovely loaf of bread!

*Picks it up to inspect it and a falls off and scurries away off the table. Looks around over her shoulder... carefully replaces the loaf and backs out of the church....*



EEEEk!!!

*Wanders in*

*Doesn't recognise the clean and sparkling church*

*Puts down a trug of peas and beans, some onions (plaited) and a big bunch of flaming dahlias*

*Wanders off to look for the usual church*

*Verger wanders in and extinguishes the dahlias, then leaves.*

*Church Mouse resumes close inspection of the goodies.*

This produce display is amazing! I've never used a digital camera before, but here goes....

The First Harvest Festival
http://www.state.il.us/hpa/ps/2.gif

*Church Mouse shelters from the flash, then resumes work on the loaf.....*

Sorry, Lis... the photo didn't work.

Oops! I never was very good with cameras. Mind you, it's no wonder I was a bit twitchy on the button -- you wouldn't credit how many mice there were in there. Not only Church mouse (I recognise him), but all his Town and Country cousins, too.

*Kitty wanders in, dragging a large cheese for his murine friends*

Oh! Thank you Kitty! .....

*Nibbles through a cardboard milk carton (left as one of the offerings)so that Kitty can have a drink. Inspects the cheese.*