Language Efficiency
Created | Updated Feb 20, 2003
Having chosen English as the preferred language in the EEC, the European Parliament has commissioned a feasibility study in ways of improving efficiency in communications between Government departments.
European officials have often pointed out that English spelling is unnecessarily difficult - for example, cough, plough, rough, through and thorough. What is clearly needed is a phased programme of changes to iron out these anomalies. The programme would, of course, be administered by a committee staff at top level by participating nations.
In the first year, for example, the committee would suggest using 's' instead of the soft 'c'. Sertainly sivil servants in all sities would resieve this news with joy. Then the hard 'c' could be replaced by 'k' sinse both letters are pronounsed alike. Not only would this klear up konfusion in the minds of klerikal workers, but typewriters kould be made with one less letter.
There would be growing enthusiasm when in the sekond year, it kould be announsed that the troublesome 'ph' would henseforth be written 'f'. This would make words like 'fotograf' twenty per sent shorter in print.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reash the stage where more komplikated shanges are possible. Governments would enkourage the removal of double letters whitsh have always been a deterent to akurate speling.
We would al agre that the horible mes of the silent 'e's in the languag is disgrasful. Therfor we kould drp thes and kontinu to read and writ as though nothing had hapend. By this tim it would be four years sins the skem began and peopl would be reseptive to steps sutsh as replasing 'th' by 'z'. Pergaos zen ze funktion of 'w' kould be taken on by 'v', vitsh is, after al, half a 'w'. Shortly after zis, ze unecesary 'o' could be dropd from words kontaining 'ou'. Similar arguments vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
Knotinuing zis proses yer after yer, ve vud eventuli hav a reli sensibil riten styl. After tventi yers zer vud be no mor trubls, difikultis and evrivun vus find it ezi to unerstand esh ozer. Ze drems of ze Guvermnt vud finali hav kum tru.
PS This is a very old joke that has been going around for awhile. I wrote it out to show the silliness (silines) of the english language but also how ridiculous it would be if we changed everything. If you have some ideas on how the english language in its written form could be adjusted tell me and I'll add them to this entry.
European officials have often pointed out that English spelling is unnecessarily difficult - for example, cough, plough, rough, through and thorough. What is clearly needed is a phased programme of changes to iron out these anomalies. The programme would, of course, be administered by a committee staff at top level by participating nations.
In the first year, for example, the committee would suggest using 's' instead of the soft 'c'. Sertainly sivil servants in all sities would resieve this news with joy. Then the hard 'c' could be replaced by 'k' sinse both letters are pronounsed alike. Not only would this klear up konfusion in the minds of klerikal workers, but typewriters kould be made with one less letter.
There would be growing enthusiasm when in the sekond year, it kould be announsed that the troublesome 'ph' would henseforth be written 'f'. This would make words like 'fotograf' twenty per sent shorter in print.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reash the stage where more komplikated shanges are possible. Governments would enkourage the removal of double letters whitsh have always been a deterent to akurate speling.
We would al agre that the horible mes of the silent 'e's in the languag is disgrasful. Therfor we kould drp thes and kontinu to read and writ as though nothing had hapend. By this tim it would be four years sins the skem began and peopl would be reseptive to steps sutsh as replasing 'th' by 'z'. Pergaos zen ze funktion of 'w' kould be taken on by 'v', vitsh is, after al, half a 'w'. Shortly after zis, ze unecesary 'o' could be dropd from words kontaining 'ou'. Similar arguments vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
Knotinuing zis proses yer after yer, ve vud eventuli hav a reli sensibil riten styl. After tventi yers zer vud be no mor trubls, difikultis and evrivun vus find it ezi to unerstand esh ozer. Ze drems of ze Guvermnt vud finali hav kum tru.
PS This is a very old joke that has been going around for awhile. I wrote it out to show the silliness (silines) of the english language but also how ridiculous it would be if we changed everything. If you have some ideas on how the english language in its written form could be adjusted tell me and I'll add them to this entry.
