The very name of French cricket is something of an anomaly, for it is neither French, nor does it much resemble the sport of cricket. The name probably derives from hackneyed xenophobia about 'French doing things differently,' and the only piece of cricket equipment you'll need is a bat. For preference, the bat should be:

1. Old and mouldy with a tendency to pass on nasty splinters.

2. Ridiculously small for the participants, making the game harder for the batsmen while simultaneously allowing huge slogging strokes to be played.

The only other essential equipment required is a tennis ball. Again, connoisseurs are much more likely to opt for the greying or 'manky' variety of tennis ball.

A Note On Rules

Many rules have been developed and lost for French Cricket over the years; the following is an attempt (in the manner of the development of most sports) to unify the most sensible and widely played rules into this - the Unified h2g2 Rules of French Cricket.

These rules can be adapted at will to the playing group's tendencies and other assorted rules from other games, such as Tip-and-Run and Six-and-Out from Beach Cricket.

Set-Up

The game can be played with any number of players greater than three, although more than 11 is not recommended.

The game can be played equally well on grass or sand - although wet sand is preferable for easy marking of the boundary and the crease. A circular boundary should be marked around the game of play, with the batsman's¹ stance central to this circle. The radius of the circle is adjustable depending on the number of players, the physical fitness of the fielders and the length of time since anyone playing had a heavy meal.

A batsman is nominated - he must take up the bat and plant his feet firmly together in the batting stance, not moving them for the duration of his innings. The other players are designated fielders. The batsman marks a crease, which is a circle created with the tip of the bat held at arm's length.

One of the fielders must take up the ball and retire with it to a spot approximately six yards from the batsman in the direction he is facing.

Game commences. The wicket - the target for the fielding team - is the batsman's legs². The batsman is considered to be out if he:

1. Is hit on the legs by the ball³ (bowled).

2. Moves his feet at any time from their original resting place, or falls so that his hand(s) touch(es) the ground while his feet remain stationary.

3. Is caught out (a ball the batsmen has hit is brought to rest by a fielder before the ball has hit the ground).

4. Does not hit the ball out of the crease circle.

5. Hits the ball twice before it touches a fielder.

Rules For Batting

The feet cannot be moved, so the wicket must be covered from behind by twisting the upper torso. Runs are scored after hitting a ball and can be made by passing the bat from one hand to another, behind the back, in a complete circle around one's body. All complete runs made before a fielder picks the ball up are counted. If the ball is hit over the boundary without bouncing, six runs are scored. If the ball is hit over the boundary, but touches the floor en route, four runs are scored.

Rules For Fielding

All throws must be made underarm. After the initial throw, each successive throw must be made from the position the thrower was standing when the ball was picked up. The only exceptions to this are after no-balls (see below) and boundaries, when the ball is returned to the initial bowling position.

At no point should a fielder proceed inside the crease circle to grope, tickle or otherwise disturb the batsman.

A no-ball is bowled when:

• The ball bounces outside the crease before reaching the batsman. The ball is permitted to bounce within the crease, but if it stops there, the batsman is permitted to hit at it at his leisure.

• The ball is bowled illegally (overarm) or the fielder moves his feet after picking the ball up and bowling.

• At no point in its flight does the ball proceed within the crease circle at a height between the batsman's feet and his shoulders.

In each of these cases the batsman scores one run. A batsman cannot be out off a No-Ball, and any further runs that are scored off the No-Ball can be counted towards the batsman's score.

Note that not every ball has to be directed towards a batsman's legs. It is perfectly legal to throw the ball to another fielder, providing the ball crosses the crease, and does not bounce prior to the crease.

In the interests of fairness, fielding positions are usually divided into sectors of the field, rather than long and short positions (as in conventional cricket). The reasons for this are mainly due to the unusual batting order.

When A Batsman Is Out

The batting hierarchy proceeds as follows:

1. If the batsman was bowled out the fielder who last threw the ball takes up the bat.

2. If the batsman was caught out the catcher takes the bat.

3. If the batsman is out by any other method, the player who has spent longest, uninterrupted, in the field takes up the bat.

Ending the Game

The game is played for a fixed time limit, usually defined as that until the participants' families or girlfriends force them to do something else, or until at least one player is suffering from heat exhaustion and/or dehydration⁴. The runs from each players innings are totalled, regardless of how many innings they have played. The player with the highest run tally is pronounced the winner, and must stand each of the other players one drink of their choosing.