h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Mostly Harmless depresses me like hell, OK? I had enough trouble trying to justify my own existence after it, without having to explain the Universe, and my parents, and mum and Uncle Ford and Uncle Arthur the monkey man's escape, and all that stuff.

Basically, what's done is done, OK?

Well for the purposes of this sixth book, at least at the start, your family is gone. They're not dead, of course. It's just they're on the other side of the Big Bang. How you found yourself on this side of the Big Bang would make an interesting number of chapters, Zaphara.

Well, in my chapter wot I is writing, there's a different theory. Zaphara has had a relatively normal childhood, with relatively kind of normal parents (Zaphod has settled down, Zaphara is carrying on where he left off), and if she has smegged off somewhere entirely different, that is her business. I mean mine. Well, in the chapter it is mine. I would like to point out that MH wasn't the truth, so there, nah.

Confused Zaphara Beeblebrox

Please consider this possibility. It will be how I can most easily incorporate your ideas into QuadBee.

Try to follow me. I've explained this in more detail elsewhere but I'll try to do a simple summary here.

Mostly Harmless DID happen. (no bear with me don't freak just follow me). Guide Mach Two reverse engineered the end of all possible Earths, this caused all of Plural Zed space to be unstable and is in fact WHY all plural zed space was always unstable. Plural Zed space is where the Earth existed. When the Earth ceased to exist, it was like turning the universe into a house of cards, and Plural Zed space began to buckle and collapse. This started a chain reaction that caused ALL of time and space to collapse.

We presently live, according to scientists, in an EXPANDING universe. This means that our planet and its sun and in fact all planets and stars are speeding AWAY from the center of the universe. Theoretically, one day, the entire universe is going to run out of momentum, and everything's going to start collapsing. This will cause a Big Crunch, where all matter falls into a space smaller than the tip of a pin. Once it's done doing that, it will explode out again, and we'll have a second Big Bang.

This may have happened several times in fact, and we just exist during the expanding phase of one of these cycles.

The Mach Two Guide caused the universe that the Hitch Hiker's Guide Trilogy occurs in to prematurely collapse. After it collapsed, it Big Banged again, and the story that takes place in the SIXTH book of the series, is occurring after this Big Bang.

Everything is relatively similar to the previous universe, with slightly different variations. Everyone we know from the previous universe exists in this one, but their lives are a little different. Theoretically, this second Big Bang also caused an infinite number of alternate realities for this second universe too, but hopefully we'll never have to go there because that will take way too much to explain.

Like how can two infinities exist? Don't git me started.

At any rate, YOUR parents are the Zaphod and Trillian that exist in this SECOND universe. The one that occurred AFTER Mostly Harmless.

So to YOU, Mostly Harmless never happened. To YOU, the first five books never happened.

for YOU, this is what probably happened, and you can change this to a degree as it works for you:

Several years before the Goothsbanians come along to evict the human race, there was this party at an Islington flat. Arthur Dent was at this party, and he completely failed to hit it off with one Tricia McMillian. Zaphod Beeblebrox, who at the time had the two arms and the one head and called himself "Phil" crashed the party, practically sweeped Trillian off her feet, and somewhere after that point you were born.

Your parents are the Trillian and Zaphod on THIS side of the Big Bang. They're very similar to the ones we know from the first five books. However, they only know Arthur from that one party. Zaphod probably doesn't remember him at all.

The Earth was NOT destroyed to make way for a hyperspace bypass. The vogons may or may not exist in this reality. If they DO, apparently they're not interested in blowing up planets. Well, not Earth anyway. They may have bigger fish to fry, and they may have killed themselves eons ago writing particularly horrific poetry.

NONE of the events that were described in the first five books after the destruction of the Earth happened in this reality. They all happened in that other reality on the OTHER side of the Big Bang.

Our job as participants in the Tales of the Big Bang Burger Bar project is to describe the events that happen on THIS side of the Big Bang Burger Bar.

In other words, we're completely failing to successfully not tell the same exact story that was told before by someone much hoopier. Instead we're telling a completely different story with similar characters and not so similar situations in relatively the same way but not quite.

Are you with me so far?

Alright. So much for a simple summary. This simply isn't something you can just toss off on your way to the deli.

Have you ever read the Discworld books? If you have, you'll know all about Death and stuff, but in it there's Death and His granddaughter Susan, and she remembers things BEFORE they happen. Zaphara can kind of do that. She remembers the word 'Monkeyman'. As far as she knows, this is something to do with the FUTURE, but it's infact something to do with what may be described as the PAST, but may be the future, yada yada yada.
I'll keep you posted.

Zaphara Beeblebrox

That works for me! I was planning on bringing in a character in the Jacob Sydney storyline that is a soothsayer but he foretells events that happened in the previous storyline. At present he is somewhere in the cargo bay hold, but I haven't gotten that far yet.

He was wandering around the streets of New York saying THE END IS NEAR and even had one of those signs, but he was thinking the world was going to be destroyed. Not just that the human race was going to be evicted. Suffice it to say he's a bit disappointed when we meet up with him.

Actually I can dump the character if you were planning on doing the same exact thing. OR once I get him fleshed out, it might be very interesting when Zaphara meets the guy.

Oh! I haven't read any of Terry Pratchett's books, but I did play the DiscWorld cd rom game. I'm familiar with the Death character, but they never brought his daughter into it.

Discworld genetics is almost is complex as Zaphara's.

Zaphara
PS. My User Pages still won't work.

You mean this one?

http://www.h2g2.com/P80821

I was able to read it. Great start so far. Are you unable to access it?

Did you ask Jim Lynn VERY NICELY about it?

No, it's the other one, can't remember what it's called, title has 'Zaphara' in it.


Zaphara

I found a Zaphara link. How it started for Zaphara. That one seemed to work. Unfortunately I can't continue troubleshooting it with you because I gotta drive down to Waxahachie Texas and pretend to be a priest. Hopefully I'll be back in front of a computer in about 24 hours or so. Talk to Jim Lynn, be real nice and hopefully between the three of us we can figure it out. =) Take care I'll see you when I get back from 1533.

Hello! I read the post on 42...... Which is.......

Random has got back in, even if she doesn't remember. None of the others did, which was a shame, but probably leaves us with less to work out.

Zaphara and Random meet at some point, of course, but they don't recognise each other (just as well, really). I think that guy on Earth is a great idea, it would be interesting to see what happens when the three all met and realise who the others are.

Luv Zaphara

Actually after a night of sleep my present angle is to simply let everyone who wants to build off what I've already laid down have at it and I'll pick up the pieces and try to find a way to tie everything together.

I don't want to curtail creativity any more than is necessary. So if everyone just works off what's already there, we'll match it all together later.

I've got two completed chapters ready for collection, if anybody needs them.


Zaphara

If you haven't already done so, please send the URLs to me via email at [email protected]. =)

I'll start linking the working chapters together soon as I get a few more responses. After I've linked them together, I'll try to figure out where everything goes.

O.K, the idea is that I,m an Earthling, rather stranded and alone, who is going to be evicted, by the looks of it.
THIS IS ALL IF ZACHSMIND, ECT. DON,T OBJECT.
I try to use my 'psychic' anti-S.E.P. to find some-one any one who knows about my parentage.
I keep getting an ingaged tone/hung up on.
I don't know who from, and siblings are a faint psychic impression, but I don't know 'em.
That's the plan, it's gotta be approved, though.
This is what's written elsewhere. Is it O.K?
I sent you an E-mail, but I'm clueless on this URL stuff.

You've noticed. Errm. Permission to included an inter galactic rally cruiser called a quad_B6 in to my story.

Oh there's no need to ask permission for places or things in your storyline. Just use caution regarding DNA oriented characters and try to stay true to the plot events in the storyline.

Thank you for being so conscientious, though.

Oh, O.K.
*blush* , sorry. I've been subject to a stereotypical English over polite upbringing. (Unlike the majority of English people)