I must admit to being amongst, one of the many h2g2 researchers to go and see 'Attack of the Clones' this week, and a fine film it was. I have thoroughly enjoyed myself since then, with pretending to be a Jedi, and trying my hardest to make things come to me with the
Force. Sitting on the sofa in the Lair, I decided to make a cup of coffee come to me, and concentrating hard with much wiggling of fingers, accompanied by humming of suitable Jedi music, I willed the coffee to obey me. Only to be jumped on by an excited Kolin, the
Long Sutton Terrier¹, who thought that all the attention was directed at her...

Not bad for a beginner I thought, coffee and Kolin being very similar sounding, I feel I am well on the way to becoming a fully fledged Jedi Knight and am thinking about changing my name to Gree-Bo TeCato just to prove the point. Kolin, on the other hand, will be my
apprentice, or Paddywack... which she is exceptionally happy with, as any of you who remembers the nursery rhyme and how it ends will understand.

I am quite willing to answer all questions and queries regarding this subject, and if wanted I can help with problems from researchers via e-mail. Due to time restrictions I cannot reply to each individual E-mail personally, but will give the answer to your problems on the Horror Scope page. Please send your letters and queries to me
Mystic

Greebs.

The Horror Scope is divided rather neatly up into twelve sections, January through to December, and you will be able to tell which section you fall under by looking to the day you joined h2g2.

For those of you with limited understanding, I will explain further. If you joined h2g2 on the 25^th April 2001, then your section will be April and you can read your future under that section heading.

JANUARY

A large marsupial causes you concern at the weekend, but don't worry, all will become clear to you shortly. Beware of Egyptian artefacts from a foreign country, they bare you ill will this week.


FEBRUARY

The Whingy Board has a message for you from someone you met on a sinking boat, a very long time ago. 'Once more you opened the door, and now look what happened, you let all the d*****d sea-water in!!!!'.


MARCH

A refreshing change is heading your way, and should arrive by the middle of next week. If it doesn't, then don't blame me, I am only the messenger, I have no say in the actual day to day running of your life.


APRIL

The Winks Tiddled in a strange and unappealing way, this could mean that something dire and unfortunate is going to happen, or it could mean that something wonderful and brilliant is going to happen. It depends really on that last Wink, which is spinning around still, oh
well, you will have to wait until next week to find out now.


MAY

A cold breeze proves that Uranus is revealing itself once more, so you must be careful how you handle things at the weekend. There is a chance of a new friendship on the horizon, so that is something to look forward to at least.


JUNE

Try to be careful about any forms you have to fill in at the end of the week, a small mistake could take months of explaining. The Tea Leaves reveal that a sudden change in your appearance will cause great concern. Maybe this is not the time to experiment with lurid
hair dyes and fake tattoos.


JULY

The sudden and unexpected de-calcification of all your bones means that a Dark Jedi is in town, lock all your doors and windows and seek shelter whilst this phantom menace is around. Do not go seeking trouble, as there may not be a short, balding, green skinned guy to help you out of a bad situation.


AUGUST

A problem will perplex you on Wednesday, causing you sleepless nights and some anxiety in the days ahead. Try not to let it get on top of you, think things through rationally and you should come up with the answer quickly. So, which is it? Does the salt go in the condiment
container with one hole, or the one with three holes?


SEPTEMBER

The Dregs at the bottom of the Coffee Mug reveal that you are a mathematical genius, and that you have untapped talents that may lead to scientific discoveries of world shattering proportions. Oh... hang on, no... the Dregs just shifted, hmmm, actually you will find out that you have overspent this month as you hadn't added the monthly budget up properly.


OCTOBER

This week you will meet someone with a 'M' in their name, who will know someone with a 'P' in their name, which is a friend of someone you both knew with a 'T' in their name. 'M' will tell you a secret about a person you know with a 'L' in their name, but don't believe it, as they were told by someone with a 'B' in their name and you know that 'B' never tells the truth, not unless they are talking to 'T', who they would never lie to.


NOVEMBER

'And now the end is near, and so I face the final fortune,

I know not what to write, for December, the future is untold yet.

I will divine, some words of truth, no doubt about that, it’s my calling,

And yet, I can't decide, but what I write, it will be in MY WAAAYYY'


DECEMBER

It's time to sit down, put your feet up, relax and enjoy a really hot cup of tea. This last week has been pretty hectic for you, and you deserve to take it easy for a while. The Thrown Horseshoe reveals that your lucky numbers will be 13, 24, 36 and 41.

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