JJ's Episode II: Part II

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Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones: Part II

Hello and greetings and everything else everyone!
Episode II was lovely! (And if you haven't seen it by now, lemme tell ya what, you'd betta go soon, you heah?) And because it was steeped in such loveliness, I shall give you a full report, without even stealing material from Greg Dean Shmidtz at upcommingmovies.com. It's all me. And because it's all me, I'm going to do something a bit odd. I call it 'Episode II in a Minute Twenty Five... Give or Take.'

Okay, so the name needs some work. Gimmie a break, I'm still bouncing from how pretty it was and I saw it last week! (smiley - tongueout and smiley - cool and smiley - elf and such.) Anyway. here goes. Have fun, and don't let the 'wookie hittcha where the good lawd splitcha!'. (No, I haven't been at the smiley - ale today.)

Episode II in a Minute Twenty-Five

Anakin: 'I am the posterchild for teen angst'.

Obi-wan: 'Shut up.'

Anakin: *Frown*

Padme': 'Hi! I'm pretty!'

Anakin: 'Hey, you're pretty.'

Padme': 'I know.'

Jango Fett: 'I am bad. I am gonna try and kill you Padme'.'

Padme': 'Eek!'

Yoda: 'Do that you cannot. To Naboo, go you, Anakin and Padme'. But funny business, partake in not.'

Anakin and Padme': 'Okay!' *They leave*

Obi-wan: 'I am gonna go to a creepy rainy planet and see how much trouble I can start. Horray!'

Tuan Li: 'We made you an army.'

Obi-wan: 'Eep!'

Jango Fett: 'I'm gonna kill you.'

Obi-wan: 'Eep!' *Manages to escape death*

*Back on Naboo*

Anakin: 'I love you!'
Padme': 'I love me too! I mean, uuh, yeah I love you!'

Anakin: 'Let's go to Tattoine so I can kill people.'

Padme': 'Whither thou goest...'

Anakin: 'Mom!'

Shmi: 'Hi.' *Dies*

Anakin: 'Nooo!' *Kills people*

Padme': 'It's all right honey.'

*Back to Obi-wan*

Obi-wan: 'I'm gonna go to Geonosis to get my butt kicked some more! Horray!'

Geonosian Guards: 'You are trapped. Mwa hahahaha.

Obi-wan: Oh dang.'

Count Dooku: 'Join me Obi-wan. And we can rule the galaxy as father and son..! Oops, wait, wrong movie.'

Obi-wan: 'It dun matter anyway. I won't join you, because you are bad, and I am good. Good good. bad, bad. Your evil will be your downfall, while me goodness will be my triumph. Good, good. Bad, bad. (etc.)'

Count Dooku: 'Then you have chosen death... Oops, wrong movie again...'

Obi-wan: *Sighs*

*Back on Tattoine*

R2-D2: 'Beep boop beep!'

Anakin: 'What's that Artoo? Uncle Timmy fell into the well?'

C-3P0: 'No, he's saying that master Obi-wan is in trouble.'

Padme': 'Ah, off to Genosia then.'

Anakin: 'Right.'

*They go*

*After a brief period of almost being killed about 30 times, Anakin and Padme' are caught.*

Padme': 'Kiss me.'

Anakin: 'Okay!'

*They kiss*

Anakin: *Tied to a pole* 'We came to rescue you!'

Obi-wan: 'You screwed up!'

Padme': *Picks locks on handcuffs* 'Whoo ha!' *Begins beating on kitty monster*

Obi-wan: *Begins beating on clawed monster*

Anakin: *Playing rodeo with big red monster*

Bute Gunray: 'Hey! Shoot them!'

Dooku: 'Shut up.'

Mace Windu: 'I have come for my Jedi.' *Kills Jango Fett*

Boba Fett: 'I love your helmet!'

Jedi: *Slash! Kick! Slash! Hurt, maim, slash, slit!! Force push etc.*

Yoda: 'I brought an army! Whee!'

Dooku: 'Oh smiley - bleep' *Runs to the command centre*

Anakin: 'We can't let him do that!'

Obi-wan: 'Yeah!'

Padme': 'Follow him!'

*They follow him*

Dooku: 'You are no match for me!'

Anakin: 'You're right.' *Faints*

Obi-wan: 'Eek.' *Faints*

Dooku: 'Mwaaahahahahahaha!'

Yoda: 'On, bring it.' *Matrix pose*

Dooku: 'Awww crap.' *Proceeds to get his butt kicked*

Yoda: 'Take that, an that, an that and summa that, and horraay for the orange game and such hehehehehehehehe.'

Dooku: 'Hey! Ow! Quit it! I'm gonna take my G.I Joe's and go home if you dun stoppit! Mummy!!!' *Runs away*

Yoda: 'Yay!'

Obi-wan: *Suddenly awake* 'Yay!'

Anakin: 'Yay!'

*Back on Coruscant*

Darth Siddious: 'You got your butt kicked again, didn't you?'

Dooku: 'If I say yes, will you promise not to whack me with a band saw?'

Siddious: 'No.'

Dooku: 'Dangit!'

*Back on Naboo*

Anakin: 'I love you.'

Padme': 'I love you.'

R2-D2: 'Beeep boooo beeeeepppp.'

THE END (roll credits, cool music)

Okay, so yes, that's pretty much how the film went. And I loved it. It was gorgeous, and once again I want to steal Natalie Portman's clothing. But anyway. There were a few bad points I have to point out, the dialogue was less than spectacular and it was corny in a few places. At some points, I wanted to scratch my ears off, or some such thing. And Count Dooku (Played by Christopher Lee) was totally banking on that thing he had going in his role in Lord of the Rings (He played Saruman). It's like, Christopher Lee, I lurve you, but is that the only role you can play? I was half expecting him to go off about the One Ring. Really I was.

Episode II was better than Episode I tho, so I think the dialogue and Christopher Lee were forgivable. I luuuurved it. Go see it. Now.

Jedi Jade

23.05.02 Front Page

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