h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

What have you in the way of poisons?

That really depends on what sort of effect you are going for. Our cheapeest are the non-magical ones such as hemlock, arsenic or cyanide. If you are willing to pay more then we have poisons that will make the victim explode, vaporise or turn to stone.

Perhaps I could interest you in this potion that we recently had flown imported. *Fred finds a small vial with a red liquid inside.* It will turn your victim into an Earthworm for five days. Chances are they'll be turned back to human while they are still ten feet under-ground.

It isn't cheap though, the asking price is £100.

Interesting...

How about turning to stone? Powdered Basillic grass?

*Searches through the boxes for a few moments and pulls out a bottle containing white milky liquid.* This should be the sort of thing your looking for. It's from an old Dwarvan recipy and its guaranteed to be effective for the first six to eight aeons.
I think a fair price for it would be £40 but I'll sell you the antidote as well for £60.

So who's the lucky victim?

*Leafs through currency.*

Interesting. No target yet, it's just in case. I'll take both.

*Holds out 100*

Thankyou for shopping here. Please come again

*Takes the GuideML code.* Whats this for?

Ah, well, that SHOULD be a sign. I live in America (alas), and my keyboard only has $. Shame.

Fair enough