h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Stillness. The smell of antiseptic. The lab is like a clean room at all times. It’s recently been flushed. The stainless steel tabletops and drawers glisten with moisture, droplets that shrink as you watch them, sucked by the powerful ventilation dehumidifier. No sign of life, except the progress meter on one screen: Development Growth: 16%.

The sterile blast door swhiff ofen with a whine and a puff of air. The internal systems started up as soon as the ship noted two people heading for Medilab. The Viper's doctor and Augie blow in. Suddenly, a voice speaks.

State the problem.

A tall, gleaming android diesngages from its cradle to one side and strides toward them. Suddenly a holographic overlay appears over it and projects an image of a balding, mildly impatient man in a medical uniform.
(scanning the Doc's medical supplies) a colleague, i suppose? you can put those away. we have far more advanced instruments here. we must expect a batle, so get ready.

*Recrash's radio kicks into life.*
[Fester] Recrash! We've got trouble down here! They've begun to board in several locations! I'm heading to engineering (F88397?thread=179249) with some of Matrix's Tengus and the Guards we brought with us, but we'll need medical supplies pretty soon. Please-
*The radio is cut off suddenly, giving all present a sense of dread.*

I think I'm the one who should go. Take time getting acquainted with the equipment, I'm on my way to Engineering. I need to stretch my legs.

We must get him stabilized! Hand me that console, man!



Ho-hum! Busy day at the medilab, isn't it? I've another patient - minor bumps and bruises. The armored cockpit took most of the punishment. Now, I think you should take over ehre, and I'll take care of the Captain.
(The Doctor steps aside as the android interfaces with the medilab systems and a great sterile shell folds over the Captain's recovery bed.)

To work, to work.

[Quicksilver] Hey doc... Umm... you don't need my medical records, do you?

Well, the captain just walked out. You're free to go too, since you're perfectly healthy. But sure, I could use your medical history.

[Quicksilver] Ah... that's why I was worried, ya' see... I kinda' lost them... But if you don't need them, then that won't be a problem.
*Heads out of the medlab. A few minutes later, Fester walks in.*
[Fester] Ah, doctor. Do you have a quarantine area? I need to set up some equipment, and the test-victim mustn't come into contact with anyone else...

Test-victim!? Do you mean you're actually gonna use a live human for an experiment?

[Fester] Naturally. Don't look so concerned, I've done it before. It's... usually painless...

go right on. mi case es su case

*Steps into the chamber and seals it. He removes his protective gear, revealing the horrors beneath:
His skin is pale, almost white, with sickening greeny-yellow blotches all over his body. His eyes are sickening. They are thinner on the outside of the face, and the inside is thicker than normal. The pupil and iris of both are also mis-alligned, as if they are drawn towards the centre of his head.*
[Fester] Alright. Add the serum into the air of the chamber... 20% Concentration.

Introducing... 15.. 17.. 19..

[Fester] ... I don't think it's helping... wait...these systems are registering something... 0.1%... Yes... Increase dosage to 45%, I know that's close to toxic levels, but what's the worst it could do to me?

A whole lot. I'll hand you the complete, unabridged printout later.

[Fester] Thankyou doctor.
*Ends the treatment and steps out, fully kitted out again.*
I have battled this for years. The illness kills within two months. I halted it after three weeks. Halted, not cured. I've carried it for almost ten years. That's why they call me Fester, because I'm rotting away...

Yes. A very debilitating disease, luckily also very rare. Your condition is stable, but I wonder how you've done it. You must have enormous mental will.

I believe regular treatments here at the Medilab will aid your condition, even repair the damage to a level where other ways become possible.

[Fester] *chuckles to himself, making a disturbing noise through his gas-mask.* The problem with this desease is that it doesn't just harm the body, it harms the soul; the one thing our science cannot help. I thank you for the offer, but I fear it will be to no avail. Good day to you.
*stalks out of the medi-bay.*

The doors slide apart, and Dr. Picardo looks up from his console to see the captain stride in, a naked girl over one shoulder. Hmm... Slow night. Usually he's got two.

"Got a patient for you," he says, bending and laying her gently in a recovery bed. "Can you spare the time? How's Danko?"

"Danko is fine," the doctor says. He slinks over to the girl. "He's steadily recovering in that regen tank there," he indicates one opaque spherical clear tank. "He'll be up in a few days. Now, what's this?"

"Epsilon's symbiote. I want you to try and treat her."

"Can do," the doctor says to the already-leaving captain. He waves an ivory-and-steel arm in its lab coat sleeve. "Later."

*Wesker storms in. He goes straight to the girl, and checks her pulse. He checks it again in her other arm, then her neck. Then he puts his head on her chest, and listens to her heartbeat. His Scarab system registers her vital signs as almost normal. He feels her head. Slightly warm. He turns to the doctor.*
[Wesker] She's asleep, but it isn't normal. She's full of some sort of sedative. I think her body's creating it. Unless we can counteract it, she won't wake up...
*He looks over at the doctor.*
[Wesker] And maybe you should find her some clothes. My Scarab system overrides my sex-drive, but as for everyone elses...