h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

* into fridge.

Begins to barricade himself in with carrots and potatoes, hoping that the cold disables the nanoprobes.*

*a knocking without*

Hello, the fridge!

You are indeed stealthy and ingenious, but I wonder if you are ready for a masterclass in not being seen...

*Groans*

It had to be you, didn't it?

I have seen 'How not to be seen' and I shall not be standing up.

No, I mean I think you are ready to learn the true art of stealth...

If you are humble enough at heart.

Oh? And how do you suggest that?

I will set you a task. Simple to set, but devilish to solve.

It will not be a series of crossword clues, or a race, or anything so trivial. It will be a simple match of stealth and guile.

Do go on, I'm intrigued.

I will hide an object, hide so terribly thoroughly that I doubt you will uncover it. All you have to do is return it to me.

Hmm.

What object? And define the parameters

This.

*A large, gold-coloured egg, about eight inches high*

You may take as long as you like to try and find it. It will be somewhere I know well.

Losing our courage, are we?

Well, you go and hide it and I'll come looking tomorrow.

*Wonders if 'knows well' is a hint..*

You seem curiously blasé. Care to make the contest a little more interesting?

Say on.

Let's say...

If you cannot recover the egg within thirteen days, you must join with us and help bring Daedalus and your erstwhile comrades to heel.

If you can, well, what would you choose as your prize?

Now, wait a minute.

That would mean betraying my comrades-in-arms, those to whom I owe a debt of honour.

I will consider your suggestion, but I fear that I will not be able to accede to it.

*Jade bursts in the room, her chest heaving from running (so bloody) hard (You're a hard bloke to find, Euan! What the ...?)*

*mutters* Three days and nights persuit, no food, no rest, no sign of my quarry... Until now...

Oi you, Queex. Back off my boy. *she tosses back her hair a bit so that it flickers prettily out behind her, and also looks slightly menacing in that ghetto sort of "bring it" kind of way. She positions herself in front of Euan and clenches her teeth.*

You want him, you gotta pry him from my cold dead elvish hands.

*She unshoulders her bow and knocks an arrow to it and shoots (Vastly "flurry of movement" stuff going on here. You see that bit in The Two Towers where Legolas vaults up onto the galloping horse? Yeah it was a lot like that 'cept without the horse.) it directly at Queex's chest.*

*opens the fridge*

At last, the cavalry.

Back way off pointy-ears. I came here to talk to Euan, not teach a she-elf manners.

nastiness all in character btw...

*catches arrow mid-flight and snaps it between his fingers*

I'd hoped for better.

*grabs a freshly sharpened courgette*

Just for self-defence, you understand