with a large helping of Ray's Pizza, Hello Deli,
Krispy Kreme Doughnuts, and breakfast with the Belgian Ambassador - where we discussed Belgian Foreign Policy in 1956 regarding the Suez Canal Crisis and the Hungarian Crisis whilst at the same time I eye-flirted with his rather good looking Secretary.

To all of you whom expected to receive this news while I was at the conference, I'm sorry. I had no idea that the National High School Model UN wasn't going to allow us access to a computer lab not to mention that, for those four days, I didn't get more than three hours of sleep and worked like a machine and, quite simply, spent all my free time building up energy for the next seven hour interval.

That being said, I'll just hit on the greater parts of my experiences this past week!

I guess I ought to begin by telling you the country I represented and my committee. I was the Belgian delegate in the 1956 Historical Security Council. The others from my school were the Democratic People's Republic of Korea...

Lucky them.

So I went to bed at 3:00am Wednesday morning after packing and writing up a speech so that a friend of mine could deliver it on Thursday. I'm currently running for the student advisor to the State Board of Education for my school and we were all supposed to deliver our speeches at the time I would be away. It went something like this:

My name is Chris White.

Unfortunately, due to experiences beyond his control, the candidate 'Yossarian Prefect', is unable to address you all today as, after being elected the president of the W________ High School Model United Nations, he has taken the initiative and has led his club to the United Nations building in order to attend one of the most renowned Model UN conferences in the entire world. He has humbly asked that I deliver this speech to you.

You see, 'Yossarian Prefect', to the contrary of what one might assume of ~anyone~ running for this position, is not doing it for the mere title on one of his future college resumes.
{less pretentiously} He's actually just a guy that has had a lot of experience in the past with the type of duties the student advisor to the state board of education has to carry out. As a matter of fact, not only is he then comfortable in carrying out the said duties with the utmost efficiency but, he even enjoys it.

(Abruptly)

That, and he (slight pause for effect) is not fascist.

So, he apologizes for the fact that he can't pull off some crazy stunt like shamelessly bribing you all with bread and circus today as I read his speech for him, but he'd like you all to keep in mind the fact that, not only has he had a lot of experience working with countless committees for hours at a time, but, if elected, he will also do all he can to make sure that the position of the school in its entirety, faculty and student, will be accurately represented.
Thank you, and have a good day.

Right, so. That was the speech Chris was going to give.

And where was I?

Oh, yeah.

Like I was saying, I went to bed at 3:00am Wednesday morning and then awoke three and half hours later to rush out of the house like a madman to meet up with the rest of the delegation at the high school. From there, a few friends of mine and I drove to the 128 Amtrak station whilst we blasted James Brown in the car. Great times and nothing like James Brown to start off the day.

Took Amtrak and arrived at Penn Station a painful four hours later, then wandered our way through the heart of Manhattan to the Hilton Hotel, W53, 6th.

From this point on it's all madness.

We go to register. I find out that, although I have a placard and folder, they forget to make my badge. I then decide that instead of killing my time sitting through seminars on procedure¹ I was going out for lunch. So I go and walk into Times Square until I realize that procedure seminars had ended five minutes ago and I still hadn't had lunch and I had all of three minutes to make it to the lobby. I run - well, kinda run/waddle as my dress shoes had gotten a bit small and so the result was the mass blistering of my poor feet - back to the hotel, pick up my newly prepared badge (ca. 3:00pm) and make my way to the lobby so we could all go to the United Nations Building. Security was tight, but we made our way in (thanks to our lovely badges) and I took a seat at the seat for Belgium which was really cool as it was located right in the centre of the hall for everyone to see. In short, it was beautiful.

As I was leaving the UN my badge must have fallen off because I realised it was gone by the time I reached the hotel. So I wouldn't have my badge at my first session. Wonderful. With a heavy sigh I made my way to the fourth floor of the hotel to the East Suite where I walk in at the very moment the chair speaks 'Belgium', for the role call.

In all honesty, there isn't much I can tell you about what went on during the first day of sessions. It feels like a lifetime ago. In any event, if I'm not mistaken I do believe we had a working paper by the end of it in which we simply called for the demilitarisation of aggressive troops. Hey, at least we took the initiative to be actively involved in a topic that we already knew the answer to as it had already happened. And, of course, I blew them all away with the intimidation of my demeanor and eloquence of speech. My partner on the other hand was sitting there taking notes the whole time. Now, in all honesty, the Security Council, in comparison to the other GA and NGO committees, is rather small.

Actually, rather doesn't begin to describe it. In a GA committee there is a seat for every one of the 169 nations that paid their $10,000 to the UN and joined it. In Security Council, however, there are five permanent members; US, USSR, Britain, France, and China. Each has the veto. On top of that there are six unpermanent member nations that revolve as time progresses. The delegate from Yugoslavia, Peru (Really great guys. It was a pleasure working with them), and I are examples of the unpermanent members. So, my partner is sitting there, completely estranged from the heat of moderated caucus as he sits there writing notes on what to say next and misses everything everyone else is saying, ~then~ the guy expects me to allow him to stand up in front of this small committee in which everything you say and do is used against you, only to reiterate what the past five speakers have said???

In God's name, Hell no.

In any event, the delegation of Belgium was a one man show, and I've got to tell you, what a show it was. I mean, the resolution I ended up writing with the delegates from Peru and Yugoslavia passed unanimously. No one abstained!

Sessions were recessed for the night and, if I'm not mistaken, I was introduced to the wonders of Ray's Pizza (ca. 1:00am). I made my way back to my hotel room only to find that my two roommates had claimed the two beds and there was no way I was planning on sleeping on the floor so I put two chairs together and lay there, wide awake in insomnia for the next seven hours. What can I say? I guess I was just wired. If anything, though, I saw the sunrise for the first time in god knows how long and in that sense, it was worth every hour of sleep deprivation.

I doze off at 7:00am as I see one of my roommates make his way to the bathroom and wake up half an hour later to see him come back out of it fully clothed in formal wear. In my opinion, he looked like an assassin if anything else...

So I immediately jumped out of the chairs (which I was falling through in that gap in the middle anyway) and claimed the bathroom in the name of myself for the next ten minutes, showered accordingly, brushed, in short completed my toilet, got into my suit in which I looked as handsome as ever as a female delegate in my delegation informed me, went to some restaurant for breakfast that was supposed to be really well known but what I personally thought was horrible food with even worse service (it was actually only the service that bugged me as I only recall ordering three glasses of grapefruit juice, a cup of coffee, and a hot chocolate topped with whipped cream) then took a taxi to 823 UN Plaza, home to the Belgian Mission.

Security let me right through and I made my way up to the Mission where the incredibly thin (I'd say weighing a good 95 lbs) secretary ordered me to take a seat. I did so and, while I was waiting, admired the happy faces of their majesty, the King and Queen of the Kingdom of Belgium in the pictures hung up all over the walls.

So I waited some five minutes until a secretary, Ms Monique De Lauwer as I'm informed, entered the waiting area and led me into the office of Mr Michel Goffin, Counsellor to the Second Committee. After fifteen minutes of feeling rather awkward sitting there twiddling my thumbs in his office as he spoke to Ms De Lauwer in French, he finally told me that I was going to meet with the Minister Plenipotentiary and Deputy Permanent Representative, Mr Stephane De Loecker in the Mission's conference room (as Ambassador HE Jean De Ruyt, Ambassador Extraordinary and Plenipotentiary and Permanent Representative, was meeting with His Highness the Belgian King).

Apparently, I impressed the guy so much with the quality of my questions and my deep understanding of Belgian policy that he gave me his contact information along with the contact information of every official on the Belgian Mission, adding as well that he would stop in to my committee sessions to see me in action and, further, that I was always welcome to drop by the Belgian Mission anytime I felt like it.

If in fact I want to pursue a career in diplomacy, I can hardly express how cool it is to already have a connection.

So my adversary and I took a cab back to the hotel and walked a block into Times Square where we ended up going to Roxy Deli. Ignorant to their portion size, I ordered their Roast Beef, an order of fries, and a root beer...

Can you imagine what six inches of roast beef between two slices of bread looks like?

Can you imagine what six inches of roast beef between two slices of bread along with an immense plate of scalding fries looks like?

Well, in all honesty, I hadn't bothered imagining so until I saw it right in front of me.

I could only finish off half of the fries and half of the sandwich. That, according to my calculations, is two whole pounds of food.

Disgusting, eh?

Well, hilariously enough, I went on the trip weighing a grand total of 185 lbs. and I returned weighing only 175...

How cool is that?

Anyway, so after lunch we returned to the hotel for more committee sessions lasting until 11:45pm.

Again, I was on fire, debating and orating at so high a level that I even surprised myself. We got a lot done, as I recall. Peruvian, and Yugoslavian delegates and I began writing our resolution...

So it ended and I, completely ignoring curfew, went out, bought a box or so of Ray's Pizza, carried it back to the hotel and my room on the 22nd floor, threw it on the desk facing some of the finest skyscrapers I've ever seen, put the two chairs back together, and fell asleep...

Only to be woken up one hour later by NHSMUN staff banging on my door (ca. 1:00am). Apparently, there had been an emergency and the Security Council needed to act as soon as possible. Mind you, I was well insane by this point and so I walked down the hall muttering curses at the two staff members as I buttoned up my shirt, and zipped up my pants and tried to put on my belt with bloodshot sleep-deprived eyes. They honestly thought I was the coolest kid they'd ever met and even told me so.

So I finally get there and here was the deal; apparently, being in the midst of Cold War (1956), PR China had detained a Japanese cargo ship believed to be carrying mid-ranged ballistic missile parts. Then, we were informed that they sunk another ship believed to be carrying more parts three miles off the coast of Japan. I recall my comment being that they must be waging war destroying a Japanese ship in Japanese waters.

Now, here's the thing. The policy of the USSR was not altogether known in its entirety by the USSR delegates because they ended up condemning the aggressive attacks of the PRC whereas they really shouldn't have. To emphasize this point (unintentionally so) a speaker came in claiming to be a representative of the Soviet Republic and said they completely supported the actions taken by the PRC. Me, sleep deprived and a with a bit of a swell head after doing so well in the committee thus far, asked her, (the speaker) if she was aware of the conflict of policy. Not knowing what I was talking about she said yes. At the same time, I received a note from the delegates of the USSR saying they'd kill me. They were big guys, and there was no doubt in my mind they wouldn't either. Then the delegates of Iran further inquired - based on the affirmation of misunderstanding of policy - resulting in the speaker getting so fed up she left on the verge of tears...

I felt terribly miserable to say the very least. Not only had I driven this poor speaker to tears, but I was about to be killed by the delegates of the USSR.

I walked right out of the conference room and went into the office down the hall where I asked if I could speak to the person that had just spoken to the Historical Security Council. They told me she was asleep. So I asked the chair of my committee that, if they were able, to tell her that I wanted to give her my heartfelt apology for being such a jackass, I'd greatly appreciate it.

I can only hope they followed through.

We wrote a resolution. It was brilliant, and we had watched the sun rise a couple hours before. Beautiful stuff. I mean, we had evaded total war. The sun was rising. The birth of a new day for people everywhere...

People that we had saved.

I swear, I just might make a living out of this...

Right, where was I?

Ah, yes.

So session ended at 8:00am and we were free until 2:00pm later that afternoon.

At some time during all of that I recall asking the secretary-general out for dinner to the Tavern on the Green. She declined, of course but, as I was later told that she went into a friend of mine's committee and started cracking horrible jokes such as, 'What do you call cheese that isn't yours? NachoCheese', I felt nowhere near as dejected.

Of course, there was always the Press Corps girl in my committee...

Although, she seemed to take an interest in the USSR delegates and, as I had mentioned earlier, they wanted to kill me.

In any event, I slept from 8:30am until 2:00pm, resumed sessions, was still on fire, went out for Hello Deli, had an excellent chicken parmesan along with this hilarious drink that was supposed to be some sort of wildly exotic berry love potion but really tasted like a liquified fruit roll up, worked some more in sessions, recessed sessions for the night (ca. 8:ish pm - sorry can't recall) and I believe that was our final night there (although I can't help but feel I'm forgetting a day... But these are key points as I recall, not to mention that the day I'm forgetting most certainly only consisted of my working more in sessions...) we wanted to hit the town and hard.

So we wandered around Times Square and then the rest of Manhattan, occasionally stopping by the delegate dance only to admire the brilliance and beauty of the ballroom it was held in and only some of the time the mass body of high schoolers thrusting their pelvises to the rhythm of the beat...

Also, apparently, these kids (including said adversary) from my delegation went off, skipping their sessions, and wandered around Manhattan only to return in huge trouble with the chaperones resulting in their being in hotelroom-arrest. One of the guys - an old friend of mine who was feeling a bit low because his girlfriend, who was also with us on the trip, had recently broken up with him (recently meaning two days before the trip itself) - went completely nuts and locked himself in the bathroom for four hours. By the end of that time he told my adversary to come in and shave his head. I was a bit annoyed with this, I mean, how long had I known and been friends with the guy and now he wants some crazy person who is my adversary to shave his head and not me???

Anyway, so I didn't see him at all that night/morning until the next day when it was time to go...

Closing plenary sessions held in the UN building at 8:00am sharp.

Goes well, resolution Peru, Yugoslavia, and I write passed with amendments, followed by great applause.

Motion to close debate. Motion passes. Committee sessions OVER. I miss 'em I do...

Friend forces me to leave in order to eat something before I pass out. Still had my sleep deprived bloodshot eyes too. Scarf down food. Try to get back as soon as possible. Accidentally throw jacket to security. Pisses him off. Makes a scene. I try to explain. Completely shot down. Return to now socializing committee feeling completely dejected. Time is up. Shake hands. Get contact information. Run back out. Come back in. Hand jacket to Security as nicely as I can and give heartfelt apology for acting the way I did although I was in a rush but I was still very, very sorry. The guy completely understood. We all lived happily ever after. So I get back in and talk to press corps girl all the way to the General Assembly, probably the last time I'll ever see her again. She's a smart one she is, speaks five different languages, and daughter of a diplomat. Did I mention she was good looking too?

Arrive at General Assembly hall. Observe closing ceremonies. Don't win any awards. Rather sad about that but still immensely proud of myself for performing throughout the sessions the way I did. Return to hotel. Get luggage. Take subway to Penn Station. Sit around for a while as the train was 15 minutes late. Buy two-dozen krispy kreme doughnuts in that time. Board the train. Go mad with my adversary over drinks on the three-hour train ride home. He's not too bad a guy although still a complete a**hole. Arrive at 128 Amtrak Station. Drop off some delegates. Express my anger with the inefficiency of my colleague in my committee who really just acted like dead weight the entire time. Get back home. Shower. Check email, then head straight to bed where I ended up dreaming for the first time then in four days. I then awoke the following day at 12:00pm, and the rest is nowhere near as interesting save the hour or so I talked to my soul-twin.

Oh, yeah. I did take pictures too and I'll have those ready within the week.

Yossarian Prefect

Delegate to the Kingdom of Belgium

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