h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Shouldnt that be half a s

my dads b'day tomorrow..not a clue what to get the vile old sod..any ideas?

How about a third-hand suit of armour? Failing that, socks. The perfect gift for the person you can't be arsed buying a gift for.

I'm carrying my leg beside me, so I can kick your ass with it!

Im only doing it through obligation..n even then late

Hey what i do to get my arse kicked this time?im innocent me

How about really uncomfortable slippers then? Or just the quick and easy box of chocs? So you can eat them when they're open...

You cut the leg off, it's only fair that it get to kick your ass! Innocent? Wonder what the local cops would say to that...

Ive only ever been arrested once..n that was for sunmmit i didnt do..cousin told a load of VERY nasty lies!..bitch

did get a caution for drugs once too though ..apart from that ive got a clean slate

you sure youre ok?..seem a bit quiet/not yourself

Yeah hun! I'm fine! My dad's just feeling a bit talkative tonight so I've got to listen, that's why I'm not posting much.

Oooh! So you've got a criminal record? Did you get cuffed and fingerprinted?

Oh right..as long as alls ok ...n hes not making you look uo his arse!

fingerprinted..but no cuffs no..n no record..they cant charge you for something you havent done!..i was 16 at the time...n my twisted bitch of a cousin decided to makeup a really sick pack of lies about me having abused her 3 year old daughter who i looked after for her (and her other 2 as well more than once(looked after i mean))in a bid to get her bf whod just left her to come back!(we think thats why she did it anyway!)...was awful. i ended up in a day centre with clinical depression not long after that!...thats where i met "mad mark" as we used to affectionately call him!..lol

Aah...you too have a life worthy of the Jerry Springer show! She must have been absolutely bonkers! Kinda makes you appreciate how well-balanced and sensible you are dinnit?Relatively speaking anyways.

I was printed too, takes days to get the ink out. Funniest bit was the cops asking if I'd ever been in trouble before and me smiling sweetly and saying no...then a guy in one of the cells starts shouting 'Angela! How you doing doll? What you done this time?'

bet that went down like a tonn of bricks!

id say how well balanced i am is up for debate!

but yeah deffo some springer material i think..ive got bullied at school,hated by alchy dad,lies of mad cousin,mental ilness/imbalance, schizo bf, abusive cotrol freak bf running off with mums 43 year old neighbouur,teenage single mum from drunkenn one nighter..hmmmmm n thats just off the top of my head!...

Hugster: So what did you do?

JustMe...plenty of stories to tell the grandchildren - when they're 18. Never dull though is it?

Kow...I liberated a bottle of vodka from it's Asda shaped confines. I was but a nipper.

hmmmmmmmm maybe not eh! but nope..rarely dull!

friend of mine got taken home in the back of a police van for nicking a bar of dairy milk from the co op once!(we were about 11 a the time)

I was awful for, and at, shoplifting as a kid. Make-up, food, drink, clothes, books, CDs...but I only stole from huge corporations, fancied myself as a Robin Hood.

What happened with your drug offence? Weren't smuggling were you?

Nah..
me and these two other girls were down the pub one night, and popped over the road to have a smoke..still with drinks in hand..lol theere was this little walk through bit that went passed a little graveyard, we were sitting at the bottom of the the (thankfully downwards ppointin b shadowy!)steps that went down the side of the church,smoking away ,when this copper walked straight past us! soon s hed gone we promptly legged itin the other directon (verious plls had been taken too!..n toni had god knows what in the inside pocket of her handbag!),n went to knock up one of Nats mates..allong comes copper..stops us..etc..even looked through tonis bag,but missed the pocket!..he knew wed been up to summit though by the look on our faces so he gave us all cautions!..i still had my drink in my hand...

Lucky!! What did he caution you for? He didn't find anything on you? Bloody cops, there's no need to even bother with little stuff like that. My cousin Margaret phoned them once and they sent three cars and a meatwagon to my house! For a breach of the peace! They must get desperate for an arrest or something.

Yup..n theyre never there when you actually need them!

Well, that's not fair! They have a lot to do with their time...they have to eat too, you can't patronise teenagers on an empty stomach.

will have to go get in my jammies soon i think

Yep, me too. My visions all blurry... I'll skin up first though, haven't had a smoke all night.