h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Israel - A717112
Author: Researcher 191596 - U191596

Israel
Israel is an idea which is most often found in physical form in the Middle East, right on the point where Asia keeps Europe and Africa apart, though pieces of its physical manifestations are far from rare in other parts of the world, and in its idea form it is quite Universal (whether supported or denied...)
Being an idea renders some of Israel's physical aspects rather hard to define. For example:

Area: Quite uncertain. Depending on whom you ask, it may range from as far as the Euphrates to as far as the Nile when the Jewish Messiah arrives, or may be reduced to nothing when the right opportunity presents itself to its enemies. More conventional views differ on whether it includes the western bank of the Jordan river and the Ghaza strip, thus ranging from the Red Sea to the Lebanon and from the Mediterranean sea to the Jordan river, or whether it comprises just the Galilee, the coastal plain and the southern Negev desert. Attempts to decide the question usually result in armed conflict.

Population: The country's population (given the two conservative views of its area) is mostly Jewish, though what this means is almost as hotly debated by its citizens as the question of its borders. About 20% are various minorities: Arab Moslems, Arab Christians, Druzes, Cherkes, Bedouin and several thousand Southeast Asians who have come to work. All of these are almost immediately sucked into the debate of what an Israeli is. This debate, while usually not leading to armed combat, has been known to cause extreme reactions, ranging from fistfights to passionate lovemaking.

Natural Resources and Economy: Hardly worth mentioning. Ideas don't HAVE natural resources. They ARE natural resources themselves. Israel chief export products are dreams, yearnings and its number one byproduct is religious fervor. It has also made a strong showing in agriculture (naturally, being 50% desert...) and in Hi-Tech (also quite natural, it being a business built on ideas...). It is usually just on the brink of economic collapse, but as this has been an ongoing situation, it is now only seldom considered a threat, or indeed considered at all.

Flora, Fauna and Landscape: Due to its history (see below), all sorts of exotic plants and animals have been exported into Israel, including citrus, eucalyptus and the carp. Some of the original wildlife remains, mostly in the south, including ibex, wolfs and camels, and in the north some original forests remain. The seven plants mentioned in the bible as the Seven Species of the country are all still to be found quite in abundance: wheat, barley, vines, figs, pomegranate, olives and date palms. Israel comprises mountains in the north, several valleys, some spectacular craters, two seas and three lakes. In addition Israel also appears to have the most beautiful light to be found anywhere in the world: bright, light blue, sharp light which is, admittedly, an acquired taste, much like heroin. It is quite beautiful, and traveling through it may also result in passionate lovemaking (although, to be honest, traveling near its undecided eastern border may also result in armed conflict).

History: The history of Israel, being an idea situated between three continents, is one of constant invasions, going back at least 4,000 years. Briefly, then, the sequence - beginning at the time of available written evidence, is as follows:
Canaanites and occasional Hebrews (forefathers of Jews)
Egyptian invasion.
Greek Islanders invasion (also known as Philistines)
Hebrews take over. Canaanites are largely replaced, whether by assimilation or war.
Assyrian invasion.
Babylonian conquest. Hebrews are exiled.
Persian conquest.
Hebrews return as Jews.
Macedonian conquest.
Jews regain independence.
Roman conquest.
Jewish rebellion, Roman reconquest.
Jewish rebellion again, Roman conquest again. Most Jews go into exile.
Byzantine rule.
Arab conquest.
Crusaders invasion and (brief) conquest.
Arab reconquest.
Mongol invasion.
Turkish conquest.
Jews begin to return.
British conquest.
Jews regain independence. Arab invasion is defeated.
Palestinians (Arabs living in west bank and Ghaza) are fighting for independence.
Attempts are being made at a novel approach: a peaceful arrangement. However, as we have seen, these attempts have to win over ancient habits, that die hard (but kill easy&#8230

Culture: Two things work for Israel here, and one thing against it. The two things are A. the constant influx of people and things whether by invasion or peaceful wanderings, and B. it being primarily an idea. This makes for a fascinating array of almost everything: various cultural influences, foods, artwork, music, ideas, languages, and history. The one thing which works against it, however, is that the constant hostilities and economic brinkmanship have rendered the population quite intense, and care should be taken not to be misunderstood.

So much for the physical manifestation of Israel. In its idea form, however, it is even harder to define: some see it as a god given land, some as a step on the way to the second coming of the messiah, some as a phase on the way to the first coming, some as an evil empire, some as Palestine, some as a safe haven for Jews, some as a beacon to humanity, some as a strategic asset, some as the holy land and some as home. These last are the ones you should look for, and the best carriers of the idea, which as we have seen is what Israel is all about. Have fun.

I'd like to come back to this when I've had time to read it more carefully, but my first thought was to wonder why you don't mention the State of Israel. This is a geopolitical entity with internationally-recognised and defined borders; a Jewish state, which is something that Jews have been longing and praying for over the last 2000 years or so, though there are also Jews who regard it as an abomination. I do understand that you wish to advert to the metaphysical signification of Israel - were you thinking of 'Jerusalem' and 'Zion', perhaps?

Still with your first para, I didn't understand what you meant by:
"pieces of its physical manifestations are far from rare in other parts of the world" - could you elaborate?

On the subject of Israel, have you seen Entry ID: A507061 ?

Regarding exports, it is noteworthy that Israel is very short of water resources, a large proportion of which are taken up in the attempt to make the desert blossom as the rose, to fulfil the prophecy of old Isaiah. Yet Israel regularly exports enormous quantities of its precious water to the already water-rich countries of western Europe. It does this by first converting it into oranges.

"About 20% are various minorities ... who have come to work. All of these are almost immediately sucked into the debate of what an [Israeli] is. This debate, while usually not leading to armed combat, has been known to cause extreme reactions, ranging from fistfights to passionate lovemaking."
- You could change "Israeli" to "Brit" or "American" or probably many other nationalities, and this comment would hold good for those countries too. Lots of countries have significant ethnic or religious minority populations, and Britain in particular has a State religion - it would be interesting to know if there is something special about Israel in this regard.

There are at least two more entries that try to explain 'Israel':

A429400 and A225596

Both use more or less the same approach and are careful with 'the hot topics' (like this one). There are many edited entries relating to Israel that could be linked to.

This entry is OK, (but awaiting some linguistic polishing). From the title I would have expected some more facts about the 'State of Israel' (GNP, per capita, population etc.); describing Israel as being an idea is a nice approach. However, I do not feel that this entry will be the final word on 'Israel'. Maybe a re-titling to fit the 'Israel as an idea' concept could be thought of.

On the other hand, maybe I just need to read it again.

Shalom,

HELL

This article lacks a lot - I wont have the time to post a detailed analyis until the weekend but suffice to say it needs (a lot of) work in terms of content in my opinion.

Well I liked it. Agreed, it needs polishing here and there, but I don't see the problem of presenting a state as an idea. That it has internationally recognised borders, but no locally recognised borders kind of highlights this.
Any 'country' can be presented as an idea. Britain and America rally around a queen and a flag respectively - but that's all they are, rallying points. The question; "What does it mean to be an " is almost always going to be answered with platitudes and nonsense, because it is meaningless.

I'd still like to see a lot more about its history

I liked this - it'd work well if renamed "Israel - The Idea" or similar. Funny, clever, informative. Definate guide material

If renamed

Obviously if it was just a question of renaming, that wouldn't be a problem, but it's a pity the writer hasn't yet collaborated in the process by responding to comments here. Researcher 191596 doesn't seem to be around at the moment and we can't even post to his/her Personal Space.

After mentioning all those invasion, the researcher could have added that this land has been at the crossroads of civilisation for millennia, this being a main reason why Jews had to keep themselves distinct.

I am sure I am not the only Researcher who sees new entries in PR written by 'Researcher Axxxxxx' and inwardly sighs 'oh dear, another newbie who has posted an article before finding out what the guide is about.' By the time the article has downloaded, I am already mentally composing a reply gently suggesting that the author read the Writers Guide, learn to use GuideML and take out the first-person bits.

I would therefore like to praise our anonymous author here for probably the best-written article by a 'Researcher Axxxxxx' I've yet seen.

OK, there's no GuideML and a couple of grammatical errors, and the title needs changing, but this is essentially a pretty well-written piece. It's an interesting idea for an article too, and I hope he/she will polish it to guide standard.

Gif

Unless the researcher is one of those who posts and thinks that's an end of it! We'll see.

Well, it's a Flea Market case now. Anyone willing to take over and polish it, please go ahead!

Hello, this is researcher 191596, AKA Lord Owl McBigg. Having just returned from a short interlude in Alpha Centauri, I am now abreast of everybody's comments, would like to thank everybody for taking the time, and promise to rewrite the entry a wiser, better man.
Thank you all,
McBigg

Man, you're alright. I liked the piece... I don't even think you should change the title. Israel's wierd (eccentric, I mean), and that's just the way we like it, and the way you described it.

WELL DONE.

-Crazy Diamond, [email protected]